Casanova Shrugged

And Now a Word From Our Sponsor...

2010-12-20T21:13:00.008-06:00

Good evening.

My name is Rene' Guerrero.

I know you're probably wondering a myriad of things at this point... That is, of course, taking for granted that, if you are indeed reading these words, you have an interest, however vested it may or may not be, in the views expressed here by the man known as Johnny Cordova.

Where has he been? Why haven't we heard from him? And who, pardon my French, the fuck, are you? I assure you in the next few moments I will answer any and all of theses questions to the best of my humble ability.

Let me say first that Mr. Cordova, though slightly worn and damaged, is still here in his hometown of Southern Babylon (affectionately known as Dallas, Texas) and is, in his own inimitable way, in fine spirits. He has chosen to take this holiest of seasons to hibernate and strengthen himself for the onslaught of 2011. Which we all know will be a world-wide reenactment of the film Battle for the Planet of the Apes. Get your federation-issued costumes soon.

Secondly, he stopped contributing to this humble platform in the wake of a most devastating loss. A beloved family member was taken from this world by lung cancer and it almost torn his soul apart. It is a horrible thing to see a demon cry. And though I somewhat jest when I refer to Mr. Cordova in such a way, he would admit, perhaps even relish the thought, of playing the role of tormentor to a society that chooses vanity over sanity. Fear not, though this platform for views and opinions, Casanova Shrugged, may change in some superficial ways, I assure you it will remain a beacon in the light of darkness; cultural, moral, political, and social.

Thirdly, I, Rene' Guerrero, am the creator of all things Cordovan. Johnny and I had a long talk over the last few months and we decided it was in our best collective interest to incorporate our efforts and jointly utilize this forum to honor the homeland, so to speak. The homeland being our realities, collective and individual as they may or may not be.

In the 14 months since this blog was last updated, while Johnny slept the sleep of the dead, I personally wrote a 477-page, 104, 563-word historical paranormal thriller entitled White Rock that was completed on December 16 this year, 2010. It is the adaptation to screenplay I wrote two years ago when both Johnny and I found ourselves ousted from the evil Media Empire and left to survive by our wits. You will hear more about this project as the months progress. The rebellion will not fail.

Also, we will start the process of getting our legal paperwork in place, creating an LLC to produce this as a feature film in the next 24 months.

It's an exciting year of growth here at Casanova Shrugged. I thank you all for your patronage and will do all in my power as CEO to make sure you don't go without the Cordova Edge for so long again.

Thanks for your attention.

Let the games...

begin...

R

(Posted by J. Rene' Guerrero)

"What the Fuck??" And Other Marvelous Tag Lines of the Modern Age

2009-09-07T20:16:00.003-05:00

Three weeks ago yours truly participated in a panel that was asked to address the students at the Arts Institute here in Southern Babylon. The group was comprised of some of the most highly regarded media professionals in the city; producers, voice-over agents, casting agents, and writers. I have yet to figure out what the hell I was doing there. As a matter of fact, one of the first things out of my mouth was that I was undoubtedly the only panel member who was NOT currently working in his/her industry. I was expecting peals of laughter. What I got instead was the sound of crickets chirping. I jest. Actually, the kids were totally cool and by the end of the seminar I got a line of would-be writers asking me a myriad of questions, many of which I didn't have the answers to. Since I'm still searching for representation myself, I chose to stress integrity in writing, responsibility in journalism, and writing about what you know. They seemed genuinely inspired and impressed. I was pleased to share what I could with these young people. I hope I helped positively shape their futures in some infinitesimal way.

Lately I've heard and read of about dozens of cases of friends and family alienating one another over political discussions. Socialism verses liberty, etc... Seriously, folks, we all need to realize that what is good for, let's say, a family of four is disaster for someone like me: early forties, heterosexual, who has no desire to sire children WHATSOEVER. What many of you people think was a wonderful time in American history (the ill-fated Bush years) was in reality a witch hunt for people like me. You and I are natural enemies. Stands to reason that your political beliefs are not going to gel with other members of society including your friends and family. We are becoming a very definable chaste system; stubborn, prejudicial, and full of spite and bitterness towards those who do not share our chosen lifestyle. This is AMERICA, folks, remember? Land of the free? Home of the Knave? We need to realize that, for better or for worse, we will never be a society that emulates one another. And that's a good thing... isn't it? Hello?? It's only the crux of what the forefathers of this country planned... And now these tenets are being encroached upon by the self-righteous sense of entitlement of the breeder sect towards the rest of us who are not so procreatively inclined. Where does the perversion of it all stop? We have become a society of predators. People in the city are rude, expectant, demanding, and anything but loving of one another. Hell, just drive from one end of Southern Babylon to the other. The inconsideration, the gall, the total black hole of generosity that people exist in even while driving on the Interstate is enough to piss off the pope.

Seriously, people, if you're going to hate a friend or family member hate them for a reason, not because of their political affiliations. Take my mother for example. She's a crazy fucking bitch who has spent both our entire lives fucking me up, filling me with guilt and insecurities that have all but destroyed my initiative and she refuses to accept she's the main reason I'm a fucking basket case. Now that is a reason if I've ever heard of one. I shudder to think even if God came down and made her the chairwoman of His own nationalist party that would save this dying civilization and restore peace in the galaxy she would still be the most evil, passive/aggressive cunt on the face of the Earth where I'm concerned. So much for your social barometers... I'll borrow a bit of philosophy from the Rocco-fascists:

If you're going to hate, hate with REASON, and hate with all your heart.

And to that I will add: But please, don't hate just out of fear of the unknown. Like so many parents across the nation who probably for the first time in their pathetic lives were up in arms over the viewing of President Obama's address targeted to school children. For God's Sake, people, we're talking THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES here not some crack-selling nigger from the wrong side of town wearing a trench coat who wants to talk to your children. What is wrong with you people? If that idiot Bush wanted to talk to your children you would have sent them all to Neverland Farm for cake and soda pop and whatever else he wanted to fill them with, wouldn't you?? Are you people afraid that your parenting skills are sadly lacking? Do you fear your children might wake up and realize that they are smarter than you and dare stand up for themselves? Here in Southern Babylon parents even called the private schools and threatened to take their little honey bee's out of the fucking institutions if they dared to broadcast the speech in class. If it had been Ronald Reagan things would have been different though, right?? Idiots... I'm ashamed to be human because of you ignorant miscreants. It shows so much more about you parents than it does your civil rights or the sanctity of family virtues or that 'heroin-selling jigaboo in the White House'. Have you people no shame??

Here is the text of the speech he will give tomorrow morning. All you protesting parents should be ashamed of yourselves, seriously...

Obama Speech to Kids

All I have to say is WHAT THE FUCK were you guys thinking?? I love that saying. What an amazingly original 21st century piece of vernacular. 'WHAT THE FUCK?'. You would think that by 2009 with our technology that we'd be walking on moving sidewalks, driving cars running on hydro-electric power, wiping out cancer and starvation. Instead we are spending 11 BILLION on the fucking Olympics, wasting time with hybrid cars, bailing out Wall Street and Detroit, and still pretending we are the saviors of the world. The best thing to come out of the 21st Century so far is YouTube and vernacular tidbits of wisdom like 'What the Fuck?' (or it's Internet cousin FTW). It proves only that the philosophy of my favorite show Mad Men is prevalent: Life is just the search for the perfect tag line.

I have been procrastinating again. I should be banging out the re-writes for my screenplay so I can get my boys chasing down a few dollars instead of playing footsie (and lipsie and inner-thighsie) with my love interest and adding to my Netflix cue. I should be slaying those query letters and sculpting my resume to start looking for another producer position. Instead I'm half-ass working out, dreaming of fame and fortune, and coming up with a list of future writing projects that I may or may not ever start, much less finish, if I don't buck up and act like a writer. And I don't mean by sleeping with women half my age, drinking my weight in vodka weekly, and maintaining a very un-healthy drug addiction. No, what I need to do is WRITE. In blood, in phonetics, in pig Latin... WHATEVER. I just need to staple my brown ass to the chair and put some words on the digital page.

I hope everyone is well. I've seen that I've lost about 10 followers on Twitter lately. Apparently I'm not funny/sexy/stupid enough to keep some people's attention. C'est la vie, lovers. You all were probably boring lays anyway...

It's Labor Day (whatever that means) and I'm sure many are out there becoming traffic fatality statistics or DUI's. Thin that herd, yall. I am opting to staying in and at least attempt to get something done. I'd like to see the new documentary with Jack White, the Edge from U2, and Jimmy Page called "It Might Get Loud" at some point, but I can't justify wasting time and money at this point. Maybe on Wednesday...

So, my computers boot disk has a virus. Yes, I'm still using a PC at Moonbase Alpha but believe me it's only because of a lack of financial latitude, not preference, I assure you. I'm trying to purchase a used new iMac just so I can write unencumbered by digital gremlins. We're trying to work out the details now. I've had some problems getting my financial shit together so it's looking like I'll get the iMac next week. Not bad, $800 for the machine PLUS a brand-spanking new My Book 500GB WD external drive that is still in the shrink-wrap. The warrantee is gone on the machine but it looks like it's never been used. And the best part of it, even though I'm wallowing in semi-poverty, I don't have to rely on irresponsible responsible parties to assist me in acquiring it. I won't go into details because it's exhausting for me but let's just say that my insane mother is behind a failed thwart of this transaction and though it will take me an extra week to get it, in less than two weeks that machine will be all mine. Confused? Consider yourselves lucky. If any of you have crazy, self-righteous parents who will more than likely rise from the grave to try to run your life than you can have some idea of what I go through on what I would never again allow to be a daily basis.

To end on an up-note: I shot camera on a crew in Denton, Tx Friday night for the band Oso Closo. This band won the Chipotle Burrito competition by submitting a video and song. Their prize was 10 grand in cash and the honor of having the "Oso Closo Burrito" placed on the menu. This is that winning video (which I did NOT shoot). I hope you like it. And look for these cats- they are amazing!!

Cheers on your last day of an extended vacation. I'm off to do re-writes on the screenplay. See you soon...

JC

Film Review: Fissure

2009-08-08T22:49:00.040-05:00

No matter at what level, what the budget is, who is starring/directing/writing/producing there is one unwavering truth in the film industry: it is incredibly difficult to shoot a feature film. Period. That being said, it is even MORE difficult to shoot a good feature film, and by good I am implying that 3 major elements are present: competent, interpretive camera work, believable acting/staging, and a compelling story. Everything else is forgivable. Inappropriate costuming can be shrugged off as modernization or stylized art direction. Bad lighting can be dismissed and elevated as camera obscura or the herald of a new lighting trend. Even sound is expendable, depending on the genre. Personally, having an extensive background in sound and composition, I would have preferred to include good audio in the list but a film, in its purest form, should be able to stand on the merit of its images alone. If the nuts and bolts are there, the creature will walk. And of course, money doesn’t make a good film. (Anyone remember “Waterworld” or Spielberg’s “War of the Worlds” or Peter Jackson’s “King Kong” or “The Last Samurai” or “Valkyrie” or…?) Ok, I won’t go all esoteric film snob on you, but what I’m trying to state is, hey, filmmaking isn’t brain surgery, but it’s probably the closest thing you can get to it without nurses, knives and clean rooms.

Filmmaking is ESPECIALLY difficult when you are a first-time director making a feature film in a city that in the not-so-distant past has been much less than supportive to even big studio projects much less the local independent producer. The city fathers seemed at one point to decide that this city would focus on oil and healthcare for its financial identity, not the devil’s work like filmmaking and art. This is Dallas, son, not Paris! Add to all of these obstacles the hurdles of working in a sagging economy, the learning curve for legal/distribution/managing investors while at the same time dealing with the building blocks of casting/rehearsals/locations, AND the long list of details that every young director must learn while on the task of celluloid alchemy... What we end up with resembles more of an endurance test than an act of artistic creation. For many, filmmaking is a right of passage equivalent to ritual scarification, even circumcision… (ok, maybe I got a little carried away…) But the skinny is: it’s no walk in the park, kiddies. Making movies takes determination, sheer will, organization, and good old-fashioned thick skin.

Director Russ Pond

FISSURE, (http://fissurethemovie.com) the first feature by Dallas-based director Russ Pond, has its first North Texas screening Tuesday July 21, 2009, just two years after the cameras first began to roll here in Dallas (not far from my apartment) and one year after it debuted at the AFI Dallas Film Festival in 2008. The film is a well-shot subtle science-fiction thriller that won “Best Locally-Made Film” in 2008 from the Fort Worth Weekly and “Best Lead Performance” from Hollywood First Glance. And rightfully so.

James MacDonald as Detective Paul Grunning

The story centers on character-actor James MacDonald as Detective Paul Grunning, an injured officer who has just returned to the force after a personal tragedy. He unknowingly steps into a complex maze of alternate realities when investigating a routine domestic disturbance. MacDonald is a familiar face who is usually cast to play law enforcement types. He has been in a handful of features including “Phone Booth” and “Hollywood Homicide” and also has an impressive television resume which includes “ER”, “NYPD Blue”, “CSI: Miami”, “Weeds”, and even “Sex and the City”. FISSURE is his first lead role and he takes the opportunity to infuse the character with his brand of “sensitive tough-guy” that he does so well. He is the life blood of this film and seeing his performance alone is well worth the price of admission.

Russ Pond with Todd Terry

While on the subject of talent, a secondary character, Tyler, played by Texas actor Todd Terry, has probably 30 seconds of screen-time in a flash-back but leaves a lasting impression as an ex-con in a desperate situation. I wish there was more of his performance in the script. Watch for this guy. He's brilliant.

Crystal Mantecon as Rachel

I felt that a pivotal character, the female lead, played by Dallas actor Crystal Mantecon, was not used fully, or at least not to my liking. Perhaps more of her role ended up on the cutting room floor, but what I saw from her didn’t do her justice given the breadth of her talent. Crystal has a smart logical appeal but unfortunately the industry tends to dumb down most females roles. This part called for a multi-dimensional characterization and that is not what I saw on screen. In the press releases the character of Rachel is described as seductive. Cute, definitely. A temptress in sexy eye-wear? I didn’t really get that from her performance. It felt like her character couldn’t make up her mind if she was a damsel in distress or a brainy co-ed with a secret. Luckily, with the lines she’s given, either interpretation works. Just not both simultaneously.

The story itself keeps you guessing, though the payoff at the end, for me, was slightly lacking. The script could have used some tightening ( the incessant running from room to room in did not equate suspense) and at times the pacing was a little forced for me, but all in all it is an excellent first release.

Director of Photography Alan Lefebvre

The look of the film is what sold me. There’s nothing like the combination of a talented DP and a good film colorist to create a compelling modern visual identity. The Director of Photography Alan Lefebvre captured some wonderful images that suggest a slightly altered reality. The interiors are tight and somewhat claustrophobic which adds to the tension of the scenes. The exteriors are warm with a slight soft focus vignette that make the autumn golds and blues seem to shimmer with their own life. There is a beautiful shot where Grunning returns to the home of the disturbance after re-living a pinnacle moment in his past. As he gets out of the car the elevated camara dollies forward and follows him back to the mysterious house. The shot is full of emotion and a high point in the visual storytelling in the film.

A few things left me wanting more. In the film because of an unseen force people are described as being ripped apart from the inside out as they cross these invisible barriers in time. None of this ever makes it to camera, except for some bloody spittle on MacDonalds’s chin towards the climax. Also, there are references to an "institute" that the ill-fated Mr. Ulster works for doing, you guessed it, "classified" research which we never see either. Not even a white coat nor a security pass. Yes, it’s a bit of the “Theater of the Mind” in play here that makes the viewer imagine what is happening, but one good shot of someone disintegrating would have made me happy. For a science fiction thriller, the landscape is practically devoid of special FX, except for a single low-level timewarp shot that was right out of Stargate. And for someone raised in the 80s where less is less and more is MORE, I wanted MORE. I can't help but think that with a sizable budget this script easily could have been a summer block-buster (or at least a Labor Day holiday release) vehicle for Keanu Reeves (perish the thought) or some flavor of the week filled with time-shifting effects and a self-aware techonolgy that threatens to take out the world. Alas, in this incarnation the film is more of a clever character study that simply nods to the implied catastrophe that we never get to actually lay our eyes upon. Where as the unseen was more frightening than the revealed in "The Blair Witch Project" (the original, that is), the lack of a tangible "monster" (i.e. VISIBLE THREAT) in Fissure left me feeling a little jilted. Even in "The Andromeda Strain" (1971 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066769/) though the threat was microscopic we were shown the horrible things this other-worldly organism could do. Call me an ambulance chaser, but I want to see the mash-up.

Another thing that I found a little annoying at times was the sound design. The abundant use of the Hollywood-style ‘swoosh’ and frenetic string glissandos used to enhance intense scenes were a little distracting and, in at least one point in the film, downright funny. A little elevated ambient room noise and a low-end hum can do wonders for a tense scene where forced sound effects can distract. But then again I am a filmmaker so I am both condemning as well as forgiving.

In a press roundtable interview at Hotel ZaZa last month I asked director Russ Pond what his follow-up project would be and he said that a children’s film was next in consideration. It didn’t surprise me in the least. Children’s films have the highest percentage of return on investment. Of course, making films is a business and you have to sell product to stay in the market, but I half-hoped Russ would have chosen to stay in the thriller genre and try to raise everything up a notch. I think Russ is a talented director and would love to see what he could do if the gloves were off, there were no punches pulled and he attacked a project without the hindrances of investor expectations, ratings, and budgetary concessions… That, I think, would be an amazing film.

I don’t attempt to take away from his success with Fissure. By all means, he should be revered as a hero in the indie filmmaking populace of Dallas. He has succeeded with the help of a visionary marketing team led by Brandon Jones of Indigenous Films and Kelly Kitchens to release an excellent first project that has raised the bar for low-budget independent filmmaking in Texas.

The marketing team embraced technology and used social media platforms like FaceBook (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Fissure/9676621281) and Twitter to self-promote the film with amazing results. Simply by sending out event invitations on FB they successfully filled the theater to 80% capacity for their first non-festival screening in Portland, Oregon, a city that literally no one on the team had any previous ties to. Now that is impressive. The producers also decided to upload snippets of the film to the website to create a buzz and whet your appetite to see the entire feature. Literally, the first 30 minutes of the film are being offered in short webisodes you can see here: http://fissure.tv/

Is this a perfect film? No. But then again the concept of perfection is entirely subjective. Perception is reality. The holes are only apparent if you are looking for them. There are some lacking performances (the entire Ulster family is mis-cast and have no chemistry whatsoever) and a few technical issues (cameras seen in reflections, over-use of audio effects), but Fissure does one thing amazingly well- it raises the bar for independent filmmaking across the board. It illustrates what can happen when art is refined through a business mind and sculpted into a marketable project by passionate and conscientious craftsmen.

Does the film entertain? It caters to a Hollywood mentality, but, yes, it beats out 80% of the swill you’ll glance over on the rental shelves this weekend. Will the film change your life? Probably not, unless you are a filmmaker. Then perhaps it will open up a world of possibilities and light a fire under your ass. And really, when was the last time ANY film did that for you?

Fissure is making the rounds in the festival circuit but it is being released direct-to-disk this month. It is available on Netflix, Blockbuster, and Amazon starting on Tuesday August 11. So get it in your cues, kiddies, and get ready to enjoy the best fare to come out of Dallas since Fletchers Corny Dogs. And no, that's not a movie...

JC says ‘Check it out’…

"Fissure" Trailer

Shorts, volume 2

2009-08-01T15:54:00.039-05:00

It's that time again, my loves. Time to check out my shorts...

******

SARAH PALIN

The website www.AlaskaReport.com was the first to report that Sarah Palin was running for governor of Alaska and the first website to report that Sarah was picked as John McCain's VP candidate. It is also the first to state that Todd and Sarah Palin are filing for divorce after a National Enquirer story exposed previous affairs on both ends. Sarah, my love, you're entire empire of lies is falling down around your ears. At least that will ruin your chances to run for president in 2012 and that is good enough for me. But apparently you recently signed a book deal worth an estimated 11 million and that really shows the stupidity of the American people and what they choose to feed themselves with. Personally, who WOULDN'T cheat on Sarah Palin? I mean, she's a hot piece of ass and all but for Gideon's sake, could you let up on the holier-than-thou attitude? If you came out and said you just want to be EMPEROR of the WORLD I'd respect you more than I do you're constant demanding for respect. Respect is like sex appeal: you either have it or you don't. Respect is bestowed on people who are not LOOKING for it. Sex appeal is not necessarily based on looks but either way you have to have SOMETHING radiating from you. You can't demand people to get a hard-on for you (though in your case, you've given us all US males a woody since you arrived on the scene two years ago), sexually or otherwise. But you played the part of the MILF beautifully and even pulled the wool over the GOPs eyes for a while. Thank God the drugs are wearing off...

(And regardless if this story is true or not, it fucking should be...)

Here she is talking shit yet once again. Cool lighting though...

Sarah Palin on "hurt feelings" from Dennis Zaki on Vimeo.

******
THE MARS VOLTA

The Mars Volta has a new release entitled Into the Octahedron. The first video is called Since We've Been Wrong and is just amazing. Though not yet on YouTube it can be seen here:

Since We've Been Wrong

A blend of prog-rock, post-punk, jazz fusion, and Latin influences,TMV, won a Grammy in 2009 for "Best Hard Rock Performance" for "Wax Simulacra". They formed in 2001 by guitarist Omar Rodriguez-Lopez and vocalist Cedric Bixler-Zavala. Cedric sounds like the hip re-incarnation of Freddie Mercury with an english degree. Intense conceptual lyrics over a cacophony of progressive instrumental mastery with all the cock-rock posturing and frizzy afros you can take, the Volta is praised for their energetic impromptu performances as much as their brilliance in the studio. You probably won't hear them at the next family barbecue but do your inner music snob a favor and check them out.

Here's "Wax Simulacra" live. Dig it.

******

JENNIFER'S BODY

And this looks like an interesting offering: teen temptress Megan Fox playing the part of a possessed high-school girl with a taste for blood... And how far from the truth do you thing THAT bit of type-casting is?? I would venture to say writer Diablo Cody (who, there is no doubt, if given the slightest chance, I would fuck into oblivion) didn't even have to make any of it up. The director is Karyn Kusama who wrote and helmed the indie pseudo-hit of 2000 "Girlfight" and the beautiful but useless "Aeon Flux" in 2005. It should be interesting, if you're into possessed vixens with a distaste for clothing...

******
CORALINE

Neil Gaiman's gothic child's nightmare"Coraline" was released this last week on DVD. It's a frightening animated tale of a young precocious girl who finds a door in her family's new house that leads her to her OTHER life where everything seems to be wonderful. The key word in that sentence is 'seems'... This film is not for children under 12 but is a wonderfully scary trip to the other side of your imagination. JC says "Check it out."

And I suppose that is it for the shorts this week... Look for my review of Russ Pond's "Fissure" this weekend on Casanova Shrugged. And that means TOMORROW.

♠ JC

Let me show you my shorts...

2009-07-19T20:09:00.014-05:00

Welcome to my shorts. This is not a rambling post like most of my work but rather a quickie, though God knows I prefer LONGIES... Ah, what were we talking about?? Oh, yes, posts... A few quick points of interest that are either too convoluted or just not deserving of an entire post. Like little gems that you find that are worth remembering but not worth changing your life over. This is a new segment and I hope you like it.

I saw a wonderful film last week called "Whatever Works". This film is really a blast (at least I enjoyed it). Woody Allen wrote it some 30 years ago and Larry David from Curb Your Enthusiasm has breathed some great new life into it. JC says, "Check it out..."

