"What the Fuck??" And Other Marvelous Tag Lines of the Modern Age

Three weeks ago yours truly participated in a panel that was asked to address the students at the Arts Institute here in Southern Babylon. The group was comprised of some of the most highly regarded media professionals in the city; producers, voice-over agents, casting agents, and writers. I have yet to figure out what the hell I was doing there. As a matter of fact, one of the first things out of my mouth was that I was undoubtedly the only panel member who was NOT currently working in his/her industry. I was expecting peals of laughter. What I got instead was the sound of crickets chirping. I jest. Actually, the kids were totally cool and by the end of the seminar I got a line of would-be writers asking me a myriad of questions, many of which I didn't have the answers to. Since I'm still searching for representation myself, I chose to stress integrity in writing, responsibility in journalism, and writing about what you know. They seemed genuinely inspired and impressed. I was pleased to share what I could with these young people. I hope I helped positively shape their futures in some infinitesimal way.

Lately I've heard and read of about dozens of cases of friends and family alienating one another over political discussions. Socialism verses liberty, etc... Seriously, folks, we all need to realize that what is good for, let's say, a family of four is disaster for someone like me: early forties, heterosexual, who has no desire to sire children WHATSOEVER. What many of you people think was a wonderful time in American history (the ill-fated Bush years) was in reality a witch hunt for people like me. You and I are natural enemies. Stands to reason that your political beliefs are not going to gel with other members of society including your friends and family. We are becoming a very definable chaste system; stubborn, prejudicial, and full of spite and bitterness towards those who do not share our chosen lifestyle. This is AMERICA, folks, remember? Land of the free? Home of the Knave? We need to realize that, for better or for worse, we will never be a society that emulates one another. And that's a good thing... isn't it? Hello?? It's only the crux of what the forefathers of this country planned... And now these tenets are being encroached upon by the self-righteous sense of entitlement of the breeder sect towards the rest of us who are not so procreatively inclined. Where does the perversion of it all stop? We have become a society of predators. People in the city are rude, expectant, demanding, and anything but loving of one another. Hell, just drive from one end of Southern Babylon to the other. The inconsideration, the gall, the total black hole of generosity that people exist in even while driving on the Interstate is enough to piss off the pope.

Seriously, people, if you're going to hate a friend or family member hate them for a reason, not because of their political affiliations. Take my mother for example. She's a crazy fucking bitch who has spent both our entire lives fucking me up, filling me with guilt and insecurities that have all but destroyed my initiative and she refuses to accept she's the main reason I'm a fucking basket case. Now that is a reason if I've ever heard of one. I shudder to think even if God came down and made her the chairwoman of His own nationalist party that would save this dying civilization and restore peace in the galaxy she would still be the most evil, passive/aggressive cunt on the face of the Earth where I'm concerned. So much for your social barometers... I'll borrow a bit of philosophy from the Rocco-fascists:

If you're going to hate, hate with REASON, and hate with all your heart.

And to that I will add: But please, don't hate just out of fear of the unknown. Like so many parents across the nation who probably for the first time in their pathetic lives were up in arms over the viewing of President Obama's address targeted to school children. For God's Sake, people, we're talking THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES here not some crack-selling nigger from the wrong side of town wearing a trench coat who wants to talk to your children. What is wrong with you people? If that idiot Bush wanted to talk to your children you would have sent them all to Neverland Farm for cake and soda pop and whatever else he wanted to fill them with, wouldn't you?? Are you people afraid that your parenting skills are sadly lacking? Do you fear your children might wake up and realize that they are smarter than you and dare stand up for themselves? Here in Southern Babylon parents even called the private schools and threatened to take their little honey bee's out of the fucking institutions if they dared to broadcast the speech in class. If it had been Ronald Reagan things would have been different though, right?? Idiots... I'm ashamed to be human because of you ignorant miscreants. It shows so much more about you parents than it does your civil rights or the sanctity of family virtues or that 'heroin-selling jigaboo in the White House'. Have you people no shame??

Here is the text of the speech he will give tomorrow morning. All you protesting parents should be ashamed of yourselves, seriously...

