"What the Fuck??" And Other Marvelous Tag Lines of the Modern Age

Three weeks ago yours truly participated in a panel that was asked to address the students at the Arts Institute here in Southern Babylon. The group was comprised of some of the most highly regarded media professionals in the city; producers, voice-over agents, casting agents, and writers. I have yet to figure out what the hell I was doing there. As a matter of fact, one of the first things out of my mouth was that I was undoubtedly the only panel member who was NOT currently working in his/her industry. I was expecting peals of laughter. What I got instead was the sound of crickets chirping. I jest. Actually, the kids were totally cool and by the end of the seminar I got a line of would-be writers asking me a myriad of questions, many of which I didn't have the answers to. Since I'm still searching for representation myself, I chose to stress integrity in writing, responsibility in journalism, and writing about what you know. They seemed genuinely inspired and impressed. I was pleased to share what I could with these young people. I hope I helped positively shape their futures in some infinitesimal way.

Lately I've heard and read of about dozens of cases of friends and family alienating one another over political discussions. Socialism verses liberty, etc... Seriously, folks, we all need to realize that what is good for, let's say, a family of four is disaster for someone like me: early forties, heterosexual, who has no desire to sire children WHATSOEVER. What many of you people think was a wonderful time in American history (the ill-fated Bush years) was in reality a witch hunt for people like me. You and I are natural enemies. Stands to reason that your political beliefs are not going to gel with other members of society including your friends and family. We are becoming a very definable chaste system; stubborn, prejudicial, and full of spite and bitterness towards those who do not share our chosen lifestyle. This is AMERICA, folks, remember? Land of the free? Home of the Knave? We need to realize that, for better or for worse, we will never be a society that emulates one another. And that's a good thing... isn't it? Hello?? It's only the crux of what the forefathers of this country planned... And now these tenets are being encroached upon by the self-righteous sense of entitlement of the breeder sect towards the rest of us who are not so procreatively inclined. Where does the perversion of it all stop? We have become a society of predators. People in the city are rude, expectant, demanding, and anything but loving of one another. Hell, just drive from one end of Southern Babylon to the other. The inconsideration, the gall, the total black hole of generosity that people exist in even while driving on the Interstate is enough to piss off the pope.

Seriously, people, if you're going to hate a friend or family member hate them for a reason, not because of their political affiliations. Take my mother for example. She's a crazy fucking bitch who has spent both our entire lives fucking me up, filling me with guilt and insecurities that have all but destroyed my initiative and she refuses to accept she's the main reason I'm a fucking basket case. Now that is a reason if I've ever heard of one. I shudder to think even if God came down and made her the chairwoman of His own nationalist party that would save this dying civilization and restore peace in the galaxy she would still be the most evil, passive/aggressive cunt on the face of the Earth where I'm concerned. So much for your social barometers... I'll borrow a bit of philosophy from the Rocco-fascists:

If you're going to hate, hate with REASON, and hate with all your heart.

And to that I will add: But please, don't hate just out of fear of the unknown. Like so many parents across the nation who probably for the first time in their pathetic lives were up in arms over the viewing of President Obama's address targeted to school children. For God's Sake, people, we're talking THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES here not some crack-selling nigger from the wrong side of town wearing a trench coat who wants to talk to your children. What is wrong with you people? If that idiot Bush wanted to talk to your children you would have sent them all to Neverland Farm for cake and soda pop and whatever else he wanted to fill them with, wouldn't you?? Are you people afraid that your parenting skills are sadly lacking? Do you fear your children might wake up and realize that they are smarter than you and dare stand up for themselves? Here in Southern Babylon parents even called the private schools and threatened to take their little honey bee's out of the fucking institutions if they dared to broadcast the speech in class. If it had been Ronald Reagan things would have been different though, right?? Idiots... I'm ashamed to be human because of you ignorant miscreants. It shows so much more about you parents than it does your civil rights or the sanctity of family virtues or that 'heroin-selling jigaboo in the White House'. Have you people no shame??

Here is the text of the speech he will give tomorrow morning. All you protesting parents should be ashamed of yourselves, seriously...

Obama Speech to Kids

All I have to say is WHAT THE FUCK were you guys thinking?? I love that saying. What an amazingly original 21st century piece of vernacular. 'WHAT THE FUCK?'. You would think that by 2009 with our technology that we'd be walking on moving sidewalks, driving cars running on hydro-electric power, wiping out cancer and starvation. Instead we are spending 11 BILLION on the fucking Olympics, wasting time with hybrid cars, bailing out Wall Street and Detroit, and still pretending we are the saviors of the world. The best thing to come out of the 21st Century so far is YouTube and vernacular tidbits of wisdom like 'What the Fuck?' (or it's Internet cousin FTW). It proves only that the philosophy of my favorite show Mad Men is prevalent: Life is just the search for the perfect tag line.

I have been procrastinating again. I should be banging out the re-writes for my screenplay so I can get my boys chasing down a few dollars instead of playing footsie (and lipsie and inner-thighsie) with my love interest and adding to my Netflix cue. I should be slaying those query letters and sculpting my resume to start looking for another producer position. Instead I'm half-ass working out, dreaming of fame and fortune, and coming up with a list of future writing projects that I may or may not ever start, much less finish, if I don't buck up and act like a writer. And I don't mean by sleeping with women half my age, drinking my weight in vodka weekly, and maintaining a very un-healthy drug addiction. No, what I need to do is WRITE. In blood, in phonetics, in pig Latin... WHATEVER. I just need to staple my brown ass to the chair and put some words on the digital page.

I hope everyone is well. I've seen that I've lost about 10 followers on Twitter lately. Apparently I'm not funny/sexy/stupid enough to keep some people's attention. C'est la vie, lovers. You all were probably boring lays anyway...

It's Labor Day (whatever that means) and I'm sure many are out there becoming traffic fatality statistics or DUI's. Thin that herd, yall. I am opting to staying in and at least attempt to get something done. I'd like to see the new documentary with Jack White, the Edge from U2, and Jimmy Page called "It Might Get Loud" at some point, but I can't justify wasting time and money at this point. Maybe on Wednesday...

So, my computers boot disk has a virus. Yes, I'm still using a PC at Moonbase Alpha but believe me it's only because of a lack of financial latitude, not preference, I assure you. I'm trying to purchase a used new iMac just so I can write unencumbered by digital gremlins. We're trying to work out the details now. I've had some problems getting my financial shit together so it's looking like I'll get the iMac next week. Not bad, $800 for the machine PLUS a brand-spanking new My Book 500GB WD external drive that is still in the shrink-wrap. The warrantee is gone on the machine but it looks like it's never been used. And the best part of it, even though I'm wallowing in semi-poverty, I don't have to rely on irresponsible responsible parties to assist me in acquiring it. I won't go into details because it's exhausting for me but let's just say that my insane mother is behind a failed thwart of this transaction and though it will take me an extra week to get it, in less than two weeks that machine will be all mine. Confused? Consider yourselves lucky. If any of you have crazy, self-righteous parents who will more than likely rise from the grave to try to run your life than you can have some idea of what I go through on what I would never again allow to be a daily basis.

To end on an up-note: I shot camera on a crew in Denton, Tx Friday night for the band Oso Closo. This band won the Chipotle Burrito competition by submitting a video and song. Their prize was 10 grand in cash and the honor of having the "Oso Closo Burrito" placed on the menu. This is that winning video (which I did NOT shoot). I hope you like it. And look for these cats- they are amazing!!



Cheers on your last day of an extended vacation. I'm off to do re-writes on the screenplay. See you soon...


JC