I saw Duncan Jones' "MOON" this weekend. For those of you who don't know, he is David Bowie's son. The film borrows from some of the greatest films in the genre: 2001: A Space Odyssey, Solaris, even a little Invasion of the Body Snatchers. A very intense and believable first project for Jones.

Yours truly interviewed the director and the lead actor of a local Dallas film entitled "FISSURE" this last Tuesday. I got my screening copy the night before and have been trying to catch up with my review ever since. I'll post it sometime tomorrow, Saturday the 26th. I'll also be posting the interview in video later next week. Until then, here's the trailer and some press off of YouTube. I hope you enjoy it...

And, after a sweltering weekend of no AC, the compressor at my apartments is once again fixed and it's starting to cool down. Fucking finally.

OK, gotta run. My friend Hunter Sullivan is singing at the Mansion tonight and I'm meeting a group of people there and for dinner before hand. Yes, I know, I know, but even enigmas need a little socializing. Have a great Friday and see you soon.

JC

Holidays, Gravestones, and the Destruction of Life as We Know It.

2009-07-13T09:40:00.027-05:00

Yes, I know the 4th of July is gone. Thank the heavens. I have a thing about expendable holidays. I think Americans are a little too liberal with their celebrations and after Mother’s Day, Labor Day, Father’s Day, and Memorial Day I’m pretty fed up by the time the 4th comes around. Besides, it’s the beginning of the HEAT in Dallas that will last the rest of the year. A friend from up north wrote and said she hopes the heat wave will pass soon. I told her it will… in February. And though I love fireworks I’m not really into standing around watching things explode surrounded by drunk, smelly, obnoxious, sweaty rude strangers. What is it about the 4th that brings out the inner “Deliverance” hillbilly in most people? Ugh. Oh, well, God bless Americana….

As for all the celebs dying lately, you know these people had to go sometime. It’s not like it’s the fucking Black Plague or anything. Anyway, I’m all for thinning the herd. And who best to go than fucked-up celebrities? I don’t care what you think about Michael Jackson’s legacy, the dude was a fucking ALIEN. And the universe, or at least our solar system, is a lot safer with him moving on… And if I hear Man in the Mirror one more time I think I might choke myself. Carradine was the strangest. I mean, what’s a 70-year-old man doing hanging from a pole in a closet with rope around his genitals? Ah, never mind, I don’t really want to know. Sounds like the beginning of a Tarantino film to me. As for Farrah Fawcett, poor thing. What kind of karma would you have to pay to have something eat you alive from the ass outward? (ah, no snickering out there, please…) She should have married Ryan O’Neal when she had the chance. As for Steve McNair, that fucker deserved it. I mean, cheating on your wife with children at home is one thing, but fucking a psycho-billy 20-year-old WHITE GIRL is like kneeling in front of a subway train begging to be run over. Stupid. Motherfucker. Karl Malden was one guy who I’ll miss. Good actor. And who the fuck really cares about Billy Mays, except maybe his family? I mean, really, do you people watch THAT much television to have actually bonded with the spokesman for Oxi-Clean?? Come on. NO ONE made a stink when Dave, the guy from Wendy’s, died a few years back. What misplaced priorities… And Ed McMahon will be missed, surely. What a recognizable voice and face of the Tonight Show long before Mr. Potatohead Jay Leno and Conan O’Brian stepped up to the plate.

I was talking to my dear friend about the glut of social media conferences offered out there by these self-proclaimed gurus lately. The reality is you people need to get a fucking job. And your new career choice of ‘media guru’ is appalling at best. I saw an advertisement that said for ONLY $695 you can come and be part of a MEDIA EVENT in Chicago. No, airfare is not included. Nor hotel. And I’m sure alcohol is not included either. That’s just to get your pimpled ass in the door. And why? To listen to a LIST of “media professionals” talk about how social media is changing the world. Seriously. In many ways you all are simply prostitutes, making money off the delusional, ill-informed, and under-exposed. Now more than ever the adage stands true: those who can, DO. And those who can’tTEACH… social media. You’re all a bunch of snake-oil salesmen to me. Actually, I take that back; it's unfair to the snake. At least I can jack off with snake oil…

Are you ready for the truth, children? Wait for it… Ok, here it comes. Sitting down, lovers???

ATTENTION WALMART WRITERS:

Social media and the internet has DESTROYED our way of life.

It has destroyed the economy for media professionals (and by that I mean REAL PROFESSIONALS who actually PRODUCE CONTENT, not the mommy-bloggers nor the gurus who are raping people for the right to regurgitate the same information that can be found on everyone else’s blog). The Internet itself has crippled the human race sexually (by the introduction of over-the-top porn), socially (by alienating us from real human contact), and psychologically by giving us delusions of grandeur by feeding our egos three squares a day plus snacky-snacks in between. We are all now OBESE MEDIA GLUTTONS.Technological freedom has truly become our slavery. The thing we cling to the closest is what is destroying us. By embracing this quantum leap in communication technology, as much as you hate to admit it, we have doomed ourselves. And every time I read one of you people’s aimless, cutsie blog entries I realize that I am the Omega Man surrounded by the living dead. And I’d rather shoot myself in the head than be one of you.

I am a writer. Like Milton. Like Chaucer. Like Henry Miller. Like Lovecraft. I have life experiences (and some prejudices) which far exceed most of you and I’m able to communicate my thoughts and stories in appealing diatribes that entertain, educate, and inform. I do intense research even in my fiction to make sure that it is viable and not some convoluted shadow of truth that my sick ego just happened to deem real. And what isYOUR work based on? What are YOU writing about? Most of you aspire to be the Rachel Ray of social media when your characters (meaning your personas) are less than human, more of a stereotype, an amalgamation of humanity , than a true representation of the many facets of the human psyche, really.

What I’m hearing from potential publishers is that the market is totally FLOODED with self-help/internet marketing/mommy-blogger-fueled projects. Thank GOD that is not what I write. However, my question to you all is:

What in God’s name do you Cretins possibly have to write about??

It’s not like it’s one long Twitter post, folks. A book is a BOOK. Like Moby Dick. Like Catcher in the Rye. Like Altas Shrugged. What most of you guys do barely makes a decent crank phone call or grocery list much less a serious contribution to the human legacy. Seriously, it reminds me when Non-Linear Editing systems came en force to the market about 5 years ago and people who bought them, coupled with a decent digital camera, immediately called themselves filmmakers. Now, I’m not going to shit on the ‘less is more’ philosophy of filmmaking, but let’s be real:

Just because you own a Ferrari doesn’t mean you can drive it

Possessing the technology tricked these people into thinking they had the insight, the nuance, the story-telling skills, the gift of creating dramatic tension when really all they had was a cool new toy that they didn’t have the desire to really learn to play with correctly. Same thing here. Now that EVERYONE has a blog and enough free time to post the most mundane things they do in their lives, they think people really give a shit. The worse part of it is that you people are actually getting readers. And it shows more about the diluted tastes of the internet masses than your wicked prose skills, believe me.

There is one thing I get from reading the glut of blogs out there simmering in the ether: most of you people are not individuals. You would be NOTHING without other people. You live and work and love and fuck and breed and write and educate and create by COMMITTEE. All of this activity is not a literary wave sweeping the nation, it’s a world-wide fucking support group for geeks, a global 12-step enabling program for breeders and over/under-sexed ignored souls to flourish their egos and get their 15 minutes of fame. You people are delusional. And you know why you all are having such “success”? Because your readers are JUST LIKE YOU. Great pretenders. And that therein lies the problem… Personally, I would rather have one intelligent reader than an army of mental invalids licking my ass. Just saying…

Social media is a tool that must be used with some amount of responsibility. A Tweet came out a few months back saying that Jeff Goldblum died. The poor guy had to go on a talk show to prove to the world he was still alive. It’s amazing how gullible you people are. The more I think about it, the more I believe the atmosphere is totally ripe for another Orsen Wells to rise out of the mist and fabricate something AMAZING to scare the quantum shit out of all you people. Maybe not alien invaders but SOMETHING to shake up our self-righteous and juvenile society. Turn the world inside out, if you will.

I have a brilliant friend of mine who I used to be in a band with over a decade ago. Somewhere during our rise to recognition (and we were good, too, you mothers. It took a while but we were definitely on to something…) he decided that he wanted money instead of fame, left the act, and started singing standards for a living. Now that he’s making 100k+ a year as a glorified wedding singer, I think it's safe to say he’s probably miserable. All he wishes for is the chance to do something of VALUE, something creatively redemptive that will fill those enormous holes in his soul that his wife, his son, and all of his “adoring” fans will never, ever fill: artistic integrity. Remember what I said 20 years ago, dude: You cannot have your cake eat it too. Street cred comes from paying the piper, not paying him off… I will always love my friend but I have realized that he and I are simply natural enemies.

I suppose you could say I’m smug in the knowledge that I have spent my life fighting the good fight, not giving into the temptation to dilute my essence and go the way of the masses, trying desperately to please everyone and succeeding in pleasing few, least of all myself. Yes, I’m a 43-year-old grown ass man who lives like a college student but in many ways it’s kept me young and hungry. Not to trade stocks or currency to make money without ACTUALLY WORKING or any of that shit. No, it’s made me still hungry enough to chase that illusive dream of personal success. And regardless what anyone tells you, personal success does not always equate with financial success. Therefore, I am fortifying my efforts to find a literary agent to represent me as a talent. I WILL be published within the next two years and will live ENTIRELY on my own merit. I can’t even imagine getting married, much less having children, when there are scores of goals I still have yet to reach. And as selfish as it may sound, those goals are more important to me than all the dirty diapers and vomit and stuffed animals and drunk wife episodes under the harvest moon. At least I'll die knowing that, even if I never make it, that I never gave up, that I put my money where my mouth is, and I lived the integrous life of an artist to the very end. And even if I am never remembered when I pass like so many celebrities that have come and gone, I will know that my time here was pure and untainted by the stigma of humanity: settling for something less than what I deserve.

Ok, I’m done. I don’t feel the need to coddle you today. You are grown-ups. Supposedly. I’m off to do battle with the world. A fight I am more than happy to engage in…

JC

The Destruction of the World Part 3… oh, and Father’s Day…

2009-06-21T16:47:00.005-05:00

First of all, I have to say my main man Roland Emmerich’s new film 2012 is right on the mark. Death to humanity as we know it has always been an obsession of mine. I am jealous that he’s had such luck to kill off hundreds of thousands of people in his relatively short career. Independence Day was about aliens attempting to take over the Earth, where entire cities were destroyed. The Day After Tomorrow told about the next Ice Age.

*heavy sigh*

I’m soo jealous… God, why do you mock me???

Secondly, it’s Father’s Day. And for some reason that resonates so much more with me than “Mother’s Day”, since my mother chooses to be a critical, vindictive source of stress and guilt in my life. Not that my father is a saint. Please. He’s far from it. And I think what endears me to him is that fact that he doesn’t try to pretend he’s this pious steaming pile of rose-scented shit that I should ingest by the ladle-full simply because he was unlucky enough to not pull out some 43 years ago. No, he’s always been the one to embrace his kink, take his whippings, and continue on like a good staff infection. No apologies, no tears, just on to the next battle.

I have learned so much from my father. Not just his simplistic lizard-brain approach to life in modern society but also his impulsiveness, his prejudice, his sex-addiction, his charm, his affability, his sincerity… I wouldn’t be who I am without his support and love.

I would hope that if Karma ever catches up with me and God decides to punish my eternal deflections with the malodorous task of actually fathering a human larvae, that I would be at least as honestly indifferent and passionately confused about the task as my father was/is.

So after a nice brunch at a quaint little place called Buzz Brews here in Dallas, I am once again back at home thankful for my father and the fact that he would rather be at home watching the golf open then be running around with the crazy masses trying to pretend to want to hang in the hot Dallas sun. Not that my father doesn’t want to spend time with me, but we both know that he should do what HE wants to do, not what I nor anyone else should expect him to want. And I respect that. Truly.

So happy father’s day to all you idiots who were too drunk to pull out on time. Enjoy your day- you get so few of them all to yourself…

*heavy sigh*

JC

Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired

2009-05-31T21:11:00.051-05:00

I've decided that being depressed is it's own factory of depression. Yes, there are black angels like my mother who's warped sense of guilt for ignoring me as a child has turned her into a well-meaning and totally carcinogenic source of guilt and body-destroying stress. Yes, there are extenuating circumstances and, yes, there are hurdles at every turn in my life right now, but I have the choice of whether I want to stay in the shitter or not. Kind of like torturing yourself thinking about your ex having sex with someone else... Sooo not productive and self-sabotaging. The world is cruel and intimidating enough without me feeding it fuel. Or so my therapist would say... if I could afford to go to her, that is.

I actually went and spent some time with my mother this last weekend. Of course, she's been angry at me for two weeks because of a fundamental difference in our priorities and methodologies. I finally got her to agree to disagree and things got better from there... for a while. I wonder about our role reversal at times but have way too much to deal with right now to ponder why I'm schooling my mother about the nuances of human living. But of course, she can destroy months of negotiations with a single well-placed criticism that makes me want to impale myself on a Winnebago. C'est la vie...

Though I am at a decidedly low point, I do not want a hand-out. No, I don't think anyone owes me anything. I just need a little buffer, just a little leverage. A chance at bat. Send me in, coach. I can do it.

God, I sound pathetic...

I have decided that I am NOT jealous of people half my age who have 10 times the money/possessions/success/influence that I do. I know I am talented and whether I go to my grave being one of only six people wh0 know it too, then so be it. I am unable to fit into the happy, shiny facade of the corporate world. Not that I don't have the talent to motivate, hire, and manage good workers, I just cannot bring myself to pretend that I don't know that's it's all a bunch of ego-bullshit. Kind of like the filmmaker's pavilion at the AFI Film Festival where everyone is walking around with their dicks hanging out at half-mast so everyone else can admire the girth and rigidity of their hard-ons. My problem is I usually care more about things than the owners of the companies I work for. N0t necessarily monetarily but the integrity, the conscience, the essence, if you will, of the creative process. Unfortunately, the corporate environment is more interested in immediate gratification than the cultivation of true progression. It's the Ugly American Syndrome made flesh. And all the smarmy, smiling, Stepford people who are automatons of mediocrity and self-preservation make me want to swallow a poisonous blow-fish and do belly-flops.

I cannot alter the fact that I am a dark individual. I didn't say HEINOUS or MORBID or GOTHIC (though, I used to be a cute Hispanic terror in black eye-liner back in the day...) or even CRUEL. Hell, I'm more respectful of people's privacy than they are most of the time. It's just that I am not Guy Kawasaki nor any of the SCORES of female Nazi conformist cheerleaders on Twitter who just LOVE everyone. I will NEVER love everyone. On a basic level, I can barely stand most people at all. So when I hear how AMAZING all of someone's 4,287 followers are I don't know who to choke first, that person or myself. I mean, how valuable is something that you give to EVERYONE UNCONDITIONALLY??? Seriously, folks, think about it. It reminds me of the movie The Incredibles when the arch-villain Syndrome has Mr. Incredible imprisoned on his private island and he says at the end of his monologue "I will sell my technology so EVERYONE can be super... And when everyone is super, NO ONE will be super..." It's fucking true. I have a dream that is an extension of my childhood fantasies: I am receiving my Oscar and in my home town at various parties a large number of women will look up at the television screen and right as I accept my award will look at one another with a bored look and say, "I fucked him..."

People give their hearts and minds and bodies and rights and dreams away to anyone for any reason. I will never be one of those people. Even if it means being alone and unknown for the rest of my fucking pathetic little life. I know I have worth, even if the rest of the world has no clue. I will go to my grave knowing in my cold obsidian heart that all men are not created equal and that life is not fair. Because that is the honest truth. And truth is dark. The Catholic Church is founded on a complex series of lies and manipulation, very much like many of the media companies I've toiled for in the past. So are most interpersonal relationships. I lie, you lie, we choose to believe what we want and we get each other off. What a dead-end way to live life. Not to say I don't like getting myself and others off. But what, may I ask, is the price for ass?? Children? Who wants to birth a bunch of miscreants? I am so much happier living alone. Though, yes, I am in a passionate relationship of sorts with a married woman. Again, lies and deceit. But not towards me. Her husband had his chance and fucked it up for the last 20 years. Step aside, fuck-face. After watching everyone I know fuck it up, believe me, I know how to keep someone happy. And I do my best even though we live across the country from one another.

I suppose what I'm trying to impart is that success and failure are all part of the cycle of life. And again, the Cordovaism of "Perception is Reality" is so applicable. And it's time to change my point of view before my perception kills me... literally and figuratively.

Of course I came to these decisions after sleeping till noon and wallowing in my own natural juices for the last week or so. I just think I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Even if you've broken every bone in your body the day will come when you are tired of lying in bed being an invalid and will throw yourself on the floor and drag your own broken ass to the nearest bar just to get some relief. And that's where I am. Not at a bar, per se, but in that conclusive state.

Of course, if the Academy wakes up one day and decides to make me its newest over-night sensation (at press time, 43 years in the making) I will be ever-so-humble and accept on my own behalf and thank NO ONE who has ever been an obstacle. Fuck you people. But after reading the Twits about the smarmy cast of Twilight (which, being a faithful follower of this blog, you know I have boycotted on every level because of its affiliation with the Mormons who happen to be the ramrod behind little social gems like Proposition 8 which is attempting to outlaw gay marriage) acting out on the MTV Movie Awards, I know that I can surpass their shallow mimes of gratefulness with the real McCoy. And I don't mean Horace. (who wrote 'They Shoot Horses Don't They?' which became Jane Fonda's first break-out role. He is also a minor character written into the mythology I created for White Rock, my latest and greatest screenplay. But I digress...)

Things that come so easily for most people are insanely difficult for me. And I suppose it's vice/versa, but the only difference is most people don't want to be intelligent barometers of society and God knows I just need a decent job so I can pay my fucking bills on time. Ah, the irony of life... But it's true, people look at me and know something is up with me. I’m not like them. It’s not that I look like Christopher Walken, walk with a stoop, have hairy knuckles, and stare at women’s tits while I talk to them (at least not all the time). No, it’s like they know that I'm some kind of alien, kind of like that horrible John Carpenter sci-fi film from 1988 called They Live featuring the wrestler Rocking Roddy Piper where with the aid of special sunglasses humans can see that the people around them are really invading aliens. And I don't mean from Tijuana. They can smell it on me. Like women can smell when a man has had sex with another woman. It’s pheromonal. I’m not like other men out there. I am deeper, more intense, and more talented than the average bear. And therefore they refuse to give me jobs, assistance, and the respect that they would gladly bestow on an idiot savant with half my skills, talent, and charm.They would rather give gold to a bum then give me a contact name who might be able to assist me in finding an agent (or part-time work). Everything is a little harder for me because I'm ABLE. I'm talented. I don't really NEED anyone. I swear I feel like I'm the protagonist in a new Ayn Rand novel. But the truth is there is no one in the world I'd rather be than myself. At least I can look in the mirror every day and feel good about my life. A little money couldn't hurt, though...

If I’m at all jealous it’s of young hot women. I’m not sure about anywhere where else in the country but in Dallas if you’re female and hot you can get a job anywhere doing anything for anyone. You can be a blithering idiot (which most are) and still make 60k a year doing absolutely NOTHING. It’s almost ridiculous. I have dated numerous women in the past who are in, albeit very detailed, support positions who all make six figures a year. Being a support person. I understand that it is very much like studio directing- orchestrating multiple feeds and talent and schedules into a seamless work-flow. (come to think of it, I couldn’t do that job) But the it’s a SUPPORT POSITION. And I aspire to be so much more. A lesser man would convert to Buddhism and commit hari-kari and have his best friend upload it to YouTube. And believe me, I’ve thought of it. However, I would never put my best friend through that trauma. She's actually the one who is keeping me afloat, doing the dog paddle. Thank God Hispanics float. (right, the Ice Queen is more ethnic than I am, but that is for another post entirely... )

And forget the adage about youth being wasted on the young. What's really obscene is celebrity wasted on celebrities. Aren't there any integrous people to obsess over? But I suppose Tommy Lee is a bit more interesting than Mahatma Ghandi... Ugh, I have not the will nor the strength to open that smelly can of worms right now... But I think you get the picture.

I have a new favorite band. It's the British quartet White Lies. And not just for the brilliance of their moniker, either. Here is one of the most lyrically intimate songs that I have heard in decades. I hope you enjoy it. It's called "To Lose My Life".

So, I guess you can see my dark side through the music I listen to. But it touches me. And not very many things or people ever will.

You know those cliche inspirational magnets you see on people's refrigerator's that say things like "Don't forget what's important to you", "Dare to Dream", "Never Give Up" and other hopeful individualistic propaganda like that? Well, I read them and actually live my life by them. So for better or worse, I owe my success/failure to the writers of magnets.

You fuckers owe me big-time.

Heavy sigh...

In closing I'd like to take a moment to praise New Hampshire which became the sixth US state along with Massachusetts, Connecticut, Maine, Vermont, and Iowa to legalize gay marriage. Of course, if you have read Casanova Shrugged for a while you know that I am neither gay nor married but I stand behind the civil rights of alternative lifestyle citizens, people just like you and me who deserve the same rights, responsibilities, and respect that the rest of the mindless breeders out there get handed to them for free. You people in these states have restored my faith, ever so slightly, in our American system. It's a shame the media is already talking about possible candidates for 2012. Apparently, Obama is already being dismissed in the conservative minds. I can't wait till a drunk Bristol Palin is discovered munching some carpet some day. You people are in for a rude awakening. But of course, it would all be squelched by the media.

God bless America...

And that's all from the edge this evening, kiddos. Keep your chins up, darlings... Both of them...

JC

Life At the Shooting Range: Memoires from the Target

2009-05-19T18:52:00.022-05:00

I have been absent for about two months from this blog. I'm sure most of you couldn't care less. But in that time I found myself stretching the boundaries of my creativity, fostering a growing love affair (no, not just with myself, asshole), and was threatened for the first time with life-endangering parasites. Kind of like if Han Solo went out on his own and started a film franchise based not on the balancing zen/Enter-the-Dragon-esque charms of the Force but rather the sinister, seductive, and secular route of spacey piracy... (hey, let me write that one down... Lucas fucking NEEDS an idea...) Except my journey was nowhere as exciting as one I would create. So much for life imitating art...

Now, if you are completely new to Casanova Shrugged and are too fucking lazy to skip through the ill-fated IN THE NEWS TODAY segments to get to the heart of what this blog is about, (though I must admit there are some little editorial gems there worth mining), then let me tell you I have just recently finished what I consider to be the greatest project I've ever written. It is a screenplay, a ghost-story set in the 1960's in Dallas, Tx, my current location and hometown (if you must know). I had a deadline that I more-or-less made at the first of May (first WEEK of May is the same thing, kiddies). We have investor interest but, like everything in this God-forsaken industry, we'll see what happens. But this is the real deal, yall. I have put everything I have into this and I'll stand behind it. But that doesn't mean it won't be panned by every company out there. There is, truly, in this industry more than most, no accounting for Taste. But still I throw myself out there like a battered wife that can't stand to lose.

For those interested, here's a small taste of what it's like...

FLASHBACK.
INT. OLD HILTON INN - NIGHT

A young Andrásné Szabó is talking to a friend behind the hotel. The man hands him a name tag that said Bora.
Next, he is in a waiters uniform carrying a case of wine up to a very solid security door. He knocks in a pattern. The door opens and he steps into a dark Bridal Suite. Music is playing and people are populating the shadows as he walks through the sea of writhing bodies to the bar.