Obama Speech to Kids

All I have to say is WHAT THE FUCK were you guys thinking?? I love that saying. What an amazingly original 21st century piece of vernacular. 'WHAT THE FUCK?'. You would think that by 2009 with our technology that we'd be walking on moving sidewalks, driving cars running on hydro-electric power, wiping out cancer and starvation. Instead we are spending 11 BILLION on the fucking Olympics, wasting time with hybrid cars, bailing out Wall Street and Detroit, and still pretending we are the saviors of the world. The best thing to come out of the 21st Century so far is YouTube and vernacular tidbits of wisdom like 'What the Fuck?' (or it's Internet cousin FTW). It proves only that the philosophy of my favorite show Mad Men is prevalent: Life is just the search for the perfect tag line.

I have been procrastinating again. I should be banging out the re-writes for my screenplay so I can get my boys chasing down a few dollars instead of playing footsie (and lipsie and inner-thighsie) with my love interest and adding to my Netflix cue. I should be slaying those query letters and sculpting my resume to start looking for another producer position. Instead I'm half-ass working out, dreaming of fame and fortune, and coming up with a list of future writing projects that I may or may not ever start, much less finish, if I don't buck up and act like a writer. And I don't mean by sleeping with women half my age, drinking my weight in vodka weekly, and maintaining a very un-healthy drug addiction. No, what I need to do is WRITE. In blood, in phonetics, in pig Latin... WHATEVER. I just need to staple my brown ass to the chair and put some words on the digital page.

I hope everyone is well. I've seen that I've lost about 10 followers on Twitter lately. Apparently I'm not funny/sexy/stupid enough to keep some people's attention. C'est la vie, lovers. You all were probably boring lays anyway...

It's Labor Day (whatever that means) and I'm sure many are out there becoming traffic fatality statistics or DUI's. Thin that herd, yall. I am opting to staying in and at least attempt to get something done. I'd like to see the new documentary with Jack White, the Edge from U2, and Jimmy Page called "It Might Get Loud" at some point, but I can't justify wasting time and money at this point. Maybe on Wednesday...

So, my computers boot disk has a virus. Yes, I'm still using a PC at Moonbase Alpha but believe me it's only because of a lack of financial latitude, not preference, I assure you. I'm trying to purchase a used new iMac just so I can write unencumbered by digital gremlins. We're trying to work out the details now. I've had some problems getting my financial shit together so it's looking like I'll get the iMac next week. Not bad, $800 for the machine PLUS a brand-spanking new My Book 500GB WD external drive that is still in the shrink-wrap. The warrantee is gone on the machine but it looks like it's never been used. And the best part of it, even though I'm wallowing in semi-poverty, I don't have to rely on irresponsible responsible parties to assist me in acquiring it. I won't go into details because it's exhausting for me but let's just say that my insane mother is behind a failed thwart of this transaction and though it will take me an extra week to get it, in less than two weeks that machine will be all mine. Confused? Consider yourselves lucky. If any of you have crazy, self-righteous parents who will more than likely rise from the grave to try to run your life than you can have some idea of what I go through on what I would never again allow to be a daily basis.

To end on an up-note: I shot camera on a crew in Denton, Tx Friday night for the band Oso Closo. This band won the Chipotle Burrito competition by submitting a video and song. Their prize was 10 grand in cash and the honor of having the "Oso Closo Burrito" placed on the menu. This is that winning video (which I did NOT shoot). I hope you like it. And look for these cats- they are amazing!!



Cheers on your last day of an extended vacation. I'm off to do re-writes on the screenplay. See you soon...


JC

Film Review: Fissure

No matter at what level, what the budget is, who is starring/directing/writing/producing there is one unwavering truth in the film industry: it is incredibly difficult to shoot a feature film. Period. That being said, it is even MORE difficult to shoot a good feature film, and by good I am implying that 3 major elements are present: competent, interpretive camera work, believable acting/staging, and a compelling story. Everything else is forgivable. Inappropriate costuming can be shrugged off as modernization or stylized art direction. Bad lighting can be dismissed and elevated as camera obscura or the herald of a new lighting trend. Even sound is expendable, depending on the genre. Personally, having an extensive background in sound and composition, I would have preferred to include good audio in the list but a film, in its purest form, should be able to stand on the merit of its images alone. If the nuts and bolts are there, the creature will walk. And of course, money doesn’t make a good film. (Anyone remember “Waterworld” or Spielberg’s “War of the Worlds” or Peter Jackson’s “King Kong” or “The Last Samurai” or “Valkyrie” or…?) Ok, I won’t go all esoteric film snob on you, but what I’m trying to state is, hey, filmmaking isn’t brain surgery, but it’s probably the closest thing you can get to it without nurses, knives and clean rooms.

