Hello?
Is this thing on?
This is a test.
This is a test.
This is a test.
This is a test of the emergency opinion system.
The broadcasters in your area have condemned this system of forethought and speech to oppress our ambitions and latch their Scythian dick-beaters into our soft pliable brains, injecting venomous phelmatic propaganda and curing us of all malignant diseases. Like opinions. And curiosity. And sexual deviance. And same-sex marriages. And free will.
In their place we find tiny yappy dogs, fake philanthropic celebrities, disposable families, plunging necklines, expensive cars, expensive therapists, expensive obsessive/compulsive habits, expensive emotional degeneration...
This is a test of the emergency opinion system.
The broadcasters in your area have condemned this system of forethought and speech to oppress our ambitions and latch their Scythian dick-beaters into our soft pliable brains, injecting venomous phelmatic propaganda and curing us of all malignant diseases. Like opinions. And curiosity. And sexual deviance. And same-sex marriages. And free will.
In their place we find tiny yappy dogs, fake philanthropic celebrities, disposable families, plunging necklines, expensive cars, expensive therapists, expensive obsessive/compulsive habits, expensive emotional degeneration...
This is a test.
This is a test of YOU, my friend. Of your pain threshold. Of your faith in life itself. Of your perception of reality.
It is also a test of of me as well, your humble narrator Johnny Cordova. Together we embark on this winding journey of desperate means. In time we will go through a dark land of dichotomies, where romance meets distress, where passion and obsession are separated by a thin membrane in the cerebral cortex, where the next person who tells you they love you might be your destroyer. Welcome to MY world, seen through eyes clearer than yours, cleared by the transparency of truth. Welcome to a beautiful and dangerous garden overflowing with sensuality and complacency where at the foot of his own temple even the great lover and emotional despot Casanova shrugged...
4 comments:
I like it...
In a world gone mad, truth obfuscates as often as it clarifies. Still, I wish you luck ...
Rene, sorry, this is depressing and boring. I thought we were in the entertainment business. Cheese and crackers with that whine?
You say "I'm trying to get some money people interested and would really love to get some feedback from the most straightforward and painfully honest group around...my friends."
I'm taking time with this because I don't just want to say, "I like it," or "Hmmm, interesting."
How, in the name of all things holy (or not) do you think that this rambling blog will have ANY positive influence on an investor's purse strings? If you just want to ventilate, that's another matter. Write on! But, to try and get money for a project with this? It will not happen.
I copied it into my word processor, and it filled THIRTEEN pages. Get to the point. Skip the boring minutiae. To be honest, I couldn't make it all the way through at the first sitting. I REALLY tried, but kept getting blogged down.
Any revision which is close to this free associative narrative will poison your attempts at getting money for your work. Are you trying to be philosophical? Are you just "sharing" heavy thoughts with convoluted references to your personal condition? Get some distance! Write a summary of the script, not this.
Have you ever tried pitching a script? If so, you know that brevity and distilled content get the job done. If you don't hook them early, expect a polite "Thank you; next."
This is an unentertaining, pedantic, self serving, laborious piece. Make haste! Get thee back to the drawing board! Fire your current muse. Don't pontificate. Be real.
You were looking for honesty. That's it, my version. I'll stop by in a week or so, just to see the latest, and how well you absorb feedback.
Google my name for more ideas.
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