ANDRÁSNÉ SZABÓ
(narration)

I remember one night in particular. I barely made it out with my life... It was the first and last time I worked for the Jewel Club. I had picked up a shift from a guy I didn’t know very well. He said it was a VIP party, very secretive. His daughter was getting married and he couldn’t get off work or something... I had to wear his name tag and speak to no one. He said the money would be great so I agreed...

There is another patterned knock on a door. The door opens and Rose enters one of the Bridal Suites from a service entrance. She is wearing a sheer gown with bustier underneath. Her make-up is severe and sensual. The room is dark and smoky. A gorgeous blonde European woman, Madam Belle, smiles and closes the door behind her. She hugs little Rose in the dark haze and slips a pill in her hand.

ROSE DAVIS
What is this?

MADAME BELLE

They’re called Quaalude. It will help, believe me.

Don’t be afraid. These men are all VIP’s, very wealthy. They will take care of you. Just be your beautiful self...

She leans over and kisses the side of Roses’ face a little too tenderly. Rose turns and Belle pats her on the ass.

Men are everywhere touching, breathing, watching everyone and themselves. The pill is starting to take effect. Rose grabs a glass of wine off the waiters tray as he passes by and slams it. We see the waiter is a young Andrásné Szabó. Rose is walking slowly through the suite. Music is playing and couples are dancing close together in the shadows. Rose watches a group of men surround a single girl and start undoing their pants.

Rose pulls a cigarette out of her robe. Just as she’s about to light it a hand appears and strikes a silver lighter.

KEVIN FOWLER
May I?

ROSE DAVIS
Thank you.

She puffs on her cigarette and sees he is a tall lanky man in a gray suit. His hair looks like he has shoe polish in it. She notices a scar over his right cheek but doesn’t let him see her look at it. She slinks next to him. He bends down and kisses her, hard. She pulls away, coy.

ROSE DAVIS (CONT’D)
I’m Rose. I recognize you from the Fairmont. What’s your name?

KEVIN FOWLER
It’s none of your fucking business, cunt.

ROSE DAVIS
Excuse me?

The man shoves her up against the wall by the throat as he feels her up with his other hand. She can’t scream. No one can see that she’s in danger. She struggles for a bit and then kicks him in the balls. He doubles over and lets her go.
He straightens up and storms out of the entrance knocking others over in his haste to get out the door.
Rose runs to the back of the apartment where the madame Eva stands.

MADAME BELLE
Rose?

ROSE DAVIS
Belle, I can’t do it! He tried to strangle me. Help me!

MADAME BELLE
Baby...

She puts her arm around the shivering girl .
The security man Burke walks up and grabs Rose by the wrist. She screams and pulls away.

MADAME BELLE (CONT’D)
She’s just a kid, Burke, for Christ’s sake!

BURKE
Whatever. Tonight she’s an entertainer. And everybody here has to be entertained... At least once...

MADAME BELLE
Let me fix her up. She’ll be along. Go.

She shoos him and he reluctantly walks away.
Belle pulls out a wad of bills from her robe pocket and gives it to Rose.

MADAME BELLE (CONT’D)
Here. Take it, little one. And go. Tonight is not for you.

ROSE DAVIS
Thank you. I’m so sorry.

MADAME BELLE
Go. And don’t come back...

...And that's all you get. I hope it sparked your interest. Of course, I have to save the really good stuff for the film. But you can see the level of intensity. It's OK. It's been registered with the Writer's Guild of America for a week now.

I had some friends come in town a few weeks ago and went out and totally over-did myself. After the binge, I started having strange traveling pains in my abdomen. Now, being the product of a fucked-up childhood I am what I would politely refer to as a total head case when it comes to personal health and safety. Being my mother's son, I am easily the worst hypochondriac that I know, even though I rarely take medication of any sort unless it's homeopathic. I am, in all probability, undiagnosed ADD and depressive yet somehow live my life without chemicals (not including pot, that is) that could very well make my journey less traumatic. I just don't want to get into the habit of taking things and becoming dependent upon them. Which is funny seeing as that snorting $50 worth of cocaine every now and then or inhaling $100 bar tabs at a moments notice seems to be no problem for me whatsoever. Selective boundaries, I choose to call it. But give me a phantom pain and immediately I think either my spleen is rupturing, my appendix is about to explode, or the spiders from the Stephen King film The Mist are eating me from the inside out. Rational thinking from an intelligent creative? Not so much... But the one thing that makes me a great artist is the same thing that stops me in my tracks like a deer in headlights: a vivid and overpowering imagination.

Anyway, about 3 days later I caught a very bad cold, which wouldn't have been a problem had I not made plans to meet my lover in Venice, CA for a few days. I started popping Mexican amoxicillin like Skittles and hoped for the best. Three days later and two days before my departure I knew it was doing NOTHING for me. I took my ass to Primacare and was told that I had a massive viral infection and it was no wonder the anti-biotics weren't working. He put me on STEROIDS to knock out a bad case of bronchitis. He told me to be careful and stay away from sick people because the steroids would wipe out my immune system. The next day the news announced the on-coming threat of swine flu. Fucking great.

Somehow I made it to California without contracting the pig virus. But after another 2 days I still felt like shit. I called my ex DS who is a homeopath and she told me to get on some Arsinica Album. 2 days after that I was able to breathe and enjoyed the rest of my vacation.

When I returned to Dallas I knew that the abdominal pains hadn't subsided and went to see an internist. Ugh. Thus began a 10-day sojourn of icky and embarrassing procedures culminating in a colonoscopy.

Let me say now: Biology is disgusting.

The procedure itself was a walk in the park. It's the GALLON of sodium bicarbonate solution you have to drink in AN HOUR the night before that causes you to shit your guts out until you're passing nothing but water that disturbed me to my core. I thank the Elohim that I'm single- I couldn't imagine the embarrassment of having to do that in a house full of people! Fucking disgusting.

When I came out of the surgery my doctor said I was lucky: he found a large polyp that he removed. If we had waited another 3-4 years to get this procedure done I would surely have developed colon cancer by then. He even had pictures to show me. Ugh. I could have done without the visual aids. (and for all the Japanese in the audience- dude, there is NOTHING sexy about endoscopic video. Yuck.) There were also a series of lesions that looked like someone had taken an Exacto knife and made random cuts in my intestinal wall. So gross. And unexplainable.

The funny part was the anesthesiologist came to me afterwords and, knowing I had told him I took recreational drugs (POT), asked me what other drugs I was taking... He said he had to give me like 3 times what a normal person would have needed. So much for my love of opiates...

When I finally got diagnosed there were no gallstones, no inflamation of the liver, actually all my cholesterol and triglyceride levels were all excellent. He told me it was irritable bowel syndrome caused by...

...wait for it...

..STRESS.

Alert the fucking media. Gee, I just lost a job 3 months ago, I work in the most stressful industry next to waiting tables, and I'm a natural stress-monster. Who would have thought that it would cause my body to eat itself???

Christ on a stick...

But the good thing is I dodged a bullet. So if you guys haven't had it done yet, go in for your forty-thousand mile check-up and get it done. You'll hate it, but it could literally safe your life.

The only negative thing is I got placed on this strange medicine that I have to take with my meals that also puts me into lala land. No wonder, it's kin to Valium. If you're interested, you can read about it here:

Chlordiazepoxide

Some crazy shit. And I can't drink much on it. It totally puts me out after a couple beers. I'm sooo not happy.

So much for modern medicine. The truth is I think I was infected by the government so as to get me on some psychotropic medicine to take my edge off and make me more docile. I have to fight it. I have to find some way to live without this crap zoning me out like Lithium. I need to get healthy, get back into yoga and start some meditation to bring my stress level down. I don't want to be another zombie out there walking around infecting the world with my fuckedupness.

So, for better or worse, I'm back. In black. I have a new project coming up but it won't be a rush job so I'll be posting more or less regularly from now on.

Hope all of you are enjoying the spring. It won't last for much longer here in Dallas.

Love and snickers to you all.

JC

In the News Today, Friday February 20, 2009

2009-02-20T12:47:00.004-06:00

Nadya Suleman, the fuckstick mother who is ripping the rest of America off should take this offer from Angels in Waiting who are willing to help pay to raise and care for her brood. At press time, she hasn't yet responded. I hope she's been hit by a fucking bus...

She's a selfish crazy bitch who should NEVER have been allowed to have children in the first place...

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British reality star Jade Goody: down for the count. Thank god...

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Governor calls on Senator Burris to resign.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

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Gibbs: Santelli wrong about Obama Plan... People are going to have to be responsible. I love it.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

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Cheney rears his ugly fucking head yet again using FEAR to undermine our new president and his policies, only weeks old...

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

I just had to get a quick one in before the weekend. Have a great Friday evening and see you guys later...

JD

In the News Today, Thursday February 18, 2009

2009-02-19T11:48:00.006-06:00

This is so fucking sad. Dolphins trapped in a hole in the ice in Seal Cove, Newfoundland. Poor babies... They can hear them crying at night...

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Mr. Obama Goes to Canada. Sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, doesn't it? Or a road film from the 60's. And for the record, I would love to see Melissa Long naked. Just sayin...

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Woman blinded by acid attack demands "eye for an eye" justice. And she's going to get it... This is so unsettling....

Anyone who thinks her demand is against human rights is an idiot. At least he's being allowed to live. Better than what would happen if it had been someone in MY FAMILY. I shit you not...

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Some people in India do not care for the success of "Slumdog Millionaire"...

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If we lose the bees, we are not far behind. A sign of the apocalypse? Perhaps. I agree, bees deserve a bail-out instead of Wall Street. We can live without Wall Street...

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UBS, Swiss' largest bank, is agreeing to turn over names of Americans who might be eluding paying taxes to the American IRS.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

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Sarah Palin's intent unclear for Alaskans after her campaign... I hope she's ousted. That fucking bitch is dangerous. And stupid.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

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World Bank warns of the dangers of melting glaciers... This is real shit, people. Wake the fuck up...

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

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Phillipe Cousteau speaks on offshore drilling. Smart guy, but he looks like a fucking douche. Jeremy Pivin wannabe? Smarmy... But right...

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

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Oh... I cried when watching this... A female koala bear accepts human help after being rescued from the Australian fires... What a sweet baby...

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

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I never really cared for her until she decided to strike back at the Evil Sarah Palin empire, but now I think I would actually sleep with Ashley Judd...

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Judd's looking pretty hot in that sleeveless silver dress, I must say...

Heavy sigh...

Ok, that's it for this beautiful Thursday afternoon. Have a great day and a productive tomorrow...

JC

In the News Today, Wednesday February 18, 2009

2009-02-18T11:58:00.006-06:00

After a bit of an absence, we're back with our news highlights for today...

If you choose to live with blinders on, should we make everyone wear them too? Georgia lawmakers are trying to tell you what you can and CANNOT learn in school. It's all just another form of censorship by the Religious Right but education might actually help our kids from suppressing things and becoming sociopaths . What do you think?

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And yet another Muslim crime of passion or honor or whatever they call their rituals for killing wives and family members who disagree with them... All these people should be exterminated themselves to show how unjust their actions are. Muzzammil Hassan kills his astranged wife who helped him build the Muslim-based Bridges television station. Assfuck.

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Bristol Palin is a fucking idiot. Totally. "I (want to help) prevent teen pregnancy, I guess..." You stupid cunt. You've been raising your siblings all your life. It's all you fucking know.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Fuck her. She's no fucking role model. She's a statistic.

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Travis the 200 lbs. chimp mauls a woman and is shot dead in Connecticut. She was probably trying to fuck him.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Who the fuck is stupid enough to keep a chimp?? Idiots...

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Ethanol losing steam. Then gas prices fell (though they are already rising again). Farmers are fucked yet again...

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

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Fireballs zooming over Texas were not debris... But a truck-sized meteor. Right...

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

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Watch out for scams during this tax season, everyone.

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Facebook backs down. You fuckers...

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

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A nude photo from an ex girlfriend got a dumb boy in jail. Poor little guy...

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Is Google invading your privacy?? Or just ripping off BrightKite?

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Actually it would be great for security for single women and seniors. But of course, it will be misused eventually. We fuck everything good up.

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This fucking kid needs to go to prison. 18 year old boy blackmails other boys for gay sex. Fucking perv...

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

And that's the way the world looks so far today...

To All the Girls I’ve Loved Before

2009-02-14T18:49:00.026-06:00

(Disclaimer: Yes, I know my Valentine's post is a little late, but for Christ's sake, people, I have a life. So take one more bong hit, a big swig off that 40, and buckle up.)

It’s that time again, my lovers, to get off your asses, shave your pits, pluck those brows, get a Brazilian, grab the closest warm body next to you, and get ready to get BUSY… That great American birth-rate accelerator/greeting card seller/suicide jump-starter Valentine’s Day is here again.

And in commemoration of 43 years of sexual proclivities, I want to take this moment to remember all the women I’ve swapped bodily fluids with in the past and present. You all have made me the untrusting, hyper-sexed, snobbish, holier-than-thou social emulsifier barely standing before you. I won’t bore you by mentioning all 187 (and counting) but, in no particular order, these are some of, as I like to call them:

Cordova’s Greatest Hits…

To Tina M, I soooo would have gotten arrested for you back then. Gladly. Some little gangbanger is a lucky motherfucker… But you’re no longer 17 and I’m no longer 22 so I don’t feel so bad…

To Alice B, if you hadn’t moved to Georgia with your adopted family I soo would have gotten you pregnant and my whole life would be different. Sometimes I think about it… I hope you’re happy, sweetheart…

To Lousie B, I fell in love with you in London when I was 18 and have never forgotten about you. I hope you’re happy wherever you are.

To Rene S, in another world we would have been much closer. The good news is: we still have time…

To Nancy S, I’m not sure what happened to you after college, but I’ll always remember you as that hot little sister… damn…

To Tiernan A, I’m sooo glad you are happily married now. We had some amazing times. You are the only woman I ever lived with. You totally cured me of that desire. I guess your brother was right about me…

To KYB, no one has heard from you in ages. I hope all is well. You were a much better friend to me than I was to myself…

To Jana C, you deliciously fucked-up little speed-freak… Man, I loved fucking you. I will forever remember the morning of 911 for a very different reason than anyone else in America. I hope you got some help…

To Lori Q, I think about you more than you will ever know. Glad you’ve met someone in OC who you can trust and put up with. I hope you’re happy. Tell your sister I still think she’s hot.

To Kim S, I wonder if you’re still fucking that married guy you’ve been wasting your time on for 10 years… probably. You never knew when to quit. And that’s why I dated you for so long…

To the hot little red-head I screwed on the plane on the way to Frankfort, you were an amazing piece of ass. I’m still amazed you didn’t give me an STD.

To Tania G, I’m sorry for all the problems but things turned out better for the both of us because of it.

To Dee S, you were so fucking smart. You taught me more about myself than anyone ever could and changed my life for the better. Thank you.

To Lisa D, we probably weren’t ever meant to be friends but we tried. And now we’re not because your choice of crazy people in your life. Good luck, you will fucking need it.

To Beata K, you are a crazy bitch but lucky for you you’re hot. Too bad you make horrible choices. I’d still fuck you, though… with an asbestos body sock on…

To Jamie C, I hope you chill out and learn to trust people again. I cared so much for you but you would never forgive me for being who I am. I hope no one ever does to you what you did to me…

To FR, thank you for giving me the best in your life. I hope I make you as happy as you make me…

I could do this all day, but the point is that each person we give our hearts and bodies to makes us who we are. There are bits and pieces of each of those women in me right now. And for better or worse there are bits of me in them as well.

What is the history of Valentine’s Day?

Well, legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men , his crop of potential soldiers. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.

Fun times, eh?

Here are a couple of fun facts:

-Approximately 85 percent of all valentines are purchased by women.

-In addition to the United States, Valentine's Day is celebrated in Canada, Mexico, the United Kingdom, France, and Australia.

-According to the Greeting Card Association, an estimated one billion valentine cards are sent each year, making Valentine's Day the largest card-sending holiday of the year, second only to Christmas.

You can read the entire article I just plagiarized right here:

VALENTINES HISTORY

I am currently seeing someone who is… encumbered. "What a tangled web we weave when we choose not to conceive…" It’s true, if I had married, had children, had the relationship collapse, and couldn’t find a way out I’d be like everyone else I know my age group. But of course I stayed single and therefore can now enjoy all the wonderful elements of being an adult with out the pressures of family and responsibility. It's like being a wealthy college student, with a bitchin car. Big bangs, no whammies. I'm fucking lucky. At least in my estimation.

Now before you all call me a homewrecker, FUCK YOU. This woman has been sacrificing her life for her kids and her absentee husband for the past 20 years. She is a big girl and has made her own decisions which she and I will be fully responsible for. I don’t say anything about all the cesspools you all choose to swim in (at least not to your faces). The least you can do is pretend I’m Henry Miller, get a good read from my infidelities and just take it as modern-day mythology. Oh, and shut the fuck up. I don't need you to save me from anything.

Just saying...

With that in mind, the best thing about dating someone who is married and has already had children is that you don’t have to worry about them getting pregnant. They are either fixed or are willing to take birth control in a heartbeat. The LAST thing they want is trouble. So unless he/she’s a self-destructive freak they will probably be very accommodating. Also, if they've been in a monotonous monogamy (say that 10 times fast) they usually won't have STDs and are just DYING to have some hot, juicy, unprotected sex. (God, I hate condoms...)

PLUS they get a preponderance of boring melodrama in their REAL lives so they usually save all the good stuff for their LOVER. In this case, that would be me. Now of course in earlier posts I expounded on the trappings of such ambitions. However, the truth is love is where you find it. And at press-time the pluses in our situation far outweigh the liabilities. That might not always be the case, but that, my little munchkins, is for another post entirely…

One thing is for certain: any woman sharing my bed will NOT turn out like that insane bitch Nadya Suleman, the anathema of American motherhood, the poster-mother for out of control American self-obsession and excess, the one truly repellent breeder (not including Sarah Palin) that single-wombly overshadowed Bob and Michelle Duggar, the horrific Arkansas family that has 18 fucking children and counting… I’m sorry you’ve had such a sad, lonely life, Nadya, but no one, not even your gynecologist, is going to want to look at that horse vagina you’re swinging between your legs like matching mudflaps. So you’re hopes for a boyfriend have disappeared in the reality of being the Old Woman living in the Shoe.

Which reminds me of a limerick by Andrew Dice Clay:

There was an old woman who lived in a Shoe,
She had so many children,
Her uterus fell out.

(We could only hope...)

Some media stations have shown a picture of you next to Angeliga Jolie (the Madonna of Un-Planned Parenthood) stating you’re kinda hot.

EARTH TO NADYA- don’t believe everything you read.

You are obsessed with Jolie (whom I personally believe is a lot like her character in Beowulf, evil incarnate) by getting collagen in your lips (which you swear you didn’t do), wearing your hair the same way, and having a Quaker Oaks Instant Brood, but the similarities stop there. You look like a fucking Winnebago from the tits down, sista. Seriously. And you’ve received death threats? Doesn’t fucking surprise me, seeing as that the state of California will be flipping the bill to raise all your mongoloid children. Ooo, she went into hiding... Can you really hide with 14 kids?? Oh, wait, you’ve already pawned them off on everyone else for their protection... Bitch, no one wants your kids- they want you. On a stake. And I can’t say I blame them. You wouldn’t know personal responsibility if it took a Hot Carl on your face and then kissed you. And you received HOW MUCH because one of those tiny lives you gambled with has a slight impediment? Of course it probably has NOTHING to do with your Frankenstein fertility procedures… You don’t deserve to be threatened, you deserve to be put in PRISON for crimes against humanity.

At least it will keep your depressive fertile ass off the streets. Just listen to yourself...

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

ANYWAY, if you were wondering, THIS IS NOT HOW TO DO IT, people.

Ahh… I feel sooo much better now. Thanks for indulging me...

OK, I’m going to open a Shiraz, watch some good porn, and wish my girl were on this side of the world. Have a lovely time cumming your clits off, ladies. And gentlemen, let us do what we do best. Be safe, be happy, and be respectful. But PLEASE do yourself and the rest of the world a favor- DON’T GET YOURSELVES PREGNANT.

You don’t have the hips for it…

♠ JC

The Road Goes Ever On…

2009-01-27T16:33:00.038-06:00

If you’re wondering why Cordova, the Obaminator, didn’t post an elaborate celebratory palm-fest gushing all over myself like some masturbatory Bacchanalian egoist on Inauguration Day it’s because after a glance at CNN, MSNBC, the BBC, and FOXNEWS I saw that everyone else was doing a fine job of it already… how utterly predictable it would have been for me to get on the band wagon. Knowing in my heart that I was right in my affiliations is more than enough validation for me, thank you, unlike so many disappointed Republicans I’ve run into since the election who act like we just ushered in the Antichrist. And I’ve met some fundamentalists who actually BELIEVE WE DID JUST THAT. It’s appalling how people criminalize what they do not understand. But at some point you have to leave people to their own delusions and move on down the road. I refuse to expend the rest of my life trying to convince people to use their brains and logic. Sooner or later you realize there is a line of demarcation and you accept it. If McCain had won I would simply have gotten a good Valium prescription, hunkered down to prepare for impact, and just shut the fuck up. But many old-school Republicans seem to be extremely bitter about the fact that a sexy, educated Afro-American man is now telling them what to do. He’s like the black Bill Clinton without the morality issues. ABOVE REPROACH. Hell, even Chris Rock admitted that he had problems coming up with things to make fun of him about…

If you’re interested, here is the Acceptance Speech of the Century…

Speech

Yes, like it or not, we have entered a new era of American history with the first truly inspirational leader to be in power in my lifetime, JFK notwithstanding. We are all going to have to make sacrifices to get to where we want to be in the coming years. So as my dedication to change and this new regime I, John Cordova, vow to go a little easier on you people. I’ll strive to only strike you open-handed and I will never leave a mark. I will listen to your whiny pleas and bitches a little longer than I would like, I will tolerate your fits of insecurity, and I will keep from obliterating your existence in my mind and therefore negating your place in my perceptive reality. All in the name of societal evolution. But only if you promise not to act like emo psychotic Nazis and to try to get your collective shit together. (You know there is nothing unconditional with me) But if you swear to do your part, I will do mine.

I’m beginning to think if you take life like an on-running joke it’s a lot easier to deal with. A joke that often you may brunt of. But many times not.