Filmmaking is ESPECIALLY difficult when you are a first-time director making a feature film in a city that in the not-so-distant past has been much less than supportive to even big studio projects much less the local independent producer. The city fathers seemed at one point to decide that this city would focus on oil and healthcare for its financial identity, not the devil’s work like filmmaking and art. This is Dallas, son, not Paris! Add to all of these obstacles the hurdles of working in a sagging economy, the learning curve for legal/distribution/managing investors while at the same time dealing with the building blocks of casting/rehearsals/locations, AND the long list of details that every young director must learn while on the task of celluloid alchemy... What we end up with resembles more of an endurance test than an act of artistic creation. For many, filmmaking is a right of passage equivalent to ritual scarification, even circumcision… (ok, maybe I got a little carried away…) But the skinny is: it’s no walk in the park, kiddies. Making movies takes determination, sheer will, organization, and good old-fashioned thick skin.

Director Russ Pond


FISSURE, (http://fissurethemovie.com) the first feature by Dallas-based director Russ Pond, has its first North Texas screening Tuesday July 21, 2009, just two years after the cameras first began to roll here in Dallas (not far from my apartment) and one year after it debuted at the AFI Dallas Film Festival in 2008. The film is a well-shot subtle science-fiction thriller that won “Best Locally-Made Film” in 2008 from the Fort Worth Weekly and “Best Lead Performance” from Hollywood First Glance. And rightfully so.

James MacDonald as Detective Paul Grunning


The story centers on character-actor James MacDonald as Detective Paul Grunning, an injured officer who has just returned to the force after a personal tragedy. He unknowingly steps into a complex maze of alternate realities when investigating a routine domestic disturbance. MacDonald is a familiar face who is usually cast to play law enforcement types. He has been in a handful of features including “Phone Booth” and “Hollywood Homicide” and also has an impressive television resume which includes “ER”, “NYPD Blue”, “CSI: Miami”, “Weeds”, and even “Sex and the City”. FISSURE is his first lead role and he takes the opportunity to infuse the character with his brand of “sensitive tough-guy” that he does so well. He is the life blood of this film and seeing his performance alone is well worth the price of admission.

Russ Pond with Todd Terry


While on the subject of talent, a secondary character, Tyler, played by Texas actor Todd Terry, has probably 30 seconds of screen-time in a flash-back but leaves a lasting impression as an ex-con in a desperate situation. I wish there was more of his performance in the script. Watch for this guy. He's brilliant.

Crystal Mantecon as Rachel


I felt that a pivotal character, the female lead, played by Dallas actor Crystal Mantecon, was not used fully, or at least not to my liking. Perhaps more of her role ended up on the cutting room floor, but what I saw from her didn’t do her justice given the breadth of her talent. Crystal has a smart logical appeal but unfortunately the industry tends to dumb down most females roles. This part called for a multi-dimensional characterization and that is not what I saw on screen. In the press releases the character of Rachel is described as seductive. Cute, definitely. A temptress in sexy eye-wear? I didn’t really get that from her performance. It felt like her character couldn’t make up her mind if she was a damsel in distress or a brainy co-ed with a secret. Luckily, with the lines she’s given, either interpretation works. Just not both simultaneously.




The story itself keeps you guessing, though the payoff at the end, for me, was slightly lacking. The script could have used some tightening ( the incessant running from room to room in did not equate suspense) and at times the pacing was a little forced for me, but all in all it is an excellent first release.

Director of Photography Alan Lefebvre


The look of the film is what sold me. There’s nothing like the combination of a talented DP and a good film colorist to create a compelling modern visual identity. The Director of Photography Alan Lefebvre captured some wonderful images that suggest a slightly altered reality. The interiors are tight and somewhat claustrophobic which adds to the tension of the scenes. The exteriors are warm with a slight soft focus vignette that make the autumn golds and blues seem to shimmer with their own life. There is a beautiful shot where Grunning returns to the home of the disturbance after re-living a pinnacle moment in his past. As he gets out of the car the elevated camara dollies forward and follows him back to the mysterious house. The shot is full of emotion and a high point in the visual storytelling in the film.

A few things left me wanting more. In the film because of an unseen force people are described as being ripped apart from the inside out as they cross these invisible barriers in time. None of this ever makes it to camera, except for some bloody spittle on MacDonalds’s chin towards the climax. Also, there are references to an "institute" that the ill-fated Mr. Ulster works for doing, you guessed it, "classified" research which we never see either. Not even a white coat nor a security pass. Yes, it’s a bit of the “Theater of the Mind” in play here that makes the viewer imagine what is happening, but one good shot of someone disintegrating would have made me happy. For a science fiction thriller, the landscape is practically devoid of special FX, except for a single low-level timewarp shot that was right out of Stargate. And for someone raised in the 80s where less is less and more is MORE, I wanted MORE. I can't help but think that with a sizable budget this script easily could have been a summer block-buster (or at least a Labor Day holiday release) vehicle for Keanu Reeves (perish the thought) or some flavor of the week filled with time-shifting effects and a self-aware techonolgy that threatens to take out the world. Alas, in this incarnation the film is more of a clever character study that simply nods to the implied catastrophe that we never get to actually lay our eyes upon. Where as the unseen was more frightening than the revealed in "The Blair Witch Project" (the original, that is), the lack of a tangible "monster" (i.e. VISIBLE THREAT) in Fissure left me feeling a little jilted. Even in "The Andromeda Strain" (1971 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066769/) though the threat was microscopic we were shown the horrible things this other-worldly organism could do. Call me an ambulance chaser, but I want to see the mash-up.

Another thing that I found a little annoying at times was the sound design. The abundant use of the Hollywood-style ‘swoosh’ and frenetic string glissandos used to enhance intense scenes were a little distracting and, in at least one point in the film, downright funny. A little elevated ambient room noise and a low-end hum can do wonders for a tense scene where forced sound effects can distract. But then again I am a filmmaker so I am both condemning as well as forgiving.

In a press roundtable interview at Hotel ZaZa last month I asked director Russ Pond what his follow-up project would be and he said that a children’s film was next in consideration. It didn’t surprise me in the least. Children’s films have the highest percentage of return on investment. Of course, making films is a business and you have to sell product to stay in the market, but I half-hoped Russ would have chosen to stay in the thriller genre and try to raise everything up a notch. I think Russ is a talented director and would love to see what he could do if the gloves were off, there were no punches pulled and he attacked a project without the hindrances of investor expectations, ratings, and budgetary concessions… That, I think, would be an amazing film.

I don’t attempt to take away from his success with Fissure. By all means, he should be revered as a hero in the indie filmmaking populace of Dallas. He has succeeded with the help of a visionary marketing team led by Brandon Jones of Indigenous Films and Kelly Kitchens to release an excellent first project that has raised the bar for low-budget independent filmmaking in Texas.

The marketing team embraced technology and used social media platforms like FaceBook (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Fissure/9676621281) and Twitter to self-promote the film with amazing results. Simply by sending out event invitations on FB they successfully filled the theater to 80% capacity for their first non-festival screening in Portland, Oregon, a city that literally no one on the team had any previous ties to. Now that is impressive. The producers also decided to upload snippets of the film to the website to create a buzz and whet your appetite to see the entire feature. Literally, the first 30 minutes of the film are being offered in short webisodes you can see here: http://fissure.tv/

Is this a perfect film? No. But then again the concept of perfection is entirely subjective. Perception is reality. The holes are only apparent if you are looking for them. There are some lacking performances (the entire Ulster family is mis-cast and have no chemistry whatsoever) and a few technical issues (cameras seen in reflections, over-use of audio effects), but Fissure does one thing amazingly well- it raises the bar for independent filmmaking across the board. It illustrates what can happen when art is refined through a business mind and sculpted into a marketable project by passionate and conscientious craftsmen.