I’m sitting at a bar working the night before the Inauguration. I see a guy come in, his almost-obscenely beautiful girlfriend next to him in the Dallas-girl late-winter uniform: gray wool leggings tucked into poofy shin-high Uggs, and a skin-tight thermal North Face zip shirt. She’s 5’1” at best, a tiny little-girl’s body sporting a pair of ENORMOUS breasts obviously from augmentation surgery (and I can tell because those firm ripe melon tits are literally as big as her fucking head and without them soaking wet she wouldn’t weigh 100 lbs.). Now, it's true that these days the hormones in the milk have deeply affected female maturation. I mean, when I was 12 I don't remember girls my age having tits as big as their faces. But the Cordova Eye can tell the difference in bounce and reverberation. All it takes is just paying attention. Plus she has no hips and the ass of a 12 year old boy. Really, I’m more astounded than excited. I mean, who the fuck thinks that is sexy?? (And all you pedophiles can just put your fucking hands down, please.) Taste and style are everything, even in the sack, my darlings. If you are THAT insecure to have to blow your chest up like Navy rescue pontoons just to get a boyfriend then my voice here, my dedication to the truth will only make you feel like REAL shit, honey, because as far as I know they have yet to make implants for the heart OR the soul… So you’re shit out of luck. Besides , if you need all that just to keep someone’s attention and get them to like you, you have much bigger problems that being flat-chested, girly. Just saying…

Personally, I prefer my women like coastal high-ways: scenic, inspiring, and full of dangerous curves… The dumb emaciated Twiggy look is only good for porn. For what they lack in musculature and personality they make up for in anal retribution. So, maybe she’s a porn star. She might deserve a special dispensation… I shall investigate further…

But then I look at her companion, a seemingly humorless male in excellent physical condition, tall (though you wouldn’t notice it because he hunches over like Quasimodo), wearing a $2K wristwatch and $400 running shoes… And I realize they are perfect for each other. They do their best to look like they just came from working out but who the fuck works out with product in their hair? Seriously. Their entire personas rely on the illusion of health. You, my poor misguided friend, are a stereotype of the Typical Dallas Douchbag. Yes, you might get hot pieces of silicone-stuffed ass like her but you will never learn to appreciate them (not that they will actually realize it till decades later anyway) and they will end up hating your stupid self for the same reason they are now fucking you. You are as plastic and superficial as those tits you squirt on night after night and don’t even know it. The worst part of it is you’re probably some really cool guy’s idiot son who spends his father’s money like it’s on fucking tap; on first-name basis with all the strip club valets, dating clueless debutants, making a total ass out of yourself every chance you get. I’m sure you’re dad, unless he’s a douche too, would probably kick your teeth in if he could but he’s busy fucking his secretary and needs to keep the peace with your hot MILF mom (who’s probably fucking your best friend- you’re just too dumb to figure it out) so he keeps from mutilating you with his bare hands out of guilt. And your friends and this poor misguided excuse for a young woman is only putting up with your revolting cliché ass because you happen to be everyone’s meal ticket.

That girl’s no porn star- just somebody’s dumb daughter with an inferiority complex to match your own. And what a wonderful social model for all the pre-teens sitting around staring at her…

Welcome to Dallas.

It just goes to prove, like my good friend Drew Evan Stewart wrote:

Beauty is only balls deep.

Now before you label me a conceited elitist let me say I don’t usually make a habit out of tearing people apart on first sight. But, for God’s sake, do they have to make it so easy for me?? I suppose it’s my fault, expecting the same amount of introspection and desire for truth in advertising in other people as I demand from myself. But the reality is PEOPLE JUST DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANYTHING BUT THEMSELVES. They are selfish and petty and their priorities are more on how they LOOK to other people than what THEY REALLY ARE INSIDE.

Example: What is with all the road-rage motherfuckers out there in Southern Babylon these days? Driving your monster trucks and your Escalades like they’re Honda Civics…

(you are all so fucking selfish because of your choice of vehicles and the effects they have on the environment, btw, nimrods)

…cell phones in one hand and dicks in the other… Hell, you’re the ones swerving into my lane, breaking for no reason, on the fucking phone, turning from the center lane without blinkers… I’m just the cute guy in the baby Merc who’s flipping you off… Remember me? The one you almost KILLED just now? I have every right to react against your reckless self-absorption. Yet YOU get pissed off at ME because I call you what you are, a RETARDED SELFISH FUCKSTICK??? How can you possibly expect people to respect YOU if you don't respect ANYONE??? It’s not a wonder your wives cheat on you, your kids HATE you, and why, no matter how big a truck you buy or how fast you drive that your PENIS NEVER GROWS AN INCH. You people make me realize how easy it would be to become a mass-murderer. Dexter would have nothing on me, I assure you. Ugh… And it’s not because I’m so much better than you, it’s because YOU PEOPLE ARE SO MUCH WORSE THAN I. If you ask me, you deserve everything that happens to you. So when you go surfing this year and BRUCE the shark sneaks up and takes your lower extremities in one conjugal bite, let me say now that it couldn’t happen to a nicer guy… And you, Urban Bitch Lady driving like Miss Daisey with a butt-plug in place, when your husband comes home and finds his best friend’s cock doing the Toledo Shuffle with your tonsils and blows your fucking brains as well as his dick into scarlet vapor droplets, I’ll smile in my sleep, wrapped in the woolly cotton boo-boo knowledge that all is now right with the world….

Jerk-offs...

Being a self-made sensualist is not necessarily a rite of narcissistic passage but rather a discipline and strengthening of self-awareness that leads to levels of gratification. Kind of like Buddhists striving for higher levels of awareness. And I’m not talking just sexual gratification, though sex is a huge part of my identity and is symbolic for the freedom of self-knowledge that I profess so vehemently. But it is a gratification that transcends simple pleasures of the flesh and manifests itself into pleasures of self-fulfillment, self-motivation, self-preservation, self-maturation, and ultimately self-realization.

For example, I started a daily news commentary here on Casanova Shrugged that is entitled In the News Today. I hope you guys enjoy my little stab at the Weekend Report made famous by Chevy Chase and Bill Murray on SNL. Actually, I’ve decided to start work on a Political Science degree at SMU this next year, after I finish my next writing projects. I find myself snarkily reporting on the news anyway on Twitter and thought it would be a good way to archive it all. Please feel free to start a dialogue if you have thoughts or suggestions. I did this to give a little back to the community. Not much, but, hey, it’s a start.

I have a few new opportunities that have leaped into the road this week. One is a possible purchase and ultimately the production of the current feature film script I’m in the process of writng. The other is ghostwriting a wonderful lifestyle/all-natural cookbook for a wonderful friend of mine. I am happy to be able to jump from project to project so quickly and that I can be a part of many things simultaneously. God knows I’m grateful for the work.

In our disposable society the Internet has made it so easy for this generation for people to begin a blog and call themselves 'writers'. It’s like a gorgeous pre-teen woman who thinks just because everyone and their brother wants to fuck her that that makes her a WOMAN. Honey, your daddy lied to you. You’re not a princess. You might be pretty (or loud or self-righteous or <insert condition here>) but it doesn’t mean you’re smart. OR right.

The reality is blogging is a lot like sex; not everyone can do it right but EVERYONE thinks they rock at it. The level of personal delusion is astounding… The definition of what a blog is makes it even more complex. I don’t do questionnaires. What a generic way to give you bullet points to my likes and dis-likes. Like many modern Americans I can sum up my talents in two small words: I. Spew. It just so happens to be intelligible froth...

Half of what I read out there is either swill or simply not well-written. Kudos everyone, you get an E for effort just for getting off your ass and doing something, but, again, owning a RED camera that doesn’t mean you can actually make a film. People are more interested in making people laugh and sell ad space... oh, and maybe do a little writing. What I do is not an afterthought. It is a precisely crafted extension of my free will and that is a large reason that up until now I haven’t even thought of doing any advertising. But my surrender to a commercial ideology is more of an “I can do that better than you can” reaction to seeing so many lesser ‘writers’ getting alms from their simple audiences. I’m not for everyone, but those who get it GET IT.

The freedom of the Internet has thrown us into another form of slavery. We have now become MEDIA WHORES so thirsty for acknowledgment and interaction that we will take praise from strangers half-way around the continent and make that the foundation for our identities and self-esteem. The computer is the golden child of alienation. Though we converse with others, it is a lonely and isolating procedure. Avatars and DM’s and flurries of text messages are not substitutes for our friends, they have BECOME our friends. People know us by our digital profiles only, regardless of how fictional they might be. We hide behind the thin veil of anonymity and live lives we create. I don't understand why any of you would ever want to be something you're not... But if, in your heart of hearts, you really want to be someone different why don't you just get off your asses and change your lives instead to trying to fool everyone and ultimately fooling NO ONE, least of all yourself?? We have become passionate parasites, organisms that get our strength from others, no matter how willing they are to give it. It is digital vampirism. And we have become the blood-suckers.

There is a social media service that I belong to. It’s called TWITTER. Maybe you’ve heard of it. (snark) It’s an amazing open-source application that has been taken over by small business owners and entrepreneurs in the name of self-promotion. They are the new parasites vying for our advertising clicks. I think it’s stealing, using something like this as a business tool instead of spending the money creating your own network. People are so fucking lazy. Whether it’s doing the laundry, taking responsibility for your decisions, or making your partner cum, we always want the easy way out… So we are talking the GEEKS of the geeks. And though I might be technical and a bonafide USER I am NOT a geek.

The definition of geek is:

Geek. –noun.
1 a. A person regarded as foolish, inept, or clumsy.
b. A person who is single-minded or accomplished in scientific or technical pursuits but is felt to be socially inept.
2. A carnival performer whose show consists of bizarre acts, such as biting the head off a live chicken. (source: Dictionary.com)

Now I know in the journey of sexual freedom I might be guilty of veering off the yellow brick road occasionally but NEVER has any of my preoccupations included chewing the heads off of defenseless animals and especially not for the wanton idiotic glee of others. I’d rather take down one of my own- it’s so much more sportsman-like. The most Dangerous Game... And I might act foolish occasionally but I am anything but INEPT.

Nor do I refer to people I know who value the ability to exchange a C drive more important than what next seasons fashion palate will be as geeks either. Geeks are inept mono-visionists who grandstand for their own benefit. WE are contributing members at the forefront of a higher-level functioning modern technical society. We are the ‘Modernaires’ of this century, on the forefront of fashion and art, the philosophers, the upper-echelon of a new culture that focuses on applied intellectualism. Functional technology. We are the new Emersons, the Shelleys, the Millers, the urban Whitmans, the Rands of our generation leading culture and society into the future. Or at least we COULD be if we didn’t continually set the bar so low… Not that Twitter is bad. There are SOO many worse sites that are less functional, but because Twitter is the BEST I shall use it to illustrate my point.

Anyway, this application has been embraced by self-proclaimed Internet marketing ‘gurus’ who profess to give you maximum return with the least amount of money or effort. Now I may be old-school but from where I come from that is the definition of LAZY, ENTITLEMENT, UNGRATEFULNESS, and for those of you who ever read Ayn Rand good old-fashioned SECOND-HANDER MENTALITY. On Twitter these people come across like some of the biggest bunch of ass-lickers, saying how WONDERFUL so-and-so is, how SWEET people are when in reality they are just blowing sunshine up your skirt as well. Now I know I’m an only child and have raised myself to trust in no other person greater than my intuition… (and my view of a higher power, but that, my children is for another post entirely) but what the fuck, fuckers?

Hell, most people can’t even SPELL intuition much less know its definition and know how to listen to it. It is a mechanism that is directly attached to my BULLSHIT METER and when it hears a bunch of smarmy propaganda it goes off like a 5-alarm fire. Did none of you ever read Machiavelli? Flattery is the lowest form of disrespect to anyone with any amount of self-esteem or self-worth. I don’t need a bunch of strangers I’ve never met face-to-face jacking me off and blowing sunshine up my skirt to make me feel like I'm a viable contributing member of the human race. I create ART and LITURATURE, MUSIC and FILM, I have a BRAIN that I use to THINK. I have highly skilled hands that can build furniture, play musical instruments, paint murals, sculpt, make shadow puppets and jack myself off ALL ON MY OWN. I have done more in the first half of my life than many will EVER do even in their dreams. I don’t NEED people telling me how wonderful I am. My work, like my intent, speaks for itself. And many times I don’t even put my real name on my work, THAT’S how indifferent I am to the alms of the masses. I do not spite my audience but I do not exist for them either. I exist to create for the sake of creation. And I bring more beauty and understanding to this world than many could ever hope to. I’ve had to teach myself, seek, study, practice, rehearse and FAIL TIME AND TIME AGAIN before I ever ONCE knew what it was to succeed. I know the value of hard work and loyalty. Call it a God complex all you want but if all YOU can create is other people and fool thousands of people to follow your drivel on a SMS, then do yourself a favor and don’t start any shit with me.

Anyway, back to the gurus. There are so many who considers themselves ROCKSTARS on Twitter, self-proclaimed Social Media ‘experts’ with 20,000 followers ... Do you expect me to believe that you can have a meaningful relationship with 20,000 people?? Remind me NEVER TO DATE ANY OF YOU. As far as I’m concerned you’re not an expert at ANYTHING unless it is ALL YOU DO. And the reality is the TRUE innovators are those who are MULTI-TASKING and wearing a number of hats. You have to know how to modify and integrate to be worth a flying FUCK these days. And it seems to me like soo many of these ‘experts’ have nothing better to do than spread their shit all over Twitter, follow people, and call themselves ‘brilliant’ for no real reason except that they have fooled people into giving them money simply for Twittering. Call your mother. She 'might' give a shit... but probably not.

Where do we, the inheriting generation, go from here? What does the future of the INTEGRITY of the American society go from here?? It’s up to us all to look inside and see if the road we are currently on is taking us where we want to go. And if not, are our destinations worth reaching?

The road is long and filled with stuff…

I am sooo in need of mitosis. I just want to split apart and become two different entities so I can get everything done I need to do. And I’ll give the other guy all the emo baggage shit to deal with… Yeah…

(Earth to Cordova. You’d kill him with your bare hands the first day. There can be only one.)

Heavy sigh...

So I promise to try not to be so… Cordovic. All the time. But please try to help me out too. Don’t be douches and pussies. And if you insist, then please don’t bitch about being called out. Just take it. You’re lame and selfish. Just own it. Either that or get your shit together. Because part of this country’s impending change deals with humility, respect, education, and STANDING YOUR GROUND. And I won’t react to you if you just play nice, be respectful, and keep your dick-beaters to yourself.

See ya.

♠ JC

In the News Today, Monday January 19, 2009

2009-01-19T11:25:00.006-06:00

Of course this is January 19, 2009, the eve of the inauguration of President Barack Obama. There is more coverage this year that ever. Here is a plethora of MSNBC video to whet your:
Appetite for RECONSTRUCTION…

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

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And just how high are the stakes??

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

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Inaugural festivities commence in D.C.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

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Crowds and celebrities flock to D.C.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

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…and it’s not without a bunch of celebrity bullshit…

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Did I mention even though she's barely a step up from a sorority gossiper that I would, more than likely, if the occasion presented itself, fuck Courtney Haslet?

Unfortunately I will not be attending the festivities. I hate crowds. But I will be at the bar cheering along with everyone else…

More to come...

JC

In the News Today, Friday, January 16, 2009

2009-01-16T14:57:00.022-06:00

A Boy Named Sue. Boy George Acting Curious Again…

From CNN, London – we see that former Culture Club singer Boy George was sentenced the star to 15 months on Friday at Snaresbrook Crown Court for ‘imprisoning a male escort’ a court spokeswoman said.

The jury determined BG, who's real name is George O'Dowd, 47, had chained male escort Audun Carlsen to a wall at his apartment in London's hip Shoreditch neighborhood. Carlsen had also said the singer beat him with a metal chain.

Now, maybe it says volumes about my choice of companions but I know A LOT of people who do a lot worse on a boring Sunday at THE CHURCH, Dallas' chapter of Goths and Necrophiliacs Anonymous, and have no problems. Yes, BG might be a total fucktard heroin addict but people are always trying to sue celebs for quick cash. And face it, people, all those prim British stuffed shirts HATE the thought that somebody might actually be having more fun then they are living their repressed zombie baby-machine existence.

Since leaving Culture Club in 1987 he has become a DJ and revived his singing career, releasing a single last year called "Yes We Can," inspired by Barack Obama and featuring clips of the U.S. president-elect.

And Boy is no stranger to the Poisoned Mind. In August 2006, he spent five days cleaning the streets of Manhattan as part of a community service sentence for falsely reporting a break-in at his New York City home.

He has also publicly battled drug addiction for years.

Welcome to the fucking club...

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Man Hopes to Build Operational Flying Saucers...

I'm all for the entrepreneurial spirit. Plus, I smell a government cover-up....

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

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This is the biggest piece of Bush Bullshit Propaganda I’ve ever read… today that is…

Did Bush REALLY save 10 million POSSIBLE HIV infections from coming to fruition? And should a lucky blind call to spend millions out of guilt overshadow the fact that he was the worst president in history? What’s your take on it? Read it here.

BUSH BULLSHIT

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Do Men's Penises Shrink as They Age? Plus the Upside of Slowing Down

Growing old doesn't mean you're dead: here's

Our men's health and sexuality article...

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An American in Europe...

American Amanda Knox, 21, and her former 24-year-old Italian boyfriend Raffaele Sollecito went on trial in Perugia Friday in the 2007 killing of a Knox's roommate British exchange student, Meredith Kercher, who died in what prosecutors called a "drug-fueled sex game" with the couple and a third person, Rude Guede. The trial is expected to take months. If you aske me these fuckers should all burn. I mean, yes, BDSM is fun times (though, for me, it's a lot like fisting- it's sounds like a great idea but gets old REALLY QUICKLY) but it's so easy to take things too far, especially when experimenters choose the wrong people to trust. Read the CNN story here:

Italian Sex Crime

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I know she's a bitch and could stand to gain 15 lbs. but after seeing this I have to admit...

I Would Fuck Anne Coulter.

Embedded video from CNN Video

Whether you want to admit it or not, she's on to something. And NOBODY wants to hear it. Sounds familiar. She and I are now soul-mates...

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God, I hate people. Dozens of dead cats found in trash bags.

What the fuck is wrong with people? Apparently they were all adult Siamese and were seemed to have been kept in a freezer for some time. Is this some Lovecraftian experimentation bio-trash? Cult involvement?? You decide. Read it here:

MSNBC

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A Good Idea Gone Bad: Underage Sexting equals child pornography

Ok, I know all about being an overly hormonal idiot ready to fuck everything in sight (it IS my birthday week, after all) but I swear to God they are breeding kids more and more stupid every year. More tech than brains…

And if that's not enough for your mid-day fodder then hook em over to FOXNews- I'm sure they have something ridiculous for you to read...

Have a safe and productive tomorrow...

♠ JC

In the News Today... BitterSweet Sarah

2009-01-15T15:30:00.010-06:00

Welcome to our new segment entitled In the News Today, a quick one-two punch commentary on daily local and international headlines. For our inaugural entry we first take a look at:

BITTERSWEET SARAH

I find it interesting that your favorite MILF hockey mom Sarah Palin is miffed about all those nasty journalists attacking her flag-waving, under-age parenting, separatist family members. TODAY offers a hell of a tell-tale video:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

And as an added comment...
Remember Pee Wee's Big Adventure? Well, from the Huffington Report here is...

SARAH'S BIG LIE

The Huffinton Link

And for the record, family DOES count in assessing your proficiency and ability to govern the United States of America, you dumb bitch. Kids are NOT off limits. It tells SOOOO much about what your priorities are, your methods for conflict resolution, and your perception of the world. Did you take the GOVERNOR mail-order class to get your job?? Who the fuck has over-looked your total ineptitude for years and even ALLOWED you to keep me from a good night's sleep for months worrying about Nazi Hockey Mom's sawing my bachelor balls off with a serrated knitting needle?

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PACK MENTALITY: All Together Now

This next tidbit is a fascinating piece in support of individualism vs. pack mentality. Everyone should see this... (Even though the producer/writer Elizabeth Landau reminded me more of somebody's kid sister than a professional journalist. I swear I thought she was going to say "Oh, my GOD!" any second...)

Embedded video from CNN Video

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And of course, topping the dung-heap that is our governing system, the featured story that has JUST COME IN is:

U.S. Airways jet has JUST NOW crashed into the Hudson River, New York.

Apparently it was taking off to Charlotte, North Carolina with 148 passengers and 6 crew members. It was a 'bird strike' that caused the emergency landing. The plane apparently did not break up and made a successful water landing. They now have Coast Guard and rescue ferry's on the scene. Apparently, everyone has been rescued and has been relocated to a building off of 42nd Street in Manhattan... There is no archived video as of yet since this is happening as I write these words but I will post a link as soon as possible.

Be safe and have a productive tomorrow...

♠ JC

One More Time, With Feeling...

2009-01-09T16:38:00.010-06:00

A quickie to commemorate.

On this day 43 years ago I was born at St. Paul's Hospital in Dallas, Sexless at 4:34 AM. I can only hope my poor mother forgives me for putting her through all that pain and misery... and I'm sure the actual birthing process was a bitch too...

My father came up to my office today with his wife and gave me a card the size of a VINYL LP. The cover had a stylized skull that says, "Be BAD on your birthday..." and when you open it up George Thoroughgood's "BAD TO THE BONE" starts playing...

It's amazing how well they know me...

And I've received so many nice wishes from people all over the country today... I just want to take a moment and say thank you to each and every one of you. You have made my life this year a little more complicated and immensely richer...

I have cocktails waiting so I won't draw this out, but thanks again to everyone who had a hand in making me what I am today... From Sister Joseph Marie, my first art teacher at St. Demonica Catholic Screw to my series of long-forgotten probation officers to the hot little girl who lived next door to my grandmother who used to show me her panties every chance she got... from my crazy ex's that still hate me for some reason they cooked up in their chaotic brains to my favorite bartender in Dallas who always greets me with a smile (and a hell of a rack)... from Darth Goldstein and his Media Stormtroopers to the hot jewelry designer who always smiles at me lasciviously every morning... from my gorgeous (and totally cool) production partner Melissa to my wonderfully useless rescued felines... I am eternally grateful to everyone who has every listened to, read, screamed at, flipped off, hung up on, cried over, came with, drank with, smoked with, snorted with, took my shit, shoveled it back, and let me collapse on their shoulder... Without you I would not be the pantheon of modern satire barely standing before you.

So with that in mind, thanks for the mammeries.. er, ah, MEMORIES... I love you all (some more than others) but I wouldn't be here without you.

So, here's to the future...

"One more time around the sun, my good man..."

♠ JC

A Brave New World…

2008-12-30T16:41:00.025-06:00

It’s an amazing thing but we are, yet again, on the cusp of another New Year.

2009, the Chinese year of the Ox, in all it’s new-born glory, is swooping down upon us like the Ghost of Christmas Future and we may or may not be ready for what it has to show us. It seems the more I regress into my mid-40’s Peter Pan phase the faster time just keeps marching on relentlessly forward reminding me that I though I may have missed the battle with Time the Destroyer, the war is still looming. Lovers, I’m here to tell you I’m lucky I’m not some washed-out hack derelict with 3 bratty kids, two ex-wives, a receding hairline, a hard 60 lb. gut, two mortgages, an ulcer, a lifetime of shattered dreams, and a prostate the size of a Ruby Red grapefruit… I am one of the lucky ones… and I am eternally grateful for my thankless job working at the Death Star for Darth Goldstein and all the hell I swallow and burp up in my sleep like spiritual vomit… I am happy to have a lifeline no matter how strangulating and castrating it may seem… The fact is I can still shoot a load along with the best of them and for that I’m eternally grateful…

But even a spirit such as mine will not last forever.

(Ah, the trappings of a hyper-aware and mildly paranoid mind… I sooo need to be on psycho-actives… )

But back to the New Year. Remember, the beginnings of anything are the most delicate of times…

Of course on January 20th President Elect Barack Obama will take control of this bucking bronc we call a country and try to ride it back into the stables. He will inherit staggering debt, an economy on the brink of collapse, more un-tethered domestic spying power than any other new president has had in more than 30 years, two wars, and, like all good stepfathers who inherit a fucked-up family of 300,000,000, he simply rolls up his sleeves, pulls out his credit card, and keeps on smiling. As the first black president in American history Obie is more than just a symbol of change; he is the modern poster-child for the American Dream itself. He single-handedly, simply by winning the election (by ground-breaking use of technology and marketing strategies), has given us proof that anyone could aspire to and actually find himself or herself… president! A little hokey and Hallmarky but it’s funny because it’s true…

On February 17th, 2009 all TV stations in the U.S. will cease their analog broadcasts. We are now 3 years away from the end of the universe, if you watch the Mayan calendar instead of the View to get your Armageddon Report.