Does the film entertain? It caters to a Hollywood mentality, but, yes, it beats out 80% of the swill you’ll glance over on the rental shelves this weekend. Will the film change your life? Probably not, unless you are a filmmaker. Then perhaps it will open up a world of possibilities and light a fire under your ass. And really, when was the last time ANY film did that for you?

Fissure is making the rounds in the festival circuit but it is being released direct-to-disk this month. It is available on Netflix, Blockbuster, and Amazon starting on Tuesday August 11. So get it in your cues, kiddies, and get ready to enjoy the best fare to come out of Dallas since Fletchers Corny Dogs. And no, that's not a movie...

JC says ‘Check it out’…


"Fissure" Trailer

Shorts, volume 2

It's that time again, my loves. Time to check out my shorts...

******

SARAH PALIN


The website www.AlaskaReport.com was the first to report that Sarah Palin was running for governor of Alaska and the first website to report that Sarah was picked as John McCain's VP candidate. It is also the first to state that Todd and Sarah Palin are filing for divorce after a National Enquirer story exposed previous affairs on both ends. Sarah, my love, you're entire empire of lies is falling down around your ears. At least that will ruin your chances to run for president in 2012 and that is good enough for me. But apparently you recently signed a book deal worth an estimated 11 million and that really shows the stupidity of the American people and what they choose to feed themselves with. Personally, who WOULDN'T cheat on Sarah Palin? I mean, she's a hot piece of ass and all but for Gideon's sake, could you let up on the holier-than-thou attitude? If you came out and said you just want to be EMPEROR of the WORLD I'd respect you more than I do you're constant demanding for respect. Respect is like sex appeal: you either have it or you don't. Respect is bestowed on people who are not LOOKING for it. Sex appeal is not necessarily based on looks but either way you have to have SOMETHING radiating from you. You can't demand people to get a hard-on for you (though in your case, you've given us all US males a woody since you arrived on the scene two years ago), sexually or otherwise. But you played the part of the MILF beautifully and even pulled the wool over the GOPs eyes for a while. Thank God the drugs are wearing off...

(And regardless if this story is true or not, it fucking should be...)

Here she is talking shit yet once again. Cool lighting though...


Sarah Palin on "hurt feelings" from Dennis Zaki on Vimeo.


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THE MARS VOLTA


The Mars Volta has a new release entitled Into the Octahedron. The first video is called Since We've Been Wrong and is just amazing. Though not yet on YouTube it can be seen here:

Since We've Been Wrong

A blend of prog-rock, post-punk, jazz fusion, and Latin influences,TMV, won a Grammy in 2009 for "Best Hard Rock Performance" for "Wax Simulacra". They formed in 2001 by guitarist Omar Rodriguez-Lopez and vocalist Cedric Bixler-Zavala. Cedric sounds like the hip re-incarnation of Freddie Mercury with an english degree. Intense conceptual lyrics over a cacophony of progressive instrumental mastery with all the cock-rock posturing and frizzy afros you can take, the Volta is praised for their energetic impromptu performances as much as their brilliance in the studio. You probably won't hear them at the next family barbecue but do your inner music snob a favor and check them out.

Here's "Wax Simulacra" live. Dig it.

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JENNIFER'S BODY


And this looks like an interesting offering: teen temptress Megan Fox playing the part of a possessed high-school girl with a taste for blood... And how far from the truth do you thing THAT bit of type-casting is?? I would venture to say writer Diablo Cody (who, there is no doubt, if given the slightest chance, I would fuck into oblivion) didn't even have to make any of it up. The director is Karyn Kusama who wrote and helmed the indie pseudo-hit of 2000 "Girlfight" and the beautiful but useless "Aeon Flux" in 2005. It should be interesting, if you're into possessed vixens with a distaste for clothing...

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CORALINE

Neil Gaiman's gothic child's nightmare"Coraline" was released this last week on DVD. It's a frightening animated tale of a young precocious girl who finds a door in her family's new house that leads her to her OTHER life where everything seems to be wonderful. The key word in that sentence is 'seems'... This film is not for children under 12 but is a wonderfully scary trip to the other side of your imagination. JC says "Check it out."



And I suppose that is it for the shorts this week... Look for my review of Russ Pond's "Fissure" this weekend on Casanova Shrugged. And that means TOMORROW.


♠ JC