Some cretin motherfucker took the opportunity of the holiday chaos to shatter my driver’s side window on my new (for me) 99 Mercedes SKL 230 Kompressor hard-top convertible the night after Christmas. Nothing was taken (he or she was probably chased away by the alarm, though I didn’t hear anything even though I was home all night.) But what the fuck is that all about?? What is wrong with our modern society that makes people always want to screw other people’s shit up, especially the night after fucking Christmas?? Fuck you, inbred bastards! I worked hard for that car and have done everything to get it up to snuff in the last couple of months and here you are, some ICE smoking, STD spreading, non-deodorant-wearing, smegma-leaking, soup-smelling derelict with nothing better to do then fuck dogs and bust my window open… Fuck you. I hope your herpes get herpes, you simian ass-polyp… I just hope the syphilis has already sterilized you so I don’t have to shoot any of your stinky artful-dodger children when they follow your ill-taught lead…

Merry. Fucking. Christmas.

It’s unsettling to me but not really shocking because of what happened to me years ago while I was working at a now-defunct restaurant chain called Tejas Café here in Dallas in the early 80's. It was, of course, a Mexican food joint; so stands to reason that most of the employees both in the front of the house as well as the back of the house were… that’s right, Mexican… You’re keeping up. So, I, being not your common Spic and Span, cute, smart, and filled with dark energy and snarky observations, drew a lot of attention to myself from some of the more ‘socially challenged’ wetbacks I happened to work with. The kitchen staff was comprised of all illiterate Hispanic men who were more interested in drinking and fucking white chicks then repairing the world opinion of single Hispanic males in Dallas, Texas.

From the beginning they tried speaking to me in Spanish and, though I look the part, alas, I am a fucked-up Americanized Latin and can’t even speak my own vernacular. Each time I apologized and told them I didn’t understand, much to the shaking of greasy heads and the familiar curses they grumbled under their collective breath. But growing up with my multi-lingual family, I could understand a lot of what was said even though I didn’t have the ability to answer back. So I had an inkling of what was up. Finally, one day the head cook Fausto looked at me as said, “Fuck you. You’re ashamed of being Mexican. You can speak it, you just don’t WANT TO…”, insinuating in his 4-grade mentality that I thought I was better than them. Now, if they had asked me outright I probably would have agreed whole-heartedly. However, I was not a dick-wad to them, ever. I just wanted to do my job, get my money, and live my life. Hell, I HAD a life. I was the lead guitarist and songwriter in my own band, was writing up a storm for a now-defunct publication, and was dating half of Dallas. My father had just given me his old Cadillac diesel Eldorado that was in excellent condition. The car was more than a little ostentatious and turned the heads of the kitchen crew not in admiration but outright spitefulness.

I remember it was Christmas Eve and we were open for a short shift before leaving for the holidays. The kitchen guys who were constantly fucking with me were actually smiling and being kind of nice…I should have suspected something was up immediately. Sure enough, when I walked out to the parking lot that night my car was gone. I called the police and had to deal with all that crap on Christmas Eve. At the time in Dallas there had been a rash of auto-thefts and the police chalked it up to just another random act of thievery. They took some strange pleasure in assuring me that my car had already been parted out and was scattered all over the city in various parts shops by the time they arrived. Gee, I felt better already…(meh…) But I knew in my heart that Fausto had had one of his shit-heeled Mexican minions come and steal it while we were all working so as to not be implicated in the incident. It's amazing how smart a Mexican can be when he wants to...

They didn’t find my car until February 3rd. It had been abandoned in a field and had not been dismembered like Dallas’ Finest believed. No, instead someone had taken huge rocks and bashed all the glass in, ripped up the seats, pissed in it, and taken a sledge hammer to the body AS WELL AS TO THE ENGINE in a grotesque display of vandalism. I knew those stupid fuckers in the kitchen did it but I had no proof except for the shit-eating grins some of them would flash me every now and then. Cocksmokers. Now I know what it’s like to hate members of your own race.

It reminds me of a joke (which you will only get if you're a Hispanic male)...

What's the difference between a straight Mexican and a gay Mexican??

...about a six-pack...

...and that, my lovers, was the birth of Cordovaism…

And of course it’s always during the holidays when people strike out at those who have more than they do. Now, I’ve been one to cathect every now and then but I have NEVER destroyed someone’s property simply because I thought they didn’t deserve to have it. That is a fucked-up sociopathic mentality shared by the unintelligent. So. Not. My. Speed.

What is up with the masses in general? Do they just sleepwalk through life hoping they don’t walk off a bridge somewhere?? It amazes me how people are so quick to identify with something for fashions sake without regard for what that action signifies in reality…

Recently a romantic horror film was released, the horrendously-lit, ridiculously-written chick-flick adaptation of the soft-core vampire series called TWILIGHT. Overlooking the fact that it is simply riding the wave of (juvenile) horror resurgence led by Blood and Chocolate, True Blood, and Underworld 3, the film is a piece of shit fluff-n-stuff made for taking in the money of unsuspecting, under-sexed, over-imaginative young pseudo-gothic females 14-35 (BELIEVE ME, I WORK IN THE INDUSTRY, I KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT… that is an actual DEMOGRAPHIC!). Now, I’m not sure if you know this or not but the writer is a practicing Mormon and has written the entire vampire-keeping-his-hunger-at-bay thing as a rolling metaphor for sexual abstinence in the books, a concept that is at the heart of the Mormon social ideology (the joke I hear from a good friend who lived in Utah for 5 years as a rock drummer is that, though nefarious about keeping their hymens intact, except for masturbating, of course, to please the boys very few of the girls are hesitant to take it up the ass in the name of the ol’ in-out, in-out before marriage… Which reminds me, I really need to visit that city someday soon…). Anyway, as in the Catholic faith, 10% of all monetary earnings go directly to the church, a thing Christians call “tithing” (I call it ‘guilt for money’). For those of you who keep up with the Bill Paxton vehicle about polygamists BIG LOVE, these country folk aren’t like the fat city Catholics- they will get their cut come hell or high water. (though, not all of them actually look like Warren Jeffries or Harry Dean Stanton… thank the Lord…) And of course the Mormons are the main socio-political body that is pushing Proposition 8 through legislature. So if you say you are in support of gay marriage and you love the ability to choose the sex of your own life-partner and the flavor of your sexual lifestyle yet you still insist on buying the TWILIGHT books and watching that stupid drivel of a movie then you, my young friend, are shitting in your own mouth. YOU CANNOT SERVE TWO MASTERS. You must take a stance or stop proclaiming that you are an individual. You are nothing more than a gutless wonder who would rather throw your hard-earned money at you enemies than stand up and refuse to play the game. You are totally and irrevocably ineffective. Live with it. Or change. It’s your decision. If you don't give a fuck about anything and just want to get your rocks off, hey, I can respect that. JUST SAY IT. But please don't pretend you are innocent. Do you need superficial stimulation that badly?? Stop masturbating and reach for something real, for fucks sake. Stand up for something, and AGAINST something for the first time in your pathetic, simpleton, materialistic lives…

Or shut the fuck up and quit telling me your something special. Because YOU ARE NOT.

Of course, the new year is the PERFECT time for self-examination and restructuring. All is not lost, my loves. You have just become mesmerized by all that glitters like so many deer entranced by on-coming headlights. Nothing to be ashamed of. Don’t feel bad about where you are, just feel bad if you stay there. And yes, standing up for your real beliefs is frightening when we’ve spent our entire lives trying to integrate ourselves into a society that wants nothing more than for all of us to be the same. Yes, wear your hair funky, some will have tats, some will be conservative, doesn’t matter … As long as you stay within the boundaries that THEY IMPOSE, all is peachy. But once you start rocking the boat… that’s when all hell breaks loose.

People treat us like we teach them to. And my friends its time to take back your lives from your loved ones. You can’t really blame them for wanting you to give them your constant undivided attention. Hell, you’ve been running to them and wiping their asses at every whimper probably all your lives. In a huge way, you don’t even know how it’s killing you. The truth is you might already be dead and just not aware of it. (shades of Sartre, though the reality is usually a lot more banal than that…) But for those who know they are not fulfilled… this is another chance for you to get your shit together and demand your independence. It takes balls to tell your husband/wife/children/boss/mistress to fuck off and quit bleeding you dry when you are the one sticking the tube in their mouths… but it’s something you must do to realize you are not a babysitter, a cum-bucket, a meal ticket, but rather A PERSON with real FEELINGS and NEEDS and DESIRES that are not being met.

And friends, if you don’t look after your own well-being no one else will give a fuck either. They look to you to see how to act. So instead of saying “I’m ok,” tell the rotten bastards to "TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR OWN LIVES AND LET YOU FIND A SPECK OF HAPPINESS SOMEWHERE FOR GOD’S SAKE BEFORE YOU BLOW YOUR FUCKING BRAINS OUT AND THEN TURN THE GUN ON THEM!"

(Well, at least it sounded good...)

Or not. Stay there and be miserable for the rest of your time on Earth. Just don’t bitch about it.

You might wonder why a post entitled Brave New World would harp on unhappiness and fear… Because it is in this exploration that we actually find the missing elements of our lives. It takes courage to stand up on your own two feet and walk away. It is the most brave thing you will ever do in your life. And also the most rewarding. Again, many read my work and think me a misanthrope. Yes, in a way I am. But what I hate in society is not society itself but what we have allowed ourselves to become. We are no longer a society of individuals. We are cattle waiting for the slaughter. And I don’t know about you, but I’m not waiting around to be ribs and chop steak. I’m packing light and hitting the yellow brick road like Jack Kerouac and looking for happiness. I know it exists. I’ve seen it in glimpses. And I refuse to live without it one moment longer.

Hope you are the same…

So for the New Year I pray that you all muster up the courage to change what you can, find the serenity to accept what you cannot, and develop the wisdom to know the fucking difference. Bless you all. Tough love, even though scathing, is love in its most pure form. And though I hate what we have allowed ourselves to become, know, in my black little heart, that I, without a doubt, love you more than you love yourselves.

Let’s change that, shall we??

See ya next year…

♠ JC

How YOU Fuck Up the Holidays... and other seasonal truths...

2008-12-24T11:37:00.010-06:00

As a companion to the joyous celebration of everything carnal that was the list of My Favorite Things, now I’m cutting to the chase, as it were.

What the FUCK is going on out in the pre-Yuletide streets these days? Now, I know I am a little dark and intense at times. Hell, I can be down-right cantankerous when the mood hits me. But even I, the Mussolini of Social Media, tries to keep hits snarky shit to a minimum during the holidays. I might be a loose cannon but at least I keep my ammo TO MYSELF and don’t purposely fuck with other peoples’ vibe. I have respect for even the rabid mongrels that populate this stretch of Southern Babylon. But lo! The fuckfaces have ZERO respect for themselves; what makes me think they should possibly be able to muster up the strength and scruples to RESPECT ME?? People walk around mumbling about how horrible the holidays are… While they are sipping eggnog frappuccinos, wearing designer jeans and Pantagonia fleece jackets, and whipping out the credit cards like they’re winning lottery tickets… What the fuck do you blockheads have to bitch about, really?? Did Sharper Image sell that vibrating dick holder out from under you??

And on top of it, you get an attitude and try to smear your holiday smegma all over me??? Step off, fuckers! I’ll deck you right in the hall and crunch those snowglobes like old candy canes… think I’m lying…

All you people who wait till the last minute to do anything for Christmas and then run around like savage wolves cutting people off, fighting for sale items, and being rude to your waiters… FUCK YOU. You are the LAST people GOD or ANY of the heavenly host will think about during this or any other holiday season. And you people wonder why you are so fucking miserable during the holidays… Hell, I KNOW why I’m in bad mood-

I HAVE TO DEAL WITH ALL YOU FUCKERS ON A DAILY BASIS! And believe me, that’s enough to piss off the Baby Jesus.

I know we all have a billion and one things to do. But seriously, do you think your shit is more important than mine??? If so, you are sadly mistaken… Mongrels...

And you, Einstein, stilling there in your vibrating Lazy Boy stuffing your face with Pizza Pockets and Pabst Blue Ribbon while you scream at the television all weekend… Do you not see the kids (that YOU decided to sire, you lame-ass motherfucker) are watching and learning from all your grotesque selfish behavior? When you suddenly realize your kids are obese fucksticks who don’t give a damn about you or anything else PLEASE don’t blame them for their behavior… You’re the one who taught it to them!

And for those of you who think God is going to answer all your selfish smarmy prayers that your stocks go up and your wife gives you a divorce and that your face-lift will heal before your cruise in February… Hit your knees and be thankful that I’m not the GOD in question. You would all be dust blowing in the wind by now… I’d be like Charleton Heston sweeping down with my locusts, frogs, gnats, and my MVP the ANGEL OF DEATH and teach you the meaning of “bad holidays”… you can keep the idiot first-born child… I want your 50-inch HDTV and your hot stripper girlfriend. I’m GOD, bitch!!

Seriously, what fucking right do you people have to be cunts and pee-holes all the time?? Why don’t you people go home and beat your kids or something? Don’t be dishing out your repressed frustration on me and other obsessive/compulsives who are just trying to get through the season unscathed… because I’m not your mother- I’ll cook it and feed it back to you through your nostrils, you selfish pricks…

DEEP BREATH…

Ok… It’s amazing how much better I feel now….

When I was a child and my father’s mother Lupe was still alive the tradition was to go to her crib after midnight mass and we’d all stay up til 4 am singing carols and opening presents while my Dad and the other grow-ups drank beer and wine and pretended to love each other… She would make tamales with my aunts on Christmas Eve and we would feast all night long. Christmas Day was always a late start but I already had most of my presents and that was all that mattered. Ah… That was probably the happiest, most care-freee time of my life, as it relates to the holiday experience. Things change so much once you become an adult... And I must say, being single and unencumbered, I really have it so much easier than most of my constituents. The simple act of daring to live my life as a bachelor has saved me from the most mundane of fates.

I went to Whole Foods On Friday to get ingredients to make my infamous HOLIDAY SANGRIA to take to my friend’s Christmas Debacle and the first thing I saw when I walked through the sliding doors was a meager man in his early thirties clutching a child of 2 who looked up at him and instantly projectile vomited right in his face and all over the floor in front of the organic mango bin.

Brother, it couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy…

Ugh. As if life isn’t hard enough, people…

Of course, the holidays are all about children. But seeing as that I have kind of alienated myself from my family after a horrible estate dispute after the death of my father’s mother, I really have no kids around me. And though you might think I hate them because of my vocal doctrine concerning the irresponsible breeding inherent in American culture, I really like children. They are smart and curious and pure, unless totally fucked-up beyond belief by their insane parents. During Christmas I find myself, like them, being charmed by the twinkling of the lights like fractured diamonds, the smell of pine, the sight of packages the colors of the rainbow… the carols sung in praise to a time that is long gone but fondly reminisced… But, alas, that is the nature of Western thinking- the good borrow, the great steal…

Unfortunately, kids rarely get the chance to BE kids today. With the media and peer pressure and sexual innuendo everywhere, it's easy to think of virginity as your first case of chicken pox- get it over as soon as possible and go on with the rest of you life... I wouldn't want to be a child in this society for ANYTHING... Poor little guys...

Kids are just like BlueTooth ear pieces: a good idea gone bad...

But with all this materialism, it's easy to forget that we are supposed to be celebrating the BIRTH OF CHRIST. Now, I know everyone is not Christian. And being Catholic I don't believe in not believing. And of course the written history of Christ is fucked up beyond believe and makes it hard to instill trust in a non-Christian. But seriously, it's not any worse than the Bush Administration and look how easily you fell for THAT ONE!

The true date of the birth of Christ has long been debated:

http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/108038

“…If observed at all, the celebration of Christ's birth was usually lumped in with Epiphany (January 6), one of the church's earliest established feasts. Some church leaders even opposed the idea of a birth celebration. Origen (c.185-c.254) preached that it would be wrong to honor Christ in the same way Pharaoh and Herod were honored. Birthdays were for pagan gods.

Clement of Alexandria (c.150-c.215) favored May 20 but noted that others had argued for April 18, April 19, and May 28. Hippolytus (c.170-c.236) championed January 2. November 17, November 20, and March 25 all had backers as well. A Latin treatise written around 243 pegged March 21, because that was believed to be the date on which God created the sun. Polycarp (c.69-c.155) had followed the same line of reasoning to conclude that Christ's birth and baptism most likely occurred on Wednesday, because the sun was created on the fourth day.

The eventual choice of December 25, made perhaps as early as 273, reflects a convergence of Origen's concern about pagan gods and the church's identification of God's son with the celestial sun. December 25 already hosted two other related festivals: natalis solis invicti (the Roman "birth of the unconquered sun"), and the birthday of Mithras, the Iranian "Sun of Righteousness" whose worship was popular with Roman soldiers. The winter solstice, another celebration of the sun, fell just a few days earlier. Seeing that pagans were already exalting deities with some parallels to the true deity, church leaders decided to commandeer the date and introduce a new festival…”

Imagine if we were celebrating Christmas in April... So. Not. Fun. But then again, we wouldn’t know any difference so again PERCEPTION IS REALITY.

So on this holiday season don’t be a dirt-bag. BE NICE, for fucks sake. You never know when a piano is going to come crashing down on your head… Don’t make everyone hate you. Believe me, once there it takes years to change it…

Ok, now I’m off to do my last-minute shopping… And if one of you allows your kid to throw up in front of me again, I swear I think I’m going to lose it…

Merry Fucking Christmas!!

♠ JC

These Are A Few of My Favorite Things...

2008-12-22T16:33:00.009-06:00

Come gather around the fire...

It’s that time again, my lovelies, for warm apple strudel, bright paper packages, and whiskers on kittens… (though, personally every day is a day for whiskers on kittens for me.) Time to put on that obscure version of Little Drummer Boy with David Bowie and Bing Crosby and fantasize about all being right with the world. And though I whole-heartedly believe Christmas is the number one most misinterpreted and abused holiday in Western civilization, I have a very soft spot in my black little heart for many wonderful things that just scream HOLIDAYS! (Hey, I’m an American- stuff is a precious element of my identity!) So with that in mind, a little ‘kind bud' in the holiday Santa pipe, a hot buttered rum in one hand and my thick warm Yule log in the other, let us explore some of:

Johnny Cordova’s favorite things…

-Walking on the beach during the winter.

-The smell of a roaring fireplace in the cold dead of night…

-The latest My Morning Jacket release.

-Snakebites. Which are 60% Pear cider and 40% lager. The best thing I learned about in London… that I can write about here...

-Little baby kittens… what could be cuter than that??

-Oysters Rockefeller at Salty’s in Seattle.

-My MacBook Pro. God, how did I ever live without you??

-Wood Nymphs. The thought of tiny naked women flying around causing mischief gets me wet. Very wet.

-The White Witch. The intoxicating legend of the evil enemy of Christmas. (in the inner-city the vernacular turns this into The Ice Princess or variations like the Ice Queen, Jewish American Princess, or simply The Princess)

-GGG. I like my girls clean and my porn dirty.

-Les Paul guitars. The quintessential rock instrument.

-Rockstar parking at Starbucks.

-The holiday nomenclature, as ridiculous as it may be. What is Yuletide anyway?? Remember, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen could very well be the names of the strippers accompanying you to the company Christmas party… (especially if you work at the DeathStar like I do…)

-Cold pizza and warm beer. No, wait, that’s the breakfast of champions… nevermind…

-Anal sex. Definitely anal sex.

-A great hockey game. With LOTS of alcohol. So much more fun than basketball…

-Women with pale white skin, green eyes, and red hair…

-The Porsche 928S. My OTHER dream car. The quintessential rock and roll auto. Axle Rose had one in during the Guns and Roses heyday. In 1983 the 928S with 5-speed manual transmission and 4.7L-16v M28/19 engine was the fastest car sold in North America, at 146 mph. It was the fastest production road-car in the world in 1986, having been recorded at 172 mph (277 km/h) on the salt flats in Utah using an early 928 S4. LOVE IT.

-My two adorably manic rescued kittens, Heidi and Cricket.

-Austin, Tx. What a great city. If I could only make a living there…

-Oral sex (on females). Giving probably more than receiving, if that’s even possible…

-Cold hands... yum…

-Vodka. But I’m cutting down on the frou-frou stuff so I’m drinking it straight lately…

-Smart women who don’t talk just to hear the sound of their own voices. (the same for smart-ass men… present company excluded...)

-The seats at the Angelika, but the popcorn at the Magnolia.

-Real blondes.

-Real Christmas trees. Love that pine smell…

-Kissing. In all its forms and glories…

-My inherent freedom that I’ve fought so incredibly hard to keep.

-Modern design, especially in architecture and furnishings…

-Suicide Girls.

-Good top-shelf margaritas. I prefer frozen in the summer, rocks in the winter.

-My special holiday SANGRIA that got everyone fucked up this weekend at Paul’s party. All those years of bartending finally paid off…

-Real NY Style Pizza. Pizza is like sex- even if it’s bad, hey, it’s still pizza… (though, it’s a lot easier getting over bad pizza than bad sex… just sayin…)

-My father. He’s been a constant state of support/amazement/inspiration/ for me.

-Creating things with my bare hands and knowing that I took a concept from inception to completion. There is no greater feeling in the world… except maybe being a parent (or so I am told…)

-Menudo. Not the boy-band, the traditional Mexican dish made with cow intestines and homony… Great hang-over cure… just sayin…

-Getting really high and going to Northpark Mall to watch all the trogs run around like little consumer idiots the week before Christmas…hehehe… miscreants..

-My 1999 Mercedes SKL 230 Hardtop convertible. Sex on 4 wheels… My First Automobile Love. Soooooo cute…

-Platform beds. (but not with the Memory Foam mattresses- sooo NOT good for sex…)

-A good lasagna.

-Final Cut Studio 2. I hear 3 is on it’s way and they’ve done away with Motion and have a new program that is a cross between it and Shake, their early Oughts compositing program. It should fucking rock!

-Houses all lit up for Christmas but with no lines of traffic of SUVs filled with screaming children. (Where’s the GROWNUP CHRISTMAS???? oh, yeah. In my pants...)

-Sarah Palin. Girl, you know it's true. Ah, yes, the woman I love to hate, my evil arch-nemisis in all her PTA, NRA, BFS glory… I loved calling you what you are (BREEDER!), watching you stiletto out on the stage, your hot MILF-ass shakin it like Ronny Spector on Ecstasy, earnestly believing the escapist dribble that flowed between those hot Hooker Red lips like narcotic breast milk… If you weren’t such a piece of work I’d fall in love with you… (Thank the Lord, I have nothing to worry about…)

-Mac and cheese. If you can find it with lobster, you have died and gone to Fuck Heaven.

-Social Media. Without which, I might not exist. Hmmm… if a digital tree falls in a blue-screen forest will anyone hear anything?? (Ouch, now my brain hurts…)

-This particular Christmas carol, the Christmas Song.
The Christmas Song

-WELL-BEHAVED CHILDREN WHO HAVE MANNERS. Which there aren’t many of in Dallas… especially during the holidays…

-Everything Mac but not necessarily everything Apple…

-Being scared. What kind of fucked up world is it where you actually get a rise out of being petrified?? I’m such a statistic….

And last but not in the least least… (??) The wonderful friends I’ve met on-line this year who have made my life a better place to live. @JustJen, @NanaLisa, @Robyn, @vromm, @roadhacker, @dirty_snowflake, @lilyholiday, @missriss, @lance, @julie, @cherrysmith, @naughtyhaughty, @Shimmergeek, and so many others… Thanks for being the wonderful people you are…

I hope you all have a MERRY MERRY and a HAPPY HAPPY. This next year should rock, yall. Keep positive and make some things happen…

Blessings to you all,

♠ JC

...A Thought for Human Rights Day...

2008-12-10T16:55:00.011-06:00

There has been a call to arms for national HUMAN RIGHTS DAY. A call to bloggers everywhere to post something on this topic. Though I don't necessarily consider myself a 'blogger' it does happen to be the medium of choice... so here I am.

First of all, I think media-driven celebratory things like this are very much like the American holiday mentality. Why take one day out of the year to celebrate something that we should be supporting vehemently every minute of our American lives? It seems to me to be a mis-placed value, an afterthought that we have the freedom to live, work, fuck, worship, watch, listen to, and ignore anything anywhere we fucking want (with a nominal amount of censorship). We should be cherishing every little thing we can retain because our rights are being taken from us, slowly but surely.

Over the last eight years we have been coerced by the government as well as the media to give up our inherent human rights in exchange for the illusion of safety. With NYC police being indicted on sodomy charges, the debacle at the Republican National Party, the horrors of the Hudson family murders, I’d venture to say I feel about as safe as a cat in the middle of a 6-lane interstate at rush-hour.

And when we say ‘human rights’ we are not just talking about the rights of families and the protection of children. Fuck them. That has nothing to do with MY reality. What about the fact that I, as a conscientious intelligent SINGLE taxpayer WITH NO CHILDREN, pay roughly 20% more taxes that an family of 4 who consume easily 5 times the amount of natural resources that I do. And that the IRS, through a gross misinterpretation of the constitution that clearly states that income tax is a VOLUNTARY contribution, is insisting that I owe taxes plus penalties for $4,000 worth of income I never even received in 2002… Yeah, I have complete unshakable faith in this country and it’s infrastructure… Not.

What are human rights? A simple definition is: The basic rights and freedoms to which all humans are entitled, often held to include the right to life and liberty, freedom of thought and expression, and equality before the law. Human rights refers to the "basic rights and freedoms to which all humans are entitled."[1] Examples of rights and freedoms which are often thought of as human rights include civil and political rights, such as the right to life and liberty, freedom of expression, and equality before the law; and social, cultural and economic rights, including the right to participate in culture, the right to food, the right to work, and the right to education. (notice the lack of "the right to procreate"- JC)

“ All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.”
—Article 1 of the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR)[2]

It seems that in this day of extended parentship, single-parent fatherless families and overstated moral obligations to proliferate as dominant organisms more and more human rights are protected for those who are being protected and not so much for the people who are doing the protecting. It is true that the more you have, the more you have to lose. So those in power use wealth as the buffer in a system that is anything but fair for all.

And in a society that glorifies the trainwrecks of humanity in celebrity tabloids and reality television where do we find a base on which to measure the quality of modern life and liberty? Just because you have the freedom to do whatever you want is not necessarily a good reason to do just that. And with morality being kept out of learning institutions more and more the burden of instilling discernment in children falls directly on the shoulders of the parents. But who is teaching them??

We must seek out education. We must teach ourselves how not to be manipulated by our own system. And that calls for ridged self-examination. In our society our rights are no longer ours in anything but theory. We must demand that our rights be given back to us by demonstrating that we DESERVE THEM. And that, my friends, is a frightening situation, having to be personally responsible for our own decisions.

The chaste system proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that all men are NOT created equal. And intelligence is not something sought out nor valued by everyone. How can we create a desire in citizens to strive for knowledge instead of hand-outs? It is an inherent philosophical tenant that transcends religion, education, and social programming.

Human Rights. A birthright? Not so much. But they are something that we as free-thinking men and women deserve. And it is up to us to figure out a way to get them back…

♠ JC

And Now For Something Completely Different…

2008-12-02T14:41:00.009-06:00

Yes, we are about to wrap up 2008 in the next few weeks. Where the hell did this year go? I mean, so much happened but it seems it’s always the last third of the year when the rollercoaster feels like it’s really moving. Suddenly, here we are speeding towards another fucking year with its own horrid set of obstacles and characters and fears and triumphs and failures… Christ, just thinking about it makes me nauseous…

The biggest thing in 2008, of course, was the Election. Still, I was amazed by the number of simians I witnessed saying how much they hate politics during the entire process. Yes, responsibility is exhausting, kids. It’s horrible that we have to discern; think and form opinions, hopefully our own, and actually have to muster up the strength to do something about it: vote. But those are probably the same people who love rolling around in their own filth, cheating insurance agencies, and fucking their best-friend’s wives but constantly wonder why the world is so filled with hate and misunderstanding… Morons. But now that the gauntlet has been run and the best man has been left standing, we can all get back to living our lives and trying to walk the walk. God knows there’s a new sheriff in town and that will have to unfold all on its own…

The truth is: all this politics is like reality itself- an intrinsic element of life but ultimately boring. Ugh. Doctors report that even katydids dream and therefore have an escape from even their short-sighted life experience.

So let’s talk something different.

-Like how the Dallas Cowboys is the lamest excuse for a multi-billion dollar franchise…
-Or how Brad Pitt is probably hating himself for marrying that baby machine… Ugh. I don't care how hot she is, she's fucking insane... (It’s amazing what guilt will do for a woman… )
-Or how Britney Spears could have the Lady of Fatima appear and speak on her behalf and it still wouldn’t change her status as white trash…
-Or how horrible the tragedy of the Hudson family murders were. And of course it was an ex-spouse. Does this make anyone think twice about getting married and to whom?
-Or how the sharp fall in gas prices has SOLIDIFIED my opinion that over the past 3.5 years the oil industry has been FUCKING US RAW under the Bush administration. And still there is no social outrage… (Opps, there I go with politics again…)

One good thing that happened to yours truly this year is I started traveling in earnest again. I so love exploring different cities and discovering the soul of a locale. I just treated myself to my first visit to Seattle, Washington a few weeks back. I love the fucking vibe of that city: bohemian executive at it’s best. And everyone seems to be pretty fucking cool. Downtown was an amalgam of historic landmarks and modern monoliths. Gazing out at the bay I transcended my own snarkiness and wanted nothing more than to become a part of the energy of that city.

Could I integrate myself into the ebb and flow of another city and create an identity there to rival that of what I have in Dallas? I could probably do a hell of a lot more damage here but we all know that the hometown prophet is anathema to his own people. It might not be such a hard sell in another city. Hell, if I had half the connections in New York or Seattle that I do in Dallas I’d be rich and famous by now. It’s amazing how little people want to help you when they’ve known you all your life. For me it’s the complete opposite; if someone has a history of being creative and dependable I would go out of my way to help them in a second. But again, all men are not created equal….

This last year has seen many things come to fruition in my life, or at least to seed. My rebirth of Casanova Shrugged has attracted the attentions of a few people who share the vision and wish to represent me as a writing talent. It’s both comforting and frustrating, kind of like never being able to get a gorgeous woman in high school but now that I’m in my 40’s they’re everywhere and I’m like “Where the fuck were you back then?” But, like that same scenario, better late than never, eh? This I add to a schedule somewhere behind the feature film script I’m 60% through with (I want a first-draft of completed by Christmas. Ugh.) and a novel I have promised my current lover to pick back up and attempt the long process of completion in her name. And a possible spec script in 2009 for a sit-com I’m partnering with a friend in Florida to write... Yeah, lots of pots on the stove. But isn’t that the way it should be?

Let’s see, what else…

We just had Thanksgiving. Thank the Lord mine was relatively quick and painless. However, I find it funny that so many people make such a deal of something that we should be doing every day- being thankful for the people and things that enrich and populate our lives. Personally, I find it blatantly insulting to my intelligence to watch so many people glorify their own bastard sense of humanity by making asses of themselves in a ‘religiously formalistic’ seizure of good will acted out for all the world to see. As if it makes up for all the months of in-action they show all year long… Attention Fucksticks: a lack of planning on your part doesn’t not constitute an emergency on my part. (For those not versed in metaphoric banter that means: you’re a fucking hypocrite- no body cares. Shut the fuck up.)

Coming up next is the greatest national slur of a religious holiday- Christmas. I will have a little Yuletide jewel for you all in a few weeks, but for the most part I will be going dark for the remainder of the year. But even though I will be in hibernation please feel free to contact me anytime with your comments or questions if you have any. I sincerely appreciate all your responses thus far and promise to continue to bring you the essence of Casanova Shrugged for many moons to come. So until our next go-round take care of yourselves, take care of your shit, and take care of your hearts. Because if you don’t, no one else will…

♠ JC

The Cordova Plan

2008-11-16T16:27:00.006-06:00

(Most of this post was written the week before the presidential election. My last few entries were challenged and a solution was requested by a faithful reader. I am not a politician nor have I a political science degree so most of this post is speculative.)

We need real political conventions, not these product-placement-driven pep-rallies and slander-fests…

The last administration has been filled with incompetence. Personally, I don’t hate George Bush. He seems like a nice guy. I dated a woman for a short time who’s family knew him socially. Needless to say, we never talked about him much... He stood up and responded accordingly to the terrorist threat, at least to the best of his narrow-minded abilities. However, his competency has never been questioned. Why? His atrocious handling of the Katrina disaster, the gung-ho mentality that threw us into a horribly-run war in Iraq… What an irresponsible action, to go into a country forcibly and search for WMDs. If they actually HAD WMDs we would have enticed a direct attack on US soil. Didn’t anyone think of that? Apparently not. How lucky we are you were wrong, Little Bush. The lies and deception… Yet we chose not to pursue impeachment… But we canned Clinton… What a fucking joke.

Bush is not a bad guy. He just didn’t have a strong enough of a personality to stand up to his advisors… namely Cheney. And he was led into some shitty decisions that, unfortunately for him, will be his legacy. And unfortunately for us, could have easily enslaved us forever.

The question has been posed to me. What would one nation under CORDOVA look like? And I’m here to answer this question to the best of my ability.

Desperate times call for desperate measures… therefore I say in the name of expediency we would go on a 10-year plan of social reform that would include much of the healthcare plans and the taxation plans proposed by Obama. The truth is we cannot fund change without cracking some eggs. And if the American public think it’s possible to fund a revitalization of the country without taxation, I say you all are selfish moronic fools who should have taken finances courses instead of 3 years of ceramics for electives. Pulling out of the war would free up BILLIONS a month, even after putting in place a memorial fund to the fallen soldiers who were thrown to the lions. To that I would add my own brand of Cordovaism.

-Put a limit on children born to new families. 2 children per new household. If you choose to have more children you are taxed for each additional child. For each child born over the limit the penalty goes up exponentially. This money goes directly to the appropriate agencies to pay for the costs of running the program.

-give major tax breaks for life for all adults over 40 who have voluntary hysterectomies or vasectomies.

-Nationalize the record-breaking profits of the petroleum companies who are making a killing during an energy crisis. Take 95% of the revenues over the gross average culled from the past 5 years (starting 3 years ago, to not include the outrageous profits during the energy crisis) and put it directly towards developing reusable energy programs.

-put a high tax on all SUV’s and RV's. If you own one your insurance is higher and the funds go directly into alternative fuel production. Alternately give tax breaks for owning small cars and hybrids.

-release all bans on pre-fabricated housing within city limits and give tax breaks to green builders, allowing grey water systems and solar heating nationwide (they are currently outlawed in Texas) and incentives for builders of mass housing incorporating green technology.

-Close the American borders to all immigrant traffic. Let no new nationals enter the US nor apply for citizenship for 10 years. Do not deport but tax illegal immigrants already here an extra 5% and have those funds go to running the Boarder Enforcement agency for the first 5 years of the Plan. After that, all illegal immigrant families are granted full citizenship but must strictly adhere to reproductive limitations expected of all Americans.

-New families must apply for parentship licenses. The couple must pass a series of tests and studies to prove a base level of proficiency to give birth and raise a child. Those who do not pass will be given another chance in 6 months. If the couple procreates without a license they will be taxed accordingly directly from the employer. These funds will go to parentship education.

-Force all drivers to take driving tests for every license renewal. And if they can’t pass demand anther full fee for another test. (Hell, we’d make BILLIONS annually off this one fee alone AND keep shitty drivers off the streets) And raise the penalties for driving without insurance and infringement-related offenses.

-impose a ceiling on welfare. Discourage mis-use by penalizing people who take disregard the new procreation laws and take funding away for families of 4 or more who consistently infringe. This is not against the Constitution, this is an enforceable system that will call for all families to be held accountable for their own decisions.

-complete consentual support and endorsement of sex education starting in elementary school.

-nationally regulate the Federal Reserve and make them publicly accountable for their actions.

-raise the pay for educators and get the American average for testing scores up to an gobal level.

-Give special financial assistance to science and math majors and give the upper percentile direct exposure to the top infrastructure jobs in America.

-in urban centers have a renewal of cleanliness and hire the homeless to beautify the city’s public centers, lakes, and roadways that are not being tended to by prison inmates.

- Instill a committee to keep church and state separated

Ok, I think it’s evident that I’m not a politician or a law-maker. But the reforms I would make would be standard stuff. Many were concerned I’d make a call to arms. The fact that I think we could have used a good civil war in the past 5 years does not mean I would create one if I had the chance. Unfortunately, I believe the war would begin once the reforms started and good things were happening in the country, much like the true original rebels in Star Wars (Episode 1-3) were fighting to instill the Galactic Empire, not free themselves from it. Our enemies are strong and bold and in their own minds have God on their side, very much like Al Qaeda. They believe they have special dispensation to instill their will on the country, and that makes them dangerous to everyone.

We are finding out that, no, America does NOT run the world. Obie will not solve the country’s problems in a single term for a myriad of reasons. Because it’s not just America that need fixing. It’s a global economy, the debt we owe to other countries and how it is handled, that is what will define the American economy. And his enemies will site HIM as the reason, but anyone with any insight will know that it is an algebraic equation that we are only a single variable in.

In the case of this detestable campaign I believe we should learn a lesson: Disagree but don’t disrespect. Making fun of Sarah Palin on SNL is one thing, but, yes, slamming her was not a smart thing to do during the election. We appear to be elitist when we criticize her obvious fundamentalist, short-sighted and simpleton mentality. It is not an issue of one side being SUPERIOR to the other but rather a shift in base priorities. She’s a Christian Fundamentalist. And there are so many people from the same background who support her. Revealing her for the media whore she is doesn’t enlighten her supporter, it causes resentment. Voters have to attach doubts to their vote if it’s money at the heart of an issue, but they don’t have to attach doubts if someone is making fun of them. It becomes personal. And because of what our country’s media has fed us for DECADES, we let our pride get in the way of our intellect and we vote with our HEARTS instead of our MINDS. But our hearts are tainted. As well as our minds. Talking about impartiality and bi-partisanism is one thing and putting those concepts into everyday play in out lives is quite another.

This election shouldn’t have ever been close, but we made fun of those candidates (however deserving it may have been) and the people they represent- and easily could have caused a backlash that could given them the race. I thank God and all that is holy under His auspices that that DIDN’T happen…

The McCain/Palin ticket was the worst run campaign in history, which was interesting to watch in a political sense. The people interviewed at Mac’s camp can’t even pronounce Muslim… it doesn’t do much for their credibility. And the footage of hate-mongering slogans shouted out against Obama at the Palin rally were never addressed and denounced by her, even after she was informed of the severity of their content. But in a big sense the Republican party is simply preaching to the choir. Either you’re with them or against them; within this new millennium identity of the GOP there is no middle ground for converts to occupy or ponder. They have chosen to polarize themselves from the rest of the political world like an elitist club who can’t imagine why anyone would ever argue with their beliefs or want anything more than what they offer. And again perception becomes reality because they are in actuality engaging in the same level of prejudice that they accuse the Obama camp of perpetuating. I know what you are, but what am I?

This election has polarized the nation. I myself have redefined many relationships with certain people because of their political view, something I have personally never done in my life. I will choose to exclude many from my personal life from now on, realizing I want nothing to do with those who have complete disregard for me as a tax-paying thinking contributing member of society simply because I’m not married and am without children. And again, on another level, it has become war.

There is no way either candidate could possibly fix the problems we face as a country and a SOCIETY in a single term. In the end, breeders wanted Mickie C and single, self-made people wanted Obie. And the two parties are NATURAL ENEMIES. Personally, I look at the long-term ramifications of the election. I am single and know I will pay a higher tax bracket because this country’s template is built to be prejudice against adult singles. I want America to be SMARTER, more intelligent. I want children to get an EDUCATION more that street knowledge and sexy television shows. Education is the key to everything. Not military might. Look what happened to Germany... they were the greatest military strength in the world and though it took the rest of the world's forces combined, they fell. Hard. And for good reason. Do you honestly believe all of the propaganda of our humanitarian efforts? It all depends if you blindly believe that America still exists as a political and economic concept or if you perceive that we are being fed only the information we need to keep us satiated while the aristocracy (i.e. politicians/pharmaceutical companies/oil industry) rape us blind. But if we have enough children and debt we will not rock the boat because we have precious things to lose. People are polarized because of their lifestyle. This was no easy election. And either way it could have herald the beginning of the end of our 'Roman Empire'...

So many things are shrugged off as paranoia, conspiracy theories… Personally, I believe all that psychological terminology was created just to discredit people who genuinely have knowledge the rest of us don’t. Reverse psychology to discredit the opposition. Standard textbook propaganda 101…

And in response to many of the Republican views after losing the election: Please don't infer that 'liberals' are not intelligent enough to see that the media controls the thought processes for the entire country. It is a lack of morals and sex education in school that keep the youth ignorant of their own bodies and urges. Just because parents want to pretend sex doesn't exist at that age does not mean it doesn't. This huge rift in education is an all-out form of suffragette on a non-gender-specific level. The truth is the atmosphere in America CONDONES single-parent families and even ENCOURAGES the practice, seemingly. With modern psychology we have eradicated personal responsibility and given everyone in America a false sense of ENTITLEMENT to live, work, speak, and procreate at will. Therefore, young depressed, uneducated and misunderstood females caught in the headlights of modern media expectations are looking to have CHILDREN to give their seemingly empty and meaningless lives purpose. These same people bring their children up in the same atmosphere they did, devoid of any education of sex and emotional maturity and dare to wonder why their children become parents as teens. Don't point fingers at the artists and business people who create film and television- we are sharks and that is their point of our existence: to devour you all. No, point fingers instead at the parents who refuse to tell their children IT’S ONLY A MOVIE and reinforce that real life should not be lived like an HBO film. TAKING PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY. Nurture curiosity in your children so they discover that there is an ALTERNATIVE to mindless selfish procreation.... Think of it as defensive driving for your genitalia.

And for the record, in a truly FREE America we would be able to have a comfirmed Muslim run successfully for President. But with the inherent prejudices in ‘heartland’ American thinking (i.e. WHITE PEOPLE-thinking) it will never happen. Just like there’s no way in Hell an atheist would ever be elected. Land of the free... yeah, whatever…

We have to watch Dogma and its terrible influence on logic and reasoning. The fact that I was raised Roman Catholic and have issues with the prevalent “Stepford” quality of the society and their archaic stance on marriage and abortion… that I have spent my life trying to resolve. We are a society that has the ability to take control of our lives and our thoughts for the first time in the history of the Human Race. Why would we possibly choose to keep ourselves in the Dark Ages? What good could possibly come out of denying our intellectual right to EVOLVE, spit in the face of knowledge, and choose to live like animals, bound by our superstitions and empty religious beliefs? Religion is for the LEARNED man. Unfortunately, it was found to be a tool to enslave the weak-minded since the beginning of it’s conception. Remember, RELIGION IS MAN’S CREATION. Spirituality is something completely different. What God would want to keep His greatest creation in the dark? Yes, supposedly Adam and Eve were punished for desiring KNOWLEDGE but I believe it was only because God knew THEY WERE NOT EVOLVED ENOUGH TO HANDLE IT. How many of us stumble through our lives perpetuating ignorance for our own gain, manipulating our loved ones to get what we want? I know I am guilty of that. But at least I never tried to subvert the entire WHOLE OF SOCIETY.

This will be the last political post from Johnny Cordova for a while. I have received some amazing and supportive feedback but just as much opposition. I don’t have the heart to beat the truth into you. That’s for your parents, your church, your wife, your husband, your brattish children and ultimately the State to do. No, I refuse to be another voice in the cacophony clamoring for your attention. Either you are open or you are not. And in many ways I am not here to convert. I will not waste my precious life trying to convince you of something you already know in your heart. Either that or I refuse to fight the decades of shit your brain has consumed to make you the shell of a human being you might be. Am I an elitist?

Most. Definitiely.

And I’m so fucking proud of it I couldn’t even begin to tell you. At least I can wake up in the morning and look at myself in the mirror and know I’m REAL. I may not be perfect but I’m LISTENING and I’m AWARE. I may be a lot of things but so help me God I am NOT STUPID. And if you care to join me we will embark on a wondrous journey called LIFE. If not, you are on your own. Good luck because God knows YOU WILL NEED IT.

I raise my glass to a new administration that I have SO much faith in. More faith than I could ever have in the people who have been leading us for the better part of a decade. Again, I love my country enough to want to see it fail and rebuild itself. We have already reached the bottom. Here’s to a glorious opportunity to stand behind the real tenants writtin in the original constitution, for the American people to evolve into higher organisms, and for people to finally take responsibility for their own lives. The future is clouded but we know that beyond the clouds lies a world of possibilities we’ve only dreamt of…

Are you ready?

♠ JC

Thank You...

2008-11-05T10:28:00.006-06:00

I am so incredibly proud of my country for having the courage to stand up against the face of oppression and take control of its own FUTURE. We are blessed to live in a modern age where people refuse to live by the archaic methodology that has been so pervasive for the past 50 years. With our new President we usher in a new identity for Americans world-wide. No longer will we be perceived as heartless money-hungry opportunists and spoiled co-eds...

The road is long and winding and like Obama stated in his acceptance speech it will take longer than a single term to right the problems we have allowed this last administration to create over the past 8 years. But for perhaps the first time since the Regan era we have evaded the manipulation of the aristocracy and have stood up for true equality, true pride not in the wealth and prosperity of our country but in the wealth and integrity of the hearts and souls of its PEOPLE. People who refuse to believe the lie any longer. There is a better way of life. And we have made the decision to cast off our fears and embrace the unknown like our forefathers did when they were first creating this country from a ferrel and malevolent wilderness. Yes, there are unseen dangers ahead; yes, our victory will only coterize our enemies against us further and create bitterness and hatred in hearts already blackened in negative selfishness, greed, and gross malignant prejudice. But we are no longer alone. We have a champion who has risen above the cocophony of modern politics to instill a new integrity into the bloodstream of our nation. This transfusion is the salvation of the true American identity, one of compassion, acceptance, understanding, and intelligent volitional existence. We will no longer simply take up space and time, we will have a purpose for living beyond our individual concerns.

I urge you all to search your hearts and regardless of who you cast your vote for please cast off all negativity and embrace the chance we have to make this country great again. Not for just a few, but for us all.

We have seen the light in the darkness. And we have turned towards it...

♠ JC

Anathema

2008-11-03T19:22:00.004-06:00

Republican swine. Vermin. How dare you take political advantage of a DEATH to advance your own psychotic asses?

The Washington Post

You will rot in Hell. Or better yet, rot right here on Earth; this world of YOUR making will be your Hell... You all remember this when you're families start turning on you, leaving you in homes somewhere in your old-age to petrify like the frightened mean-spirited group of lemmings you are. Anything to win... I have read Ayn Rand. And your beliefs are not what she envisioned for the country. You have taken concepts and distorted them to fit your own doctrines.

There are spiritual EYES that you cannot hide from. Your GOD is not amused. You people make me embarrassed to be human...

♠ JC

No Apologies...

2008-10-30T11:16:00.007-05:00

I have received some criticism for my last blog entry. It seems a few of you think that it is beneath me to use harsh language and graphic scenes of violence in my prose. One even said I appear infantile by my guttersnipe vocabulary and story-telling.

I have to say this:

I do not write for others necessarily. I write because I have something in my heart that I feel HAS to get out. It may not be politically correct, it may not be nice, it may not be fit for children, animals, and expectant mothers, but make no mistake: IT IS THE TRUTH. At least as seen through my eyes. And the truth is I have nothing to hide. I have no sexual taste, no latent aggression, no prejudice or psychotic bent that I would not openly share. Because I believe in FREEDOM. Not violence, but FREEDOM to express frustration, to hypothesize, to predict, and ultimately to say what’s on my mind. Politicians LIE through their teeth, cheat, steal, slander, and imply sooo much OPENLY but there is no OUTRAGE towards them. I speak only the truth. I do not threaten anyone, I do not throw false accusations or belittle because of my personal views. I just call them as I see them.

And nobody has EVER liked the Referee…

I have even had an associate who is trying to brand me comment that it took her back and for a moment she was frightened that I might be some kind of a nut-job. I assure you, all of you, that I am NOT. I am simply an animal. Like we all are, in opposed to the Disney Belief System that we lived in harmony with the dinosaurs and materialized here as thinking, God-fearing people of Christ. No, children. The beginnings were ugly. And though I have educated myself and have risen above the animal traits in many ways I have kept the animal aggression. I BITE. I also roll over, beg, speak… I’m not good at fetching so don’t ask.

The truth is: You don’t need me. And for all intents and purposes, I don’t need you, either. We CHOOSE to be together here on these pages. We CHOOSE to read, listen, ponder… We are not cattle waiting for the next morsel, the next salt-lick, the next slaughter to define what our lives are all about. No, we are thinking individuals. And you are here for a reason. I’m not your mother, I’m not your priest or Rabbi or Congressman (though if I were, there would be some shit going down, I promise you…), I’m not your significant other or your stylist… I’m more like the lover you run to on the side. I am the voice of REASON that you sneak around and fantasize about. Even when you are lying naked next to your partner glistening from your love-making you still can’t get me out of your mind. That is how strong TRUTH is.

I will not apologize for being who I am. If I gave in and changed my trajectory for the simple reason of pulling in the masses I would be a LIAR, a BLASPHEMER, and would be doing you, my readership, the horrible injustice of screwing you blind. You might love me for it and it might make me rich, but it would be completely empty and false.

So for those who would like a more watered-down version of Cordova, you’re shit out of luck. For those who can see beyond my snarkiness and see the truth in my rantings and even are entertained by them, welcome home. I will do everything in my power not to disappoint or fragment under the auspices of… who? God? I think He gets a kick out of it. If not, I think He would let me know. I am accountable to NOBODY ELSE.

So if you dig it, dig it. If not, then take yet another wonderful data stream out of your life, replace my RSS with another porn site, and be done with it.

But know this, my loves:

I’m not going anywhere…

♠ JC

Now a Word From Our Sponsor...

2008-10-28T12:00:00.017-05:00

Up until now I have not dedicated a post specifically to the political turmoil our country is in. I have held my tongue and have spoken instead of personal politics, that which influences ALL DECISIONS, the power of the SELF. As the old commercial for a now-defunct clothing wholesaler in the Dallas area once stated: “an educated consumer is our greatest customer”... Or something like that. Same thing.

The truth is, my loves, in a scant 7 days we will have yet ANOTHER administration in place to cure or cripple this country. And this election, more than any other in the last 40 years, is so important to the trajectory of the next century in American History.

In case you guys are blind, (which by the poles a good 39% of you are) Palin is setting herself up for an independent run for the Brass Ring in 2012. We can only hope her looks fade and her policies mature in that time. I’d love to know what Hillary thinks of this petulant and incompetent hockey-mom making a mockery of having a woman in the Whitehouse? I’m sure that bitch is pissed-muthafuckin-off that some pandering ex-beauty-queen would fuck up the opportunity to do wonders for the female gender in America. I know I would be. If I were her I’d get Palin cornered in a women’s room somewhere, pull out a shiv, and tell that cunt I’d make Trigger, Seabiscuit and the rest of the Palindromes motherless if she didn’t shut the fuck up and stop acting like William Randolph Hurst’s fucking WHORE on the rag every time she got in front of a goddamned microphone. It’s not a dick, Sarah. You can’t bite on it, slap it against your face, blow kisses at it, and fake it into cumming all over you. I’d really love to see Hillary kick that bitch right in the pussy for setting women’s political aspirations back two millennia. Now THAT would be a SMACKDOWN!

Not to go on and on, but she said NU-CLU-LAR for fuck's sake! She's a life-long member of the NRA, is openly anti gay, pro death penalty, and to quote a friend, a Stepford Fembot... she used marijuana when it was legal in Alaska... (ok, she's not all bad... ) but as a woman who is obvious pandering to the female voters she's striking out left and right, appalling most feminist groups without even trying because she's only talking to the BREEDERS. I see her on television like a hot female Yosemite Sam and envision her waving two six-guns in the air, shaking her shit out of her Victoria Secrets Lift Bra, winking like Michael Jay Fox, and pulling in the STUPID votes by the thousands... Her husband is in the oil industry, the Roman Empire of all industries and the next in line soon to topple, who's affiliation with a certain Alaskan separatist organization somehow slid under the media radar... McCain doesn't beilieve in evolution… Palin believes humans and dinosaurs lived together probably in neighborhoods resembling the Flintstones…

It makes me so embarrassed to be American, yall...

And everyone’s already forgotten about the Republican National Convention fiasco: the most BLATANT DISREGARD FOR HUMAN RIGHTS SINCE THE NAZI WAR CRIMES.

Live and let live, right McCain? Why look backwards when you can look forward… you dumb motherfucker… just because you are a simian you think WE ARE TOO???

Just a quick blurb from The Minneapolis Star Tribune...

“When protesters hit the streets of St. Paul on Monday to disrupt the convention, nearly every move they made was immediately relayed through webs of text messages and instantaneous Internet posts, in contrast to previous times when word more likely was spread via bullhorns and walkie-talkies. St. Paul police kept pace with a network of 103 video cameras mounted at strategic spots near the Xcel Energy Center and throughout downtown that fed live footage into a command center.

It all added up to something like a massive game of virtual chess, as demonstrators used electronic flashes to keep their allies one step ahead of police — who responded with countermoves aimed at quelling chaos before it had the chance to flare..”.

Police arrested nearly 300 protesters following the violent confrontations.

And don’t you feel like a total TOOL, McCain, by having your brother CALL 911 to inquire about traffic problems last week and then tell the operator “Fuck you” when she reprimanded him. YOU WANT PEOPLE WITH THIS GENEOLOGY RUNNING OUR COUNTRY??? Grated I wouldn’t mind fucking Palin into next week, but give her the keys to the KINGDOM?? Ah, not so much…

With the deficit reaching A TRILLION dollars, who the fuck do you think will pay all this back? What if the companies or nations who lent us this money decide to take a lean out on the country? What then? It will be the first corporate take-over and occupation of a country in history. And if you ask me it couldn’t happen to a better place... It would teach us right to have the Chinese and Microsoft OWN America. And subsequently YOUR ASS.

Now that the dollar is slowing rising people are having to abandon many subsidy programs that were in place and now STILL CAN’T AFFORD TO OPERATE! FTW???

And now McCain's own advisers sees Palin for what she really is...

At least now they see she's in it just for herself... God help us... The same year Charles Manson is up for parole might be Palin's first year as President of Rome. Let's hope the Mayans were right and the universe ends before then...

And of course, the qualifier is saying I’m a conspiracy theorist. Yes, of course I am. And I’m also a know-it-all Spic Who Can’t Keep His Mouth Shut, and An Ungrateful Egotist by thinking I can actually make a better environment out of the company I grace with my presence, and I’m a Selfish American for choosing not to have children and actually ENJOY my life for a while before giving away the farm… I’m also GAY because I refuse to fuck women beneath my intellectual level, I’m ugly because I don't fit into 34-inch waste jeans like my idiot mother thinks I SHOULD at 42, I’m a COMPLAINER because I have a voice and a platform and actually have the guts to USE IT.

Ok, I’m not one to kick a dead horse, so we will see all in 7 short days. This morning I myself made the rounds and voted early. Man, they sure don’t make it easy for you, either. So please, folks, regardless what you think of me or my work, if you’re listening to the sound of my fingers keying PLEASE get out there and do you duty. It doesn’t even matter who you’re voting for, just get out there and do it…

♠ JC

PART THREE Of Trilogy: “ROMANTIC LOVE…and Other Dangerous Vacation Destinations… Part Two.

2008-10-22T19:35:00.011-05:00

How do we choose who we give our hearts to? What is the criteria? IS there a criteria? Most certainly so, though, here more than anywhere else, my mantra prevails: Perception is Reality.

In modern Homo Sapien the hormonal flow is a visual impulse. That is to say it is based on the most sophisticated and error-proof of all internal computing processors: animal attraction. And when you think about it, it’s no wonder we have any success at all in copulating.

Somewhere along the line our modern brains kick in and keep us in the now by inserting certain social barriers into our proclivities… why do you think so many hot women hook up with marginal male partners? Is it because they don’t want competition? Or is it that hot people are just basically head-cases (the more self-aware they are, usually, the worse) and the more stable people haven’t had every person of the opposite sex they’ve met since they were twelve trying to get into their pants. Christ, that’s enough to fuck the Pope up. (don’t say it…)

Good sex is not good love, by any stretch of the imagination. This we learn like we learn not to touch hot stoves by putting our hands directly on a red-hot burner as a child, in a shriek of pain and violence. But sex is an object of desire that we equate with love when it really has little to do with the mechanics of love whatsoever. Sex is immediate gratification of the act of passion. Love is what happens after you realize you’ve been sleeping in the wet spot.

Is it bad to be single in our society? I think we’ve established in previous posts that, yes, in the eyes of the Western world, if you are single then you are FUCKED. In all actuality, you are not fucked and have a higher probability of seeing your dreams come true. It is part of the Western (i.e. Republican) Propaganda that TO PROCREATE IS TO BE. Sarah Palin is alive and well and dropping kids out of a birth-canal to NOWHERE.

I had a lover probably 6 months ago. We discovered each other on-line and, after foregoing a lot of the standard courtship rituals, we met, however awkwardly, were completely drawn to one another, and became lovers in the space of a few weeks. She had been married twice and each time it was to men whom she was not in love with. The man her two 20 year old boys think is their father is not… and she had decided not to tell them the truth... ever. I never respected her stand on this and though I thought there were very good reasons for us to not date I stayed because the sex rocked and she seemed to really like me. Finally, she and I broke up for a myriad of sicko reasons, one being she met someone on-line and started seeing them right after we broke up even though she was trying to get back together with me… When she tried to talk to me after the first break-up, even without knowing about him yet, I didn’t want to open myself to her any longer. I believed that she was in a state of transition and that I would eventually end up roadkill so I kept her at arms length. She then lashed back by accusing me of being gay (ftw??) and said some other really horrible shit over email (which is such an abhorrent way to communicate ANYTHING, children, whether it’s true or not). I was aghast. I couldn’t believe that someone I had actually cared enough about to “fuck into next week” on a semi-regular basis would stoop so low to attack the main thing that held us together in the first place; the sex. I’m sure it was her kids who put it in her mind, being of common stock and temperament- real men are just not as cute, smart, and secure as I am. Plus who would not want to fuck their hot mom? I must be a fag. Whatever, yall. Remember, no matter how hot they are: somebody somewhere is tired of fucking them. And probably for good reason…

Anyway, I hadn’t spoken to her since then. And five days ago I received an email from her. Seeing her name filled me with a pungent combination of dread and excitement. I reluctantly opened the email and this is what I read:

… I'm sure you are wondering why in the hell (you are) receiving this email. My reason is this: I wanted to apologize for the things I said to you. I said them to hurt, to push buttons, to be obnoxious and I'm not proud of that. I'm not writing this to request friendship, forgiveness or anything else, I'm writing this because I said things to hurt you that weren't true and I am deeply sorry for that and needed to tell you.

I also wanted to thank you for being the catalyst to my eventual happiness; I'm not saying this to bother you (I know it doesn't or I would keep my mouth shut). You helped me to discover myself, cut loose all my safety nets, and move from a stagnant position. Life is just too short and for that I am truly grateful. I understand friendship between you and I is simply not prudent; our lives differ so greatly and I doubt our paths will ever cross. However, if we do run into one another I want you to know I wish you no ill will, only happiness.

I'm sorry for all the flailing, confusion, and the bad ending, I offer no excuses.

Thank you…

My feelings were mixed reading this. I felt, again, that I had been the catalyst for someone to wake up. I’m forever the alarm clock for most of my lovers…and it is a predisposition that I’m not entirely comfortable with. Being the voice of reason that slaps my lovers on the side of the head and shows them what their lives should be like… And they go on to find their motivations and live happily ever after… Whatever…

Did I ever love her? For a short time yes. But in that instant that she had the notion to write this email my love went far beyond it’s own boundaries and taught her something that alone she would never have experienced… And though my perceived rejection may have contributed to her cruelty towards me it also pushed her into a colorspace (please excuse the technical reference) where she finally realized that without said thrust she would never have reached her own emotional potential.

Is that love?

Yes, indirectly, but most definitely. I knew what I was doing by bringing her out in the open, getting her off of playing World of Warcraft 20 hours or more a week, and having a real life with real people, doing real things and having real sex. But, of course, everyone always kills the messenger. Now she is happy with a man that compliments her temperament and tastes and she, for probably the first time in her life, is truly happy. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HER LIFE. And I had a DIRECT involvement with making that happen. And I appreciate her sentiments.

It makes me feel like somehow all the pain was worthwhile.

Though desirable, you must remember: Love is the never-ending enemy. It thwarts dreams, destroys friendships, kills social lives, waistlines, expendable income, free time, and autonomy. And that’s before children, which is not a requisite output of an interpersonal union, in opposed to popular opinion, but is undeniably an occupational hazard.

To have children people should be able to pass a basic proficiency exam like they do when renewing their driver’s license or get certified for open-water diving. I mean really, to be a pilot you have to prove you can fly an airplane, to be a teacher you have to prove you can teach people. To be a beautician, same thing… Shouldn’t you have to prove you’re able to take care of and raise another person as well to be a parent?

I’m just saying…

If so, believe me, there would be a lot less children being born. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. Just because you CAN drop 8-10 shit-machines in a normal life-time does that mean you SHOULD? I can put my feet behind my head and fart the theme to JAWS but I have WAY too much self-pride to actually put you through having to watch it… yet I am forced to sit next to families of 7-15 with infants shitting and throwing up like the followers of Reverend Jim Jones in Guyana, listen to them shrieking out in the middle of movies (I’M SORRY, YOU SELFISH PRICKS, BUT KEEP YOUR HELL-SPAWN OUT OF SOCIAL INSTITUTIONS UNTIL THEY ARE MANAGEABLE. YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR STUPID DECISIONS- I DO NOT!!)

Having children is a completely different thing than falling in love and getting married. It’s choosing to put your SELF on the SHELF for, oh, 16 to 20 years. It’s also about creating an individual from ground up. And for those of you out there that think you’re an amazing parent- what do you base that assessment on? That you’ve been raised in a large family? That you’ve subscribed to Lifetime for the last 5 years? That you cared enough to have ANOTHER child so the first wouldn’t be lonely? What the FUCK makes you think you’re capable of giving not life (ANY simian can fuck and shit out clones) but can you give them REASON, PERSONALITY, INTELLIGENCE, SELF-CONFIDENCE?? If not, it’s probably because you don’t have those things yourself. My question is: Who fucked you in the first place??

But once you start questioning peoples right to indiscriminately populate the earth you are no longer a champion of freedom but a Nazi fuck encroaching on our Ameican rights, Goddamnit! And the believe me the only thing that has allowed Bush to wreak the the havoc he has on the free world is because he had the smarts NOT to fuck with the right to bear arms nor to procreate. Otherwise there would have been a civil revolution for all the wrong reasons… And they would all be the ones who are currently supporting him… (strange dynamic, eh?) Fuck the rights of the children to competent parents, how about the rights of the ADULTS to just PUMP THEM OUT??

Anyway, to me, having children is a totally bad business model.

And before you start lighting the torches and start storming the castle remember I was born an only-child and was used as leverage by both my parents to hurt one another for years. I beg of you: If you’re not having children for the right reasons, if you can’t afford to give them the time, emotional, and the financial support they NEED, then please, please reconsider having them at all…

But that is for another post entirely…

True love is love of SELF. Because when everyone else is gone, dead, or getting some on the side you will still have to deal with yourself. And it’s a lot easier to deal with, as it is with other people, when you respect yourself.

I was talking to a good female friend of mine, Veronica D. She had grown up in a close small-town family. Her mother had been with only one man, her husband, her entire life. My friend was sitting with her mother on her death-bed waiting for the inevitable, when the frail woman suddenly looked up and asked her, “What is it like to be with more than one man?”

My friend looked at her mother in a state of shock and asked, “…at the same time?”

If I were drinking milk it would surely have been spewing out of my nose by then. But it’s so true; good or bad, love is no longer what it once was to generations past.

In the days of Emily Bronte and her love-lorn heroines love was more cerebral. There were no such things as a global village, the internet, pay porn sites, and OK Cupid. If you were fortunate enough to be in the social circles to get peoples’ physical addresses then the wanton torrid relationships would be through the mail. And I’m not talking UPS and FedEx. It would take weeks, sometimes months for replies from your lover, depending on your location. Talk about holding an orgasm… Hell, I’m good but not that good…

We’ve lost something in the globalization of our love lives. We’ve lost the innocence of falling in love. Speaking to another good female friend of mine she reminded me of the 3-date rule most modern women follow-

-after 3 dates with someone you either dump him or fuck him.

Personally, I’m much more into test-driving a car before buying… in old days women who were dating around were considered sluts and harlots and were ostracized by society in general. These days you get your own reality series and Internet pay site. My own father said, “When I was young I used to go to the movies to watch adults have sex. Now I go to the movies to watch children have sex…” (God, I love that guy… )

When did we loose ourselves?

Love today is disposable. Who really goes into a relationship thinking it will last forever? REALLY?? Do you? If so, then you are a HELL of a lot more trusting and idealistic than I am (and believe me, that’s SAYING SOMETHING). For someone so jaded I consistently find myself compromising myself for the sake of love (or at least for a good blow-job). And the dream becomes finding someone who I will not have to compromise myself for. I mean, it is all about compromise, but I’m talking about squelching the essence of who we are, the heart of what make us US.

Can we give ourselves to another while still holding on to ourselves? I’ll be honest, it’s not easy, my lovers. But education is the key. That and practice... As silly as it may sound the more we fail in our quest, the more dead ends, the more empty coffins, the more horrendous psychic vampires we run into the closer we get to our goal. It’s a numbers game, kiddos. It’s all hard work and determination and chutzpah and faith in your own heart. It is there, little ones. It might not look like you think it should, but it is there, attainable, and regardless of what I’ve written for the last 5547 words, it is WAITING FOR YOU. You just have to be able to recognize it. And believe me, I want us all to find it. Not that we all deserve it, but it would change us all and therefore make the world a little easier to navigate. So you get my vote.

I LOVE. Therefore I AM. And so are you, if you do it right. I raise my glass to you all and to myself. It takes courage to go out there and live life to the fullest. And we who have hurt the worst deserve the best. Carpe Diem! Take all that is offered you from the maidens in the sky each day… Live like you mean it, people.

Let it be.

♠ JC

PART THREE: “ROMANTIC LOVE…and Other Dangerous Vacation Destinations… Part One

2008-10-14T10:38:00.014-05:00

(This is the last installment of the American Sexual Trilogy. Sorry it's taken so long and is in two parts but I have a real life as well... believe it or not...)

...And at last we come to the most prized of all treasures, the most elusive, precious and sought out thing in existence; fuck the Arc of the Covenant, The Temple of Doom, Xanadu, Tamerlain, Nirvana, Carmen San Diego, The Island of Lost Souls, Soloman’s Temple, Where Eagles Dare, and Life on Mars… Lara Croft and Indiana Jones were looking for this all along and never found it. (no, I obviously didn’t see the last episode of that decades-old franchise and am boycotting it on principal like I do other things built on false pretenses like Angelina Jolie, the 2008 Summer Olympics, and children.) It is the one thing that everyone wants but very few have actually experienced. No, I’m not talking about the perfect bra or a 14 inch long cock…

(Which reminds me of a joke…)

What’s white and 14 inches long?

Nothing.

(unless you happen to be Italian...)

I am speaking of Romantic Love…

(The orchestra swells, cue the wind machine, let loose the doves!)

…the most intoxicating elixir since Anisette and GHB… It is a fantastic journey equal to exploring the Amazon basin: intoxicating, wondrous, and ultimately carcinogenic to the human organism. We are like immaculate lemmings dancing off a cliff in the follow-swoon of our genetically (and socially) programmed need to find the love of our lives. Like Don Quixote we fight dragons of our own creation, chase shadows of our own imaginations when it comes to the pursuit of the opposite (or even the same) sex… And we find so many other things on this bittersweet quest than our desired target: children, low self-esteem, our gag reflexes… We even trick ourselves into believing true love exists outside of ourselves like those poor stupid knights who sought in vain for a Holy Grail when it was within their grasp all along.

But I get ahead of myself…

Throughout history, through the meticulous eye of Hollywood, the figure of Giacomo Casanova, the partial-namesake of this blog, has always been portrayed as a philandering sexual despot, a cavalier predator taking advantage of vulnerable females who eventually, either under the pain of death or writhing in the agony of love, repents for his devilish ways. In reality he was, unbeknownst even to him at the time, setting himself up to be a sexual icon, an ideal, an inspiration at the very least to men everywhere to sensualize themselves in an effort to bridge the enormous gap between the sexes and become a pillar (figuratively and literally) for their lovers to collapse against or be lashed to… (Now that sounds like a great way to wake up in the morning…) But modern men, once the war has been won and the prize collected, wander in their thoughts and their desires… Not so with Casanova. Because he is all things to all lovers, if not in legend then in theory. As in love, inspiration, my dear brothers and sisters, is where you find it. His lengthy (and repetitive) conquests in his vague, clever distillation of the Venetian vernacular are not really sexy, at least not in my modern assessment. But what seduces in his prose is the lively presentation of then modern-day Venice; the social structure, the influence of society over art and love… So is love part of pop culture? Is romance tied intrinsically to the ebb and flow of fashion and marketing? Most definitely so. We are all being compared to McDreamy, Mr. Big, Amanda and the rest of them. Does it surprise you? It’s yet another invention of society to make our happiness unattainable and to keep your lovers jumping through flaming hoops of shit. It’s no wonder the Venetian adventurer created himself into quite the pop writer in his time, as well. Willard Trask translated his memoirs finally into English for the first time in the 1960s. JC says, check it out…

The name of this blog refers to that cavalier self-knowledge Giacomo developed coupled with more than a tip of the hat to the genius of Ayn Rand and her masterpiece Atlas Shrugged. Objectivism, her intellectual contribution to the world, is a social philosophy that values the human mind and all the gifts of intellectual property as GOLD compared to the greedy outstretched hands of lesser creatures who live not with verve and aplomb but like parasites sucking the blood from their host organisms. What I purpose in this on-going chronicle to our society is a marriage (forgive the vernacular) of intensely intimate interaction with a complete detachment. Life is experiential, not needful. And that is the best thing I can do: show you the world (ourselves) through eyes clear of emotional baggage.

So many want love given to them but have no idea how to give it back. And apparently don’t give a shit about learning. I offer another option: Tell people what they need to know in a compassionate view. It is the greatest gift that I or anyone else can give.

Is it wrong to make people feel how they want? Is it wrong to love with all your heart and give the last bit of ourselves to insure we are demonstrating real love?

I think we’ve determined the answer is YES, but only if we sacrifice ourselves to achieve it. I’m not saying sacrifice is ennoble but it, like love and loyalty, MUST NOT BE BLIND. Just because it looks like the real thing doesn’t mean it is. Remember, a silent child can be an indication of either a quietly plotting and self-aware mind or a vegetable. From an outsider’s POV they look identical. Same with matters of the heart.

Who dictates what truth is? Is staying in an abusing relationship ‘sticking it out’? Or is it just emotional suicide? I think you know what I think. (See, we are becoming so close now that you anticipate my actions. Or reactions. As if we ourselves are lovers… I need to keep my eye on you…)

And it goes back to what we’ve been taught true love looks like. Our parents, our schools, the MEDIA…. All are input devices that affect our emotional calibration.

Being the exposed nerve I am, I have fallen long and hard for many women over the years. It is both my curse and my blessing simultaneously.

The first was Mindy L, a cute, knobby-kneed, nerdy little white girl who wore glasses and acted so incredibly shy… until that day at Big Momma’s (the affectionate name I had for the lady that kept me and probably 20 other children during the work-week). I was all of 4 1/2 and she and I were watching The Mighty Super Heroes cartoon one afternoon. Rope Man and Tornado Man had just clobbered the Speelunker and I suppose the gratuitous violence coupled with Baby Man’s exposed diaper must have hit a button because little square Mindy suddenly grabbed me by the shoulders and literally threw me behind the big EZ recliner and planted one on me, right on the lips. She even tried to put her little tongue in my mouth…

I shit you not.

After that, I knew I was in love. It happened on a Friday and I couldn’t wait to see her that next week. My little heart felt like it would pop through my chest all weekend with anticipation. But when my mother finally dropped me off on Monday morning Mindy was nowhere in sight. I asked Big Momma where Mindy was and she picked me up and hugged me like she did (something my own mother never seemed to have the time to do) and told me gently that Mindy’s mom had taken her and moved away. She wasn’t coming back.

Do you remember your first taste of real pain? And I don’t mean stepping on a tack or slamming your little hand in a door, I mean real emotional pain that you know at that very millisecond of synaptic firing that you will never ever get over it as long as you live?

I do.

And that is an enormous key to why I am who I am. That little girl, who probably doesn’t even remember me, instilled in me the desire for an aggressive, independent, and confident partner (which by the very definition is paramount to giving an axe to a maniac and expecting them to work at a barbecue joint). My tastes, however self-destructing, had been set in pre-pubescent stone.

Mother. Fucker.

The next time I saw Mindy was first day of school in second grade at Santa Demonica Catholic School in Dallas, Sexless. I remember being corralled into homerooms for the first time of the new school year, all of us boys in white button-down shirts, Kelly green perma-press slacks, and horrible matching bow ties and sweaters. The girls had pleated plaid skirts in the same green with knee-high white socks and Mary Janes: basically, the hottest stripper outfit imaginable... (sans the sweater.) Huge nuns in black flowing robes (whom I would eventually come to call Darth Vaders) were storming about in their inescapable mix of foreboding and conciliation. I was contemplating suicide without even knowing the word for it when I suddenly saw Mindy standing across the room against the blackboard with her skinny little hands on her hips, a look of complete defiance on her little adorably scrunched-up face. In the two years since I had last seen her she had donned these goober (yet really sexy) thick black-framed glasses and looked like a cross between Tina Fey in "30 Rock"and Janine Garafalo’s character in "Dogma", the cynical Jewish abortion clinic worker. Only 7 years old. (I always went for older women) She was the first poster girl for geeky/sexy without ever even knowing it. But my head was so fucked up already from having to deal with my parents’ violent pre-divorce episodes that, emotionally, I just was not up to the task as of taking a girlfriend that everyone considered geeky… not yet… Besides, the truth is I was terribly shy and would not have my first girlfriend until 8th grade when I got kicked out of private school two short months before graduation and one week before my Catholic confirmation…

But that is for another post entirely…

Next, there was Cathy T who, because of no other reason than the irony of the Greco-Roman alphabet and the fucked up way the Darth Vaders happened to space the seats, sat right in front of me for my entire career at Santa Demonica Catholic Screw. She was Hispanic but with skin like alabaster, gorgeous like there was no tomorrow, and had the most adorable laugh I’d ever heard to this day… If I were making a film about that time in my life (which I’m considering) Cathy would be the sympathetic uber-hot popular girl (who dates the asshole jock who fucks with me all the time) but who secretly thinks I’m cute. There is no other woman in my entire adult life that I made more of a fool of myself in front of as I did that poor girl. But I’ll get to that in a minute.

And to add a bit of flavor to the small opera that my life was already becoming, my father, the heartbreak kid of Dallas’ Silicone Alley, had actually dated (i.e. fucked) Cathy’s mother back in the day…

(He’s so totally my hero…)

Cathy was a petite baton twirler and was the ONLY reason I decided to get involved with doing the half-time sound for the cheerleaders at the games for those thankless Catholic football fuckers in first place. Just to lay my eyes on her day after day was heaven enough for me. I wasn’t a footballer, I wasn’t in the honors society, I was just this intense, serious, and intelligent misanthrope who was so in love with her I could barely breathe when she was around.

Anyway, the ultimate embarrassment came one night in the spring of 1979. I was out on a Wednesday night with my bestest friend the crazy Ron H (some terrific parenting skills, eh?) and we got wasted on a twelve-pack of Shlitz Malt Liquor some hippie bought for us. Cathy’s family had the unfortunate luck of living two blocks away from the house I grew up in, the House of Horrors… (another story entirely) Well, of course I got the great idea to go and say hi to the girls (she had one older sister- who eventually became a nun (what a fucking waste)- and a set of younger twins who were as bitchy as they were adorable) knowing full well that none of them thought me deserving of their time much less their affections. I knew which window was Cathy’s and I crawled up on my belly like the horny commando I was (remember this was 7th grade, yall) and knocked on the window. Nobody answered. I tried again. Ron was biting a hole in his lip trying to keep from laughing. I tried again. Nothing. I was crushed but so intoxicated that we went on to do something else and I quickly forgot about the entire visit.

Until I got home two hours later.

All the lights in the house were on. My father was standing at the door as I walked up still so obviously drunk. Apparently, when Cathy woke up from my knocking on the window instead of opening it and engaging in sexy prepubescent banter she went and woke up her father who grabbed his shotgun and was pointing it straight at my head on the other side of the window the entire time. I was sooo fucking stupid.

Jesus, the shit that we do in the name of love…

At 18 I fell in love with a married woman. And it was the most painful thing I ever experienced in my life. She came into the grocery store where I was a checker (very much the celebrity with my friend Ian H, a very funny British kid who moved to Dallas the year before. Our lives were very similar to the film “Employee of the Month”, with all the star-power and flirting privileges imaginable). She would come in and openly flirt with me. One night she came back when I got off and took me to her office. I knew we were going to have sex and was sooo incredibly excited. However, when we got there she proceeded to lie on her back and just… lie there. I was on top of her and I swear I thought she had stopped breathing. What ego someone must have to think they are the hottest thing in the world that they can just LIE THERE and expect your under-age (but not inexperienced) lover to just loose his cookies on your no-moving, haggard, fish-smelling ass… I’ve had better lays from the stupid junior-high girls… At least they had EXHUBERANCE! And, believe me, that beats the shit out of this bullshit. She had a child two years younger than I. I should have known she was a predator who’s BIG O was more important than a young man’s heart. And laugh if you must. But like I said, I fall hard. And maybe that’s another reason why I have never married…

That… and my mother…

Which is another type of love that affects every other, whether you want to admit it or not. But let’s not spoil the mood, shall we?

Anyway, the real message in all this banter is that I started early and have always continued the hard and fast system of falling for women. All or nothing I always say. Isn’t that the way it should be??? (echoes of Carley Simon waft through the air like cigarette smoke in a darkened room…)

Regardless, I blamed no one but myself. I have always had the knowledge of all of this shit and it has made me neurotic. We neurotics assume too much responsibility. Whenever we are in conflict we assume we are at fault. That and religion. Nothing like good ol’ Roman Catholicism to screw your sense of self up. I swear, I’m the type who if I heard that somebody stole something from the office I would wonder if maybe I did it in my sleep or something and just shut it out. Seriously. Who the fuck does that?? I also used to dream that I killed somebody and would wake up thinking I remembered it in my dreams and would have these conflicts about turning myself in or not… Talk about fucked up…

What makes us fall in love in the first place?

When we decide to fall in love we check out. We relinquish our grip on reality and dive headfirst into the black seas of tumultuousness. Willingly. To someone who has been raised an only-child it’s so much easier staying single… But easier is rarely better. And that’s a philosophy many should plug into more areas of their lives.

But instead of checking out of reality we should CHECK IN to reality.

One of the most healing pieces of literature I’ve ever come across is "The Road Less Traveled", by M. Scott Peck, M.D. I will refer to it in the coming passages.

Love is not effortless, it is effortful. You have to really want it. Not just the good stuff, but all of it. And I just don’t think I’m there yet… I feel like I’ve put up with enough bad shit for 5 relationships, so I’m not feeling the love here…

Ultimately, self-love and the love for others go not only hand in hand, they are virtually indistinguishable from one another. Desire is not the same as action. The desire to love is not love itself. Love is an act of WILL. We cannot will love into existence like a Genie. WILL is the emotion of DESIRE vibrating at a sufficient frequency to makes us take action. ACTION is the centrifugal spark that creates real love. Will also implies CHOICE. We make a choice to fall in love. We do not have to love. We CHOOSE to love. For better or for worse…

One thing is for sure: We cannot be a source of strength for someone else unless we nurture strength in ourselves. How can you save someone from drowning when you yourself can’t even swim? We have to train ourselves to be strong, to be able to handle our own lives, our own insecurities and fears before we ever attempt to truly handle someone else’s...

(To be continued...)

REPOST: Death, Dollar Value, and the Nicest Way to Show Someone You Care...

2008-09-11T10:41:00.003-05:00

[we will take a break from the TRILOGY to remember 9-11. this is a re-post from September 11, 2006.]

Life is non-sustainable, at least at this level. Death is our ultimate goal as living creatures. We have but a moment to engrave our personalities on the people and experiences we leave behind and then we are gone. To where, no one knows. All the banter is nothing but conjecture, so, suffice to say that, for this realm of being, this is it, folks. Use it or lose it.

For some of us, our legacy will be our children. For others, the legacy will be the fruits of their labors; artistic endeavors, fortunes, debts... We are all complex and finite and expiring.

I threw my back out after helping a friend move this last weekend. (No one else heeded her request. Fuckers. It's ok, at least I was there to help. But for the last two days I have been paying the price. Just goes to show you, no good deed goes unpunished.) If Mt. Vesuvius erupted at this moment I would not be able to carry myself to safety, much less anyone else. Talk about vulnerability... Makes me very nervous being helpless.

And helpless is exactly how I feel when I see so many people close to me in failing health lately.

My mother's father (yes, in opposition to popular opinion I was not hatched) died, finally, last month of throat cancer. I had a horrible indifference towards him regarding my mother that I'd rather not go into at this time. But having to deal with his dying and not having even an inkling of a relationship with him for the last 10 years was torture enough. See ya...

My father's mother, my favorite grandmother, has basically been sent home to die. They removed 75 % or her stomach two weeks ago and it was riddled with cancer. Sorry, nothing we can do. Next...

Another friend has contracted some mysterious liver disease that may or may not be life threatening. She will have to undergo intensive exploratory biopsies all the while raising her three children alone. I think I saw that one on Lifetime...

Another friend, after suffering from severe migraine headaches for years, was finally diagnosed with a brain tumor (thank God not malignant) and is having it removed in a couple of weeks unless a chemical alternative can be formulated. Happens all the time...

Plus my Euro-trash ex is suffering from some unknown liver/blood condition (Thank God I've tested clean. Thanks for asking.) Whatever...

These are not nameless faceless statics, these are people who have or have at one time had a piece of my heart, whom I think about on a daily basis. They have names and faces and lives and mortgages and dreams and desires that I know all about... They are the only tie I have to my concept of humanity. And they are quitely being taken down by mysterious ailments that appear out of nowhere. Like so many other people... Like there's something in the water...

Maybe there is.

Have you heard of the plague running rampant that causes horrible skin welts, black sweat, and has a curious symptom of having colored fibers growing out of the victim's skin? You should really get that thing looked at...

It's right out of an episode of X-files. Loved that show...

I'm a little tired of being reminded of my mortality every turn I take. And getting taken down by a government-hatched bug last week and now by a kink in a tiny nerve ending... I see that we humans, as a stellar organism, are so fucking fragile. How we get up and fight our battles day after day I'll never understand. And for what?

What is my motivation??

I guess it carries over into my personal life. Why get attached when nothing ever lasts? Why give yourself completely when someone will spit all your love and caring back into your face like you are nothing?

Because we are our own emotional terrorists, and as in any terrorism, the moment we allow a threat to change our nature, the battle against us has been won. We will have been manipulated into reacting to a stimulus, made to flinch. And I am tired of flinching. I will not let some fucked up, bad-actress, little piece of Euro-trash keep me from ever allowing myself to be happy again with someone else. I deserve happiness. And regardless of whether it looks like I think it should or not, I will know when happiness is standing in front of me. I will feel the heat of its gaze slicing into my soul, stirring my desires, feeding my hunger...and I will be satiated.

In the course of our everyday lives we get glimpses of radiance, moments of pure joy with another seeking individual... But that must not be confused with the true goal. And if the goal is not to find our soul mate (if indeed something like that does exist), then what are we searching for? Companionship? That is rare enough for a feral creature like me. Security? There is no such thing. Everything can be wiped out from under all of us in a heartbeat. Just ask the Katrina survivors... Is it just a momentary rest from seaching, finding just one person who is like a beacon in the water that we can just rest against before continuing the never-ending quest..?

I'd like to think there are a number of possible combinations for each of us in life. There is not just ONE PERSON like there is not ONE GOD or ONE WAY TO MAKE TOLLHOUSE COOKIES or ONE WAY TO PAINT A PICTURE or ONE WAY TO MAKE LOVE or... (I think you get my meaning.) There are probably four people in the world we each could choose to be with and reach a level of happiness we've never dreamed possible. There are also a greater number of lesser entities whom we could live with comfortably and be relatively happy. We make our choices based upon information we have gathered, times the number of disappointments, divided by our fear and cynicism. We take the score for all contestants and compare the sum. The highest result wins us. It is a number we decide we can live with.

Now, whether or not our choices actually work is a different subject entirely. But at least we're not afraid to get outside our boundaries and attempt a connection. Fear is what keeps us docile, fear of making the wrong decision, fear of choosing the wrong person. Yes, some decisions are decidedly better than others based on a huge cross-reference of accumulated data, but listen when I say that there are no wrong decisions. The only wrong decision is the one you only half make. To commit oneself, to have total faith in one's decision is to manifest applied energy to create something new that you believe in with your whole heart. There is no wrong in that.

(Unless you happen to be Charles Manson.)

But here we come to the returning X factor: all men are NOT created equal. One man's heart may be strong enough move mountains, another man's heart can barely get through the morning paper. Therefore, results may vary.

I remember being so depressed in my mid-twenties that I finally took the Bacchanal indulgence in that one tell-tale rite of passage for all true self-absorbed drama queens; attempted suicide. Yes, I joined the legion of quirky, frightened, insecure, ex-neo-hippy-yupsters who have allowed themselves to get so far off their meds that they have actually tried to take their own lives. Now, not to glorify the emotional bottom-out that precedes a desperate cry for help like attempting to take one's own life, but I personally think, in its purist form, it's an experience that everyone should have to go through by a certain age. Like France does with the military. It would force an appreciation for life and the delicacy of living it onto your soul like nobody's business.

Or you would die. Then where would you be? Exactly...

I think the same thing about waiting tables. It should be mandatory that every registered voter in America should have to spend one year waiting tables. Believe me, a lot of attitude problems in this country would disappear.

But the act of almost killing myself made me appreciate the simple act of living. Yes, I fed the dark side of my personality with the ritualizing rhetoric and all the twelve-step conclusions you could shake a sober stick at. But it made me feel somehow venerated after the ordeal, anointed by the salt of my own tears. In a lesser person, it would have meant the end of innocence. In me, it reinstated my hunger for it. For purity. For non-fucked-upness.

Being a bachelor is an interesting feat in and of itself. Not that I'm one to expend actual energy trying to sustain that status, it has, however, remained that way for a myriad of reasons and has colored my life in its own misty shade of blue for the last 40 years. But now, when I behold all the compatriots in my personal life as well as so many I have had the good fortune to be introduced to on these digital pages 'knee deep' in the formation of another life that has sprung from theirs... It's enough to make a compassionate and integrous man question his motives... and his desires. Being a bit on the fringe of the family and marriage thing I am cautious to open my mouth sometimes and probably am not completely welcome to do so in certain company. However, I just have to say, for someone like me, who's heart is like the ashes of a once raging inferno, I envy you all who have had the courage to make such a commitment to yourselves to have children... It is a wondrous sight that I, very much the star-sailor, have never had the fortune to cast his eyes upon. Kudos and much compassion to each and every one of you.

It is not something I may ever do. I am too afraid to subject my offspring to this fucked-up circus of a life we live. So I have refrained. But I have always thought I'd be a great surrogate father...

Quit laughing. I would be. Hell, people like me should have children. There wouldn't be so many mongoloids running around. Because my children would trap them and eat them.

I love children. Such pliant fingers... (Oh, wait, that's Hellraiser...) I mean... Such pliant minds... I love the concept of putting your thoughts and ideas into the head of a little person. It's like getting a new computer; programming it, telling it what to do in whatever situations... Yeah, one growing, consuming, totally draining, fallible computer that wrecks the car and talks back... (On second thought, maybe it IS a bad business plan... But that's for another time...)

No, really, most children take to me immediately. Probably because I'm one of them in many respects. I think they are so incredibly intelligent, if they had the gifts of communication and discernment we adults wouldn't stand a chance.

Speaking of children, have any of you ever dated one? (And by child I don't mean pedophilic, underage sickness, just younger.) The good rule is ten years or more constitutes a child. Unless you're 50 or over. Then if the person doesn't have their shit together by the time they're 40, it's no one's fault but theirs...

(Ah, on second thought, maybe I should shut my fucking mouth...)

Young lovers are mostly good stock; healthy, appreciative, well-meaning, curious, exuberant... And on the Cordova scale exuberance actually holds more weight than looks or brains. Especially in if it's strictly sex. So many times we are out late at night and work up an appetite. We stroll up to the garcon and say,

"Yes, I'll have the young brunette, rare, with a side of exuberance..."

But really what you should say is,

"I think I'll have an entree portion of exuberance and a side of young brunette. Rare."

So much tastier... And a better dollar value.

But it's different for women. Young men might be in great shape, hungry, motivated, and constantly horny but so is my friend's Jack Russell Terrier and I wouldn't fuck him with your dick- (er, ah, pussy) (Not my particular bent)

But here's the skinny, girls, from me to you:

Men shouldn't be trusted until they're well into their 30's. Because until then the only voice they listen to is the little voice inside their heads. Their dick heads. Not that that in and of itself is a crime, but they lack the motivation and sincerity to reciprocate your affections. Attention Deficit Disorder of the glands. And every sensualist knows that the true seat of personal pleasure lies in the ability to please your partner. And though as Americans we live in the worst of all possibly worlds when it comes to sexual freedom, some of us are able to cross into the barrier of sexual awareness, stay away from criminal perversion, and allow ourselves and our lovers to live the lives of sensualists. But that's the nature of a thinking man who thinks with his...head.

And in all honesty, ladies... it never changes. Not really. Its focus might not always be on you, but the song, ad infinitum, to one extent or another, always remains the same.

Of course, in relationships, though familiarity may breed the deepest contempt, it also allows for certain joyful liberties to be taken. At least with people like us (yes, I will even include myself in this truest of blanket statements), you know where we're coming from.

We are the boyfriends who are always grabbing your ass when we open the door for you. We are the ones staring at your tits when you are telling us about your day. We daydream about putting our cocks in your face when you are relaying a particularly hurtful email from your mother... When you're gone we go through your panty drawers and sniff our favorites in hopes a trace of pheromone resides in the string of the thong. We sneak in and watch while you shower early in the morning before work. We drag you into dark alcoves and drop to our knees to pull your panties down and take you in our mouths while no one's looking at your office party. We are nurturing, dependable, and ambitious. We are constant. You can set your clocks to us. We're charming, but we're not exactly nice. We don't have to be; we're honest. Overly nice people are hiding something. John Wayne Gacy was nice. John Wilkes Booth was nice. The Uni-bomber was nice. You don't have to worry about hidden agendas or dangerous stalker episodes from us... You know exactly what to expect: We want to fuck you. All the time. End of story.

Now, personally, I can't think of a nicer way to tell someone you care.

We don't want your friends, we don't want you to want your friends, we don't want the preppy waitress from lunch nor the quiet bank teller nor the smoking-hot Absolute girl at the bar giving out free liquor. We want you. On all fours. Eight hours out of ten.

But youngsters don't understand the delicacies of sustaining a relationship of that intensity.

Fast food.

Living nostalgia.

Humble pie or bitter fruit.

Young women can be swept along in the game, but young men cannot take the wheel. Not really.

The penis is a double-edged sword. Indeed...

But, really, why all of this banter on such a solomn day?

Because this is my reality. It is what I know. I was not one of the unfortunate thousands to be directly touched by the catastrophy of 9/11. But I am human. I feel pain. I have those I love who have gone. I have others I long for. I have dependants and obligations and self-imposed miseries that mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. My world is fragile and insignificant to everyone else on the planet. Except me. And we are all the same in that respect. And though we are reminded how we should embrace the collective pain, we should also remember to handle our own pain and not stuff it down with concerns for things outside of our own lives. There are factors surrounding 9/11 that are inconcievable to many of you. And therefore, to you, they do not exist. Because there is nothing more important to you than your life and those in it. The government tells you it's protecting you. And why shouldn't you trust your own government? It only has your best interest in mind. You might as well question your own motives... Why should truth ruin our requiem? Why should such a horrible event clear our vision when it can cloud everything but our collective sense of revenge? And whether we are gazing out of hanger doors with thousands or mearly peeking outside our front windows we see the same thing. We feel the same pangs of fear, we hold the same resentments, cherish the same desires... and we are vulnerable.

Perception...it is our reality.

And we embrace it.